Glenn Walker is a writer who knows pop culture. He loves, hates, and lives pop culture. He knows too freaking much about pop culture, and here's where he talks about it all: movies, music, comics, television, and the rest... Welcome to Hell.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales ~ How many of these things are there? I understand the desire to move away from numbers in franchise titles as the Marvel movies do, and decades before with James Bond and Godzilla, but here with the Pirates movies I can't tell one from another, and it hurts my desire to see them, as I might get the continuity mixed up. I don't even know if this is movie number four, five, or six. Shouldn't that (and I'm not the only one with these questions) bother the folks in charge?
Of course the idea that Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow has rarely been either protagonist or antagonist in these films makes the storytelling difficult and therefore the continuity hard to follow. And Depp is no longer the sweetheart, matinee idol, and box office draw he used to be, so it might be advantageous for the studio to make some definitive decisions about this franchise, or just end it.
This one is set several years after the last one, whichever one that was, and still revolves around Captain Jack Sparrow. This time his compass unlocks the curse of the Devil's Triangle, and the Flying Dutchman, and the Trident of Poseidon, and whatever other kitchen sink mumbo jumbo McGuffins were needed for this mess of a movie. But honestly that's not fair, it's only Depp that makes the film unwatchable.
They try very hard to make a good movie, with a convincing plot, and believable performances, and stunning special effects - but every moment that Johnny Depp is onscreen it becomes a politically incorrect cartoon, that after a while, becomes frankly insulting. The character is annoying, sexist, and takes the focus off the story and the rest of the cast. Disney is removing the 'we wants the redhead' sequence from their Pirates ride, how about getting rid of the alcoholic misogynist Captain Jack as well?
As I said, the effects of the ghosts of the Triangle are quite amazing, and so are the undead sharks, even though I am so sure there was a board meeting where someone stood up and said two words with a grin on their face, "zombie sharks," and immediately got this flick greenlighted. All that aside, the undead sharks are freaking cool.
The Paul McCartney cameo where he sings "Maggie Mae" seemed way out of place, but I'm glad they got it over early and quick. Geoffrey Rush, Kaya Scodelario, and Javier Bardem were terrific when not being upstaged by Depp, but the real stars here are the effects and the event status of the flick. Blink and you're miss Paul McCartney singing "Maggie Mae." Attempts are made to tie up many of the loose ends from the previous three or four movies, but don't forget to stay for the after-credits scene that hints at a certain villain's return.
All in all, this was a bit too long, but was entertaining, and would have been a lot better without Johnny Depp. His time in the spotlight has long ago moved on.
It's Eurovision week and we're in the midst of the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest from Stockholm Sweden (last year's winner). The First Semi-Final was Tuesday, The Grand Final is on Saturday, and today was The Second Semi-Final.
By the way, this edition of the Contest had an introductory explanation song of what Eurovision was all about
Eighteen nations competed in The Second Semi-Final with only ten going through to The Grand Final. The links below are to the song's video, and not their Eurovision performance, and I'll give you my impressions as they performed…
Latvia - "Heartbeat" by Justs - Cute boy in a leather jacket always equals points in this contest. He's so earnest, and rules the stage as he sings. Tis one is a good opener and has good chances.
Poland - "Color of Your Life" by Michal Szpak - Johnny Depp as a Redcoat? Though, this might be weird enough to go through… just based on his jacket…
Switzerland - "The Last of Our Kind" by Rykka - She's smoking… on my, is she on fire? No, but let's face it, it wouldn't be the first time at Eurovision. Not a bad song, very hopeful, and anti-war songs always do well in the Contest, but the performance is a bit lacking.
Israel - "Made of Stars" by Hovi Star - I like the retro-hair, but not the song so much until it kicks in, but I do kinda dig the spinning acrobats in the big Hula-Hoop. This is definitely one where the performance is better than the song.
Belarus - "Help You Fly" by IVAN - Naked guys and wolves, always a winner. Wow, he got dressed quick. Great use of effects and illusions, Belarus is always good at that, even though it looks like they cribbed some of Russia's act, but that might be reversed, depending on the order of performance. Lots of charisma, I liked it.
