Howard the Duck

Back in the day, before the internet, when newspapers (yeah, remember them?) would do their occasional slow news day story on how comics weren't just for kids any more, there would always be certain elements brought up. First off, they'd have most of their facts wrong, second the headline would have a lame Batman '66 sound effect in the headline, and third, they'd be talking about one of three characters - the Shazam! Captain Marvel, Judge Dredd, or Howard the Duck. The thrust of the article was always comics are for adults now, wow, who woulda thunk it? with an undertone of old comics are worth money. Both of these myths helped to derail how comics are perceived today.

These inaccurate newspaper articles are where I first encountered Howard the Duck, usually on the cover of the first issue of his titular series, with a cigar in his mouth, a sword in his hand, and Spider-Man on the inset of the cover. There was also a scantily dressed woman behind him and the banner that read, "Trapped in a world he never made!" I had no idea at twelve what any of that meant. So I never picked up the book.

A duck in the mostly superhero Marvel Universe didn't make sense to me. Sure he had weird scifi fantasy origins but he first appeared in the Man-Thing horror comics, and Marvel horror wasn't something I'd pick up on until much later. Howard was just weird, he looked like Donald Duck from Hell, and of course now might be a good time to mention Disney (before they owned Marvel) sued to make Howard wear pants, removing some of the litigious similarities.

When the Howard the Duck comic strip showed up in my local paper (those things again?) I just didn't get it. I dismissed it as too smart for the room like Doonesbury or any of the other political stuff. Then came Iron Duck. This was the first issue of Howard the Duck I ever picked up, almost four years into his run. This parody of Iron Man was the reason I bought it, and therein I learned not just that Howard was a master of Quack Fu, but that his foe in that issue was a guy named Doctor Bong. This villain wore a bell on his head and hit it with his clapper hand to make horrible sounds. I was sold.

I guess by then I was old enough to get it, and after that I really dug Howard the Duck. I understood what a genius creator Steve Gerber was to create a character that only entertained, but also commented on society. This was so cool. And then Marvel took Howard away from Gerber in a web of legal complexity too big to get into here, and the Duck vanished for a bit. Little did I know that when Howard returned, it would get worse.

The late summer of 1986 saw the release of George Lucas' Howard the Duck, which was, believe it or not, Marvel's first theatrical release. Although Lucas had originally intended it to be animated, it was unfortunately live-action, which of course made the idea of a talking duck ridiculous. We ended up with a little person in a bad duck costume. Things did not get better from there.

Howard the Duck is frequently acknowledged as not only one of Lucas' biggest bombs, but also as one of the worst movies ever made. The film stars Lea Thompson as a barely recognizable Bev, Howard's human female companion, Tim Robbins as a scientist, and Jeffrey Jones as another scientist possessed by a Dark Overlord of the Universe, the villain of the piece. No one shines here, even Thompson who's trying awkwardly to start a musical career. Also Broadway's Chip Zien provides the voice of Howard. I think Ed Gale was in the duck suit.

The scientists are trying open up dimensional gateways, and end up pulling Howard from Duckworld, and also pulling in a cosmic nasty called the Dark Overlord of the Universe. The thrust of the movie is all about getting that genie back in the bottle to save the Earth. As if the duck suit isn't embarrassing enough, the opening credits sequence shows us quite a bit of Duckworld, which is filled with more embarrassing duck suits. The opener also features the sad John Barry score. It's good, but so wrong for the film. Apparently Barry thought he was scoring a slow noir or a sixties melodrama.

The more modern music of the film was one of the few things I did like. How could I not like a collaboration between Thomas Dolby and George Clinton, two of my faves? Dolby did most of the music, and even those songs attributed to Lea Thompson and her band 'Cherry Bomb.' Yeah, I confess, this is a guilty pleasure, but I dig the music. The soundtrack is no longer available but I have a few of them still.

I remembered hating this flick the first time I saw it back in 1986, and I have to say, it's still pretty bad the second time around. There's so much to struggle through - Howard as a lapsed rocker who becomes Bev's manager, their bizarre relationship that was made even more bizarre in the movie, and special effects nowhere near Lucasfilm's usual output. I only laughed once, when Jeffrey Jones says, in the Dark Overlord's voice, "She took my eggs." at a diner. It's become a running joke with friends ever since. And let's not even talk about Jeffrey Jones' hentai tongue.

Rumor says that overall Steve Gerber thought the essence of Howard and Bev made it into the film. Honestly I don't see it. I really don't see Howard at all, but if it's any consolation, I don't think I've seen the real Howard since the seventies in the comics, since Gerber left him. The film is not recommended, please do check out some of the original comics though.

The Return of Captain EO

As mentioned in the newest episode of The Make Mine Magic Podcast, I got the chance to see Captain EO again on our most recent trip to Orlando and Walt Disney World. Here are a few of my thoughts and observations.

From 1986 to 1996, this legendary seventeen minute music video/short scifi film was the main attraction at the theater next to Journey into Imagination at the EPCOT park in Walt Disney World. The adventure with the heroic Captain EO bringing a 'gift' to the evil fascist Supreme Leader. The gift is music, song and dance, that in the hands (and feet, voice, and body) of EO's Michael Jackson transforms first the soldiers of, and then the Supreme Leader herself (Angelica Huston), into better more positive people. The dark planet, looking very Giger at first is changed into a bight paradise.

Captain EO was the brainchild of Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas, and Michael Jackson, trying to recreate the longform video story style of Jackson's Thriller in a new venue - 3D, or more accurately 4D. This is not just any 3D, but 3D with in the theater effects as well, including shaking chairs, internal light effects, and even misters in the seats. It's full effect. While in the nearly three decades since its debut, 3D effects