Serbia - "Goodbye (Shelter)" by Sanja Vučić ZAA - There was a lot of buzz about this one, but really the song and Sanja don't do much for me. A lot of leather on that stage.
Ireland - "Sunlight" by Nicky Byrne - This was one of my early favorites before the Contest, very catchy and fun, but it’s Ireland, which doesn't usually get many votes, ever.
FYR Macedonia - "Dona" by Kaliopi - This was actually another early favorite, but after a while it began to grate on my nerves, much like her waving her arms has in this performance. If she keeps flapping her arms, she's going to take off… On a serious note, this is one of the few songs not in English, so I have no idea what it's really about. It could be quite important.
Lithuania - "I've Been Waiting for This Night" by Donny Montell - Another pretty boy trying to own the stage, but unlike Latvia's Justs, he has more energy, hotter dance moves, and better effects… he's just not as cute.
Just a word about the song intros, this year they are very simple, just the artist(s) chilling and posing in Sweden. Usually the intros are very arty, so much so that they leave you scratching your head more than the performances themselves. These are pretty basic, almost disappointing from what we've come to expect from Eurovision.
Australia - "Sound of Silence" by Dami Im - This is Australia's second year in Eurovision, but like Ireland and the UK, its chances of winning are slim. I like the sparkly dress, the levitation effect, and the holograms, and she's got quite a voice. She is very Eurovision.
Slovenia - "Blue and Red" by ManuElla - This has a interesting country music vibe underneath, and that's quite a dress. She's even yodeling, always welcome at Eurovision.
Bulgaria - "If Love Was a Crime" by Poli Genova - Oooh, is she from the future? Kidding aside, this is actually pretty good and catchy, and it ends with a choir, she might qualify for The Grand Final.
Denmark - "Soldiers of Love" by Lighthouse X - Is it just me or could these guys be David Tennant's kids? Just average Eurovision boy band garbage.
Ukraine - "1944" by Jamala - As I mentioned above, anti-war songs always do well, and seeing as Russia invaded Ukraine recently causing much Eurovision controversy, this tune definitely raises some eyebrows. She's not playing around, this one is definitely going through.
Norway - "Icebreaker" by Agnete - Is this Frozen? This one has its moments but it's a bit schizophrenic as a song with its stops and starts.
Georgia - "Midnight Gold" by Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz - This was another of my favorites, mostly because it's one of the rare rockers. Pearl Jam meets Bush with none of the balls, and a retro sound that doesn't quite fit their image or Eurovision. I like it, but I'd be surprised if it goes through.
Albania - "Fairytale" by Eneda Tarifa - Another song called "Fairytale"? I guess they want history to repeat itself. I didn't like it, and in a way, I was happy my streaming went out during the song.
Belgium - "What's the Pressure" by Laura Tesoro - This tune is a great closer, even with its derivative disco rifts. It has great dancing, energy, and performance. If there's anything that unifies Eurovision fans more than an anti-war song it's mindless fun. This one is a score.
Those going through to the Grand Final on Saturday are Latvia, Georgia, Bulgaria, Australia, Ukraine, Serbia, Poland, Israel, Lithuania, and Belgium.
Ukraine versus Russia on stage will be fun… or interesting at least. See you on Saturday for The Grand Final, which will be broadcast live for the first time in the United States on Logo, details are here. And did I mention the guest appearance by Justin Timberlake? Yeah, be there!
The Disney live action remakes of their classic animated features seem to have certain identity issues. Or perhaps it's me who has the issues. In my opinion, they never seem to be what they intend to be, or what they seemed to intend to be, ya know?
There was that hideous Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter that is unbelievably getting a sequel, which of course not the first reimagining of a classic property Burton and/or Depp have had a hand in destroying. See the evidence of Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, and Willy Wonka. And then there was the switched point of view version of Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent, which missed several chances to be much better.
I think the same can be said of the new 2015 version of Cinderella, but it would only be my opinion though, which is far from objective. I think the two leads are attractive, I just don't think they are attractive enough for Cinderella and Prince Charming. I did like the extra backstory of Cinderella's family, and motive for Lady Tremaine. These were nice touches that added to the story.
Transcendence ~ The idea of uploading a human consciousness into a computer is an old idea. It's a retro idea, a cyberpunk idea, and therefore like rayguns and rocketships, a science fiction future that's just not going to happen. It's a potential future that's become outdated. If you're going to make a movie about that, you'd better have a new spin, you'd better do something different, something that's never been done before.
I must say I was impressed with the brief opening on an internet-less future, where keyboards are used as doorstops and even phones are back to the drawing board. We flashback five years to Johnny Depp pioneering artificial intelligence. I don't need to tell you the predictable outcome - man to AI to god - and Depp goes all Lawnmower Man until he's stopped. Now I said it had to be different, and it is, Johnny Depp's indecipherable accent of unknown origin that changes constantly for almost two hours is certainly different.
Despite excellent performances by Cillian Murphy, future Avenger Vision Paul Bettany, and as always Morgan Freeman (pretty much everyone except Depp), I really disliked this flick, and I'm a cyberpunk fan. It had very little new take to offer, a good but old idea done badly - avoid this one.
The Lone Ranger ~ When the film was over I turned to The Bride and said that if Walt Disney was alive and found out his company had obtained the rights to make a Lone Ranger movie he would be so happy, and if he'd seen what his company had done with it - it would kill him.
I have a long association with the Lone Ranger, although I can't remember where it began. I recall the cartoons of the 1960s by Format Films. The Ranger wasn't quite a superhero, but the bizarre Ralph Bakshi meets "The Wild Wild West" style of these shorts mesmerized me. I also remember being introduced to the radio show at an early age, and seeing Clayton Moore in reruns of the 1950s series. And when I learned that he was related to the Green Hornet, to me, that just made the Lone Ranger even cooler.
In the superhero movie boom (a firecracker compared to recent decades) of the 1970s, they tried badly to put the masked man up on the big screen, but that ended horrifically with the mess known as The Legend of the Lone Ranger. That dud, along with the bad publicity of not allowing Clayton Moore to wear the mask in public, was enough to bury the character for years to come.
This 2013 movie production, starring Johnny Depp as a mentally ill, delusional Tonto, along with Jerry Bruckheimer and Gore Verbinski, his behind the scenes pals from the Pirates of the Caribbean films, just seems like a bunch of guys got drunk, had money to burn, and decided to 'play' Lone Ranger. And the kid who had all the toys wanted to play Tonto as an idiot.
I'm sorry. I just can't abide this rape and mutilation of beloved childhood characters. First, we are meant to sit through another longwinded origin story. Let's get this straight, if an origin story can be told in two sentences or less - we don't need to see it. Just say it, and get on with the movie's story. This is one of my biggest pet peeves with superhero films. Stop wasting time with origin stories. Superman's origin was told in seconds at the beginning of every episode of the George Reeves TV series. DC Comics of the 1970s featured a one paragraph origin of the title hero on the first page of every issue. Let's go back to that.
I can't understand the premise of making this movie honestly. Was the point to destroy a lot of trains and ruin childhood heroes? Poor Armie Hammer is given very little to do, hardly any of it heroic, as the title character. What he does do is kill, which is something the real Lone Ranger would never do. The writers made Butch Cavendish into a cannibal, and not subtly either. I personally thought this should have had an R rating, just for that.
The only thing worse than Butch's cannibalism would be the way Johnny Depp chews up scenes and spits them out like steaming vomit. Taking his character cues from Kirby Sattler's painting, "I Am Crow" rather than the character Tonto, Depp is unforgivable. From his halting stereotypical speech to the dead bird on his head, his Tonto is an absolute disgrace.
I hated this movie, and I hated even more that my childhood heroes were destroyed in the making of it. I will get through it. There are still the movies, TV series, cartoons, and especially the radio shows to preserve the legacy. I will survive this travesty, but will the Lone Ranger?
Vogues of 1938 ~ Regular readers of this blog know I love "Dark Shadows" - the TV series, not last summer's Johnny Depp vehicle. Well, when I saw this movie listed, starring Joan Bennett, DS' Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, the Collins family matriarch. I know she had a serious film career before DS, over seventy movies, but I'd never seen any, that I know of, so I had to check this out.
Walter Wanger's Vogues of 1938 is a lavish color musical that also stars Warren Baxter as the male lead opposite Bennett. She's a socialite who becomes a model after a failed marriage. The sets and costumes are terrific for the time, and the print is crisp and bright.
The movie is clever and snappy, like most from the decade. The story is weak, but plays second to the terrific musical numbers and the visuals so it's okay. The worst part is ...Joan Bennett! She's stiff, fake, and unappealing. Literally everything works on this flick except her. I'm glad she found her home finally in soap operas. Worth seeing, but be forewarned.
Steel Against the Sky ~ A classic Warner Bros. two-reeler from 1941, this has stock characters and a predictable end, but all in all is great fun. Two brothers, Lloyd Nolan and Craig Stevens, high rise construction workers, compete for the same girl, sexy dame Alexis Smith. Thrills abound in the climax high above a bridge construction in a raging ice storm. Classic forties Hollywood melodrama at its best - snappy banter, comedy, romance, and adventure. And watch out for the young Jackie Gleason. Worth watching.
Spaceship Yamato ~ This 2010 live action version of the animated TV series "Star Blazers" is everything you would expect it to be. I liken it to seeing my comic book heroes, the Avengers, on the big screen. It's something I never thought I would see in a million years, and yet here it is. Fabulous special effects bring the animation to life. So worth seeing, even if you just look at it with no subtitles on YouTube. Absolutely must see for any "Star Blazers" fans.
21 Jump Street ~ I really only watched the first season of this show when it was originally on, so I'm not a fan by any real stretch, but I do hate the idea of remaking old TV series into comedy movies, especially when the source material was not a comedy. I can forgive "Bewitched," but this one doesn't quite fit. About the only thing I liked about this was the Johnny Depp reveal at the end. The rest of this mess is really like Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum just got stoned and improv-ed what they thought "21 Jump Street" might be about. Hill is so not funny here, and I equally don't get what all the fuss over Tatum is. Avoid this like a salad bar without a sneeze guard.
The Cabin in the Woods ~ Joss Whedon strikes again. There's really not much I can say about this one, other than it is always more than you expect, and always goes one better. Unpredictability at its best, a modern horror classic. If I told you anything else, I'd spoil it. You're on your own.
Double or Nothing ~ This great one-reeler from 1936 stars Phil Harris as a stunt double in Hollywood who while under gas dreams he goes to 'Doubles Heaven,' home to lookalikes of the stars. An amusing musical romp, and lots of fun for fans of classic Hollywood, starring many doubles of the day.
Battleship ~ There been a lot of bad press and even worse word of mouth on this flick, and let's be honest here, this is a movie based on a board game. And not a game that lends itself well to a plot, mind you, this is not Clue we're talking about here. All that said, and bear in mind, this is by no means a brilliant movie (it's no Doctor Zhivago) but it is pretty good flick for one made based on a board game.
The acting is pretty bad by most here, I would say below soap opera level, no offense meant to soap opera actors, but it doesn't bode well for folks like Liam Neeson and Alexander Skarsgard. The special effects of the completely indecipherable alien ships are the draw here, as it should be for a summer blockbuster. They are kinda like rejects from the Transformers movies, only not, but they are impressive. Also impressive is how they actually tie aspects of the film to the specifics of the game "Battleship," that, I thought was clever. Spoilers, if there are such a thing here, but it was really sweet that the old guys who fought in World War II and their antique battleship are the guys who save the world, especially nice in lieu of Memorial Day this past weekend.
As far as the rest of the cast goes, Rihanna steals the movie, she is a delight. Taylor Kitsch, who I have loved as both Gambit and John Carter, is almost a cipher here. He's terrible in this role, paper not even cardboard. Liam Neeson… well, if you have seen the preview, you have seen almost all of his scenes. Talk about calling it in, taking the cash and running. I did however also like John Tui and Tadanobu Asano, the latter of which is being called the Johnny Depp of Japan - they were both quite good.
The rest of the movie? It gets not only monotonous and predictable but it actually manages to make those big impressive alien ships get boring after a while. And the jumping from ship to ship to ship when they get sunk got a bit ridiculous after a while. We all knew we would beat the aliens, but it got so I wanted to yell "Get on with it already!" more than a few times.
All in all, it was an enjoyable two hours of mindless popcorn movie fluff. It wasn't bad enough to want my money back, but as I said, this wasn't a great film either. I don't think it deserves the bad word of mouth it has been getting either. Come on folks, it's not like this was Moulin Rouge! or The Dark Knight.
Dark Shadows ~ When I first saw the trailer for this new version of Dark Shadows my thoughts were, "Oh boy, here's Tim Burton raping another piece of my childhood, just like he did with Batman, Willy Wonka, Planet of the Apes, and tried to do with Superman." To an extent, I was right, but if I'm absolutely honest, having seen the film, there's also a lot of love and homage in there too, right next to the blatant disrespect and mockery.
The story for those who don't know is that of Barnabas Collins, cursed by an ex-lover, also a witch, to become a vampire in the 18th century, imprisoned, released and awoken in the 20th century. This was the basis for the last few years of the late 1960s/early 1970s ABC soap opera cult classic "Dark Shadows." Tim Burton, a supposed fan of the series, has decided to remake it as a camp comedy horror drama, emphasis on the camp and the comedy. Not that "Dark Shadows" wasn't camp, mind you, it was, it just wasn't planned to be. Like all good camp, it took itself deadly serious. That's not the case here at all unfortunately. Often, as with most of his films, what's funny to Tim Burton is rarely funny to everybody else.
All the good zingers are in the previews, so don't go in expecting much more. That said however, in between all the failed jokes are tons of in-jokes and Easter eggs for fans of the show. Tim Burton may have disrespected the TV series, but he certainly did know it backward and forward. He does streamline and he does change many details, but still the love is evident. It's when he tries to make fun of it and fails that fans and non-fans alike will cringe.
I dislike Johnny Depp's Barnabas Collins quite a bit. As he sometimes does, it seems as if he made up a character in a improv class and then built a movie around it. Depp might be better off getting together and making movies with that Borat guy rather than raping my childhood with substandard remakes of old soap operas. He does have Jonathan Frid's speech patterns down however. I have to give props to Helena Bonham Carter's Dr. Julia Hoffman for the same reason. Her voice is perfect, but her over the top dye job alcoholic drag queen version of the doctor not so much. Fans of the show will laugh their asses off at her, it's both hideous and hilarious.
Another of my favorites, Jackie Earle Haley is cast brilliantly as groundskeeper Willie Loomis (and yes, I bet that's where "The Simpsons" got the name from). He is one of the highlights of the flick, both dramatic and comedic. Don't blink or you will miss the two second cameos by surviving cast members of the soap opera - Kathryn Leigh Scott, David Selby, Lara Parker, and the recently late Jonathan Frid - as guests at the ball/happening with Alice Cooper.
Michelle Pfeiffer is pretty pedestrian for a role she wanted so badly, but she doesn't have much room to act next to the scene-eating Depp. Same for one of my faves Jonny Lee Miller and newcomer Bella Heathcote - not enough room. I would have loved to have seen more of them, but such is the way of the soap opera. Speaking of over the top scene-stealing, Eva Green from "Camelot" is just absolutely crazy town as Barnabas' nemesis Angelique. It's almost as if the actors got drunk and played make-believe as their characters at some points. Also, much like 1989's Batman, Burton is unable to come up with an ending so it feels like he starts pulling ideas of out his butt. Seriously, the last twenty minutes of this movie are insane, and not in a good way. It's almost unwatchable.
The problem is that it's not all bad, and that this really could have been a good movie, and not just that, a good movie, a respectful remake, and it didn't have to resort to low brow comedy. The credits sequence in the beginning, set to the Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin," with Victoria Winters coming to Collinsport, is so ABC telemovie that not only would Dan Curtis (creator of "Dark Shadows" as well as more than a few movies of the week) would have been proud, but I was half-expecting to see Kim Darby, Kate Jackson, or Karen Black make an appearance.
There was a lot of stuff to love set amongst the comedic ruins of this flick. I loved both the inside and the outside of Collinwood, the town of Collinsport they built on the set, including the Blue Whale. The bit with Alice Cooper, which in the previews appears to be a one note joke, turns into brilliance by the inclusion of "The Ballad of Dwight Frye" as background for a couple scenes.
All in all, except for the last quarter of the movie, I did enjoy it. It's not "Dark Shadows," it's not the cult classic gothic soap opera of my youth, but I did laugh, I did smile, and I still have my memories. Worth seeing for the curious, the fans, and for those with no point of reference whatsoever. I just would have rather seen the movie it could have been, as opposed to the one it is.
News came today that actor Jonathan Frid passed away last week from natural causes. He immortalized the role of gentleman vampire Barnabas Collins in the Gothic soap opera "Dark Shadows" in the 1960s and early 70s, as well in a theatrical film. Frid was 87.
Like Dick Clark, who passed away yesterday, Jonathan Frid as Barnabas Collins was a big part of my childhood. I have very vague memories of the show when it was actually on the air originally (I'm not that old) but I know my sister was a big fan. I can remember it being on when I came home from school in the afternoon, and I recall the haunting theme music from those days as well.
My real association with "Dark Shadows" corresponded with my first TV, a tiny black and white number I put on my bedside table. Local channel 48 had begun showing reruns of the show at 11:30 every night, starting from the episode where Branabas was introduced. Now "Dark Shadows" was on the air before that, and even had supernatural elements, but the show didn't really start rolling until everybody's favorite vampire showed up. I would watch whatever 48 was offering before at 11, be it "Mary Hartman," "Fernwood 2night" or "All That Glitters," and stay tuned for "Dark Shadows." It was, in many ways, the best hour on television back then. I can still remember the credits rolling just before midnight on the supposedly still DS set and seeing the coffin shake or a prop fall. Hey, the show was cheap, but serious in its way, and well loved.
Now Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are remaking the show as a campy movie spoof. I'm sure you've all seen the preview. I'm not going to comment, but I know that Jonathan Frid had seen it, and sources say he knew they would put their own spin on it. He actually even has a small walk-on cameo in the film. Time will tell. Jonathan Frid will be missed.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ~ If you like Johnny Depp doing his dirtiest at doing a drunken gay Keith Richard as Captain Jack Sparrow - you will love this. I like this movie on its own, but as a sequel, or more accurately one part in a franchise series of movies, it doesn't work.
If you look at the first Pirates flick, Captain Jack was almost the antagonist there with Kiera Knightley and Orlando Bloom in the hero roles. Jack Sparrow is an intriguing pitstop or obstacle they must overcome. His phenomenal popularity has shoved the character into the spotlight with the next two films and yes, here in the fourth. If you don't know the history, he rolls into that role quite easily in Stranger Tides, but he shouldn't, in my opinion.
That said, and previous Pirate films aside, this is a pretty good action flick. Be warned though, there are some rather disturbing imagery for the little ones. I was surprised at the genocidal treatment of mermaids in a movie by the company that gave us The Little Mermaid. Sorry, but that thought was never far from my mind while watching the movie. Worth seeing, but not fantastic, nor as good as the first Pirates of the Caribbean, but way better than the second and third.
Rango ~ The first animated feature from George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic is a disaster.
Take Don Knotts, pump him full of hallucinogenics, and have him play a computer animated lizard. Yeah, that's what Johnny Depp as Rango is like - and none of it in a good way. This is an ugly film with a bare skeleton of a plot that pretends to be much more than it is.
There are some interesting visuals done with the CGI, clever angles, different textures, but mostly a whole lot of ugly as it's about desire dwelling creatures. It's like bad scary cartoon taxidermy, and it's hard to watch.
The bat-riding hillbilly varmits arrive much too late to save this flick. The western character templates (like Eli Wallach and Clint Eastwood) and cliches, and the Chinatown comparisons and parodies can't save it. Even the Hunter Thompson cameo in the beginning can't save it. Avoid at all costs, unless you are a die-hard Depp fan, or need a nap.
Alice in Wonderland ~ This 2010 edition of the Lewis Carroll stories was masterminded by Tim Burton and presents a tale that is both a sequel and a re-imagining of the Alice saga. It’s been highlighted with the best special effects CGI and Disney Digital 3-D and IMAX can offer.
There’s been a lot of hype about this movie, and just like its creative predecessor, Avatar, I had the same thought leaving the theatre – where did the money go? Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s up on the screen, but it’s neither in the writing nor in the acting. The plot is at times slow and boring and at best predictable. Title player Mia Wasikowska and Knave of Hearts Crispin Glover aside, the cast sleepwalks through this special effects extravaganza. Wasikowska is someone to watch.
And those that don’t drift through – Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter and Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, both day-glo nightmares given CGI life – overact and hog the screen mercilessly. And none of it is pleasurable. I cringed when either of these two were on screen. Depp is really only likable for a few moments toward the end, but by that time it was too late. This is a good film, and a visual spectacle that must be seen – preferably in 3-D and in IMAX to get the ful effect, but I couldn’t help thinking it could have been much better. I mean, if you’ve already spent, let’s say, $300 million, why not invest another five mil to get the script up to snuff? The all-too-brief bright and shiny scenes in which we see the young Alice experiencing the original Wonderland adventures made me yearn to have seen more. Perhaps half that and half this dark Burtonesque Wonderland with the adult Alice would have worked better both visually and storywise.
All in all, this is recommended, but on the whole a disappointment of what could have been. The battle at the end is a sight that is on a scale with the end conflict of Avatar. Definitely see it, despite my small quibbles, and see it on the big screen.
Johnny Depp? Helena Bonham Carter? Seemingly acid-induced CGI? Yep, sounds like a new Tim Burton film is on the horizon. This time he is trying his creepy hands at Lewis Carroll’s classic with Alice in Wonderland.
With Depp as the Mad Hatter, Carter as the Red Queen, and Mia Wasikowska in the title role, Burton describes this as almost a sequel to the 1951 Disney film of the same name, as a slightly older Alice returns to a Wonderland she doesn’t remember.
The film also features Alan Rickman, Anne Hathaway, Stephen Fry, Crispin Glover and Christopher Lee. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland opens March 5, 2010.
S. Darko ~ Foregoing the whole how-dare-you-make-a-sequel mess surrounding this film, I need to stress how boring this was at the start. I literally started to doze off before the Whale song during the party woke me up. And my first reaction was – is this a different movie? Nope, it got boring again real quick.
Probably the most offensive thing about this movie is that it seeks to answer questions from the first film that really didn’t need to be answered. Some things should remain vague and mysterious.
In my opinion, S. Darko, subtitled unfortunately ‘a Donnie Darko story,’ suffers from Shock Treatment-it is. It’s one thing to make a film and have it achieve cult status, but it’s something else entirely to set out to make a cult film. It just doesn’t work like that. You cannot create cult status, it just happens. And I guarantee it’s not going to happen with S. Darko. And no amount of teen angst or Johnny Depp look-alikes can make it happen. Even Frank can’t save this one.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street ~ Now I loved the stage play, and the music and Angela Lansbury from that version so I had high expectations for this. And while I didn't like it, it wasn't for the reasons that all the other critics seemed to have. Even though I loved Ms. Lansbury, I really had no problem with Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett or her singing, or Johnny Depp's for that matter. I thought they were just fine. The atmosphere, and the coloring (solidly Tim Burton) were just about on target and the opening is one of the best mood setters for a film I have seen in a long time. My problem is that Sondheim's score, which is dark and vibrant, different and brilliant - all appears to be one long droning song in this thing, and one that almost never ends. I don't know what Burton did to Sondheim's work but it's butchered in my opinion. The other main obstacle I see here is that Burton seemed content to make a Tim Burton version of the play, rather than what he was supposed to do - make a film version of the play. Props for atmosphere, but that's about it.
Dark Harbor ~ This is another loser from the insomnia club on Fearnet. A couple picks up a stranger as they vacation at a deserted island cabin. Predictable and sad, and probably the only time I've seen a bad performance from Alan Rickman. One of the most boring films I've seen recently.
Alvin and the Chipmunks ~ This could have been such a disaster but it turned out to be quite entertaining. The flick puts an updated spin on the old story of songwriter meets rodents. Featuring elements to entice both adults and children, whether you know the characters or not, I loved this. Yeah, it's a bit predictable, but in a fun way, as opposed to the movie above. Any movie with the same bad guy (comedian David Cross) as Pootie Tang gets a thumbs up from me, and Jason Lee is fun as David Seville - although he has officially lost his street cred as a skater with this flick. Sometimes you can never go home again. My highest recommendation - I may buy this when it comes out on DVD.
Next ~ Another Philip K. Dick adaptation, this one has Nicholas Cage doing his best Nicholas Cage imitation as a stage magician who can see two minutes into the future. Well done scifi with lots of twists. Worth seeing.
Other than Bond being American, much better than any of the 1980s and 90s Bonds.
Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
Blasphemous and hilarious.
Elektra
Pretty but pointless.
Finding Neverland
Another great performance from both Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett, see it.
Battle Royale
Fun and brutal, but nowhere near lives up to the hype.
The Caveman's Valentine
The best film I've seen this year. Samuel L. Jackson is brilliant and Kasi Lemmons is one of the best and most underrated directors working today.
Catwoman
There's a place in Hell reserved for everyone involved in making this film, but rent the DVD for "The Many Lives of Catwoman," one of the best comic documentaries I've seen in a while.
First this is yet another movie ashamed of its origins. The credits are at the end so folks won’t know from the start that it’s a comic book movie and disguised with those chic words ‘graphic novel.’ To me, that’s a term used by yuppies that always read their comics on the train behind a copy of the New Yorker or the Wall Street Journal. If you’re a comic book geek, be proud and wear your pocket protector on your sleeve.
If you’re a fan of "C.S.I." or "Profiler" and are well versed in your Jack the Ripper lore you’re learning nothing new here. What was original and well portrayed in the Alan Moore ‘graphic novel’ have been lost on the screen. That’s not to say Johnny Depp shouldn’t be lauded for his accurate accent and his mesmerizing imitation of Nine Inch Nails rocker Trent Reznor stalking through a BBC Victorian miniseries or that the direction of the Hughes brothers didn’t create the proper MTV meets Se7en imagery – but the film just doesn’t try hard enough.
There is more than adequate talent here with Robbie Coltrane (Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies) and Heather Graham (Lost in Space, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me) outstanding. There’s also a lot of throwaway screen time given to the ‘romance’ between Depp and Graham which essentially is doomed and Depp's drug abuse. I would have rather seen more of his ‘psychic’ ability.
As I said if you know your Jack the Ripper this is all old hat, if not you’ll be mystified and entertained no end. Enjoy or be bored at your own risk.
Of course the idea that Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow has rarely been either protagonist or antagonist in these films makes the storytelling difficult and therefore the continuity hard to follow. And Depp is no longer the sweetheart, matinee idol, and box office draw he used to be, so it might be advantageous for the studio to make some definitive decisions about this franchise, or just end it.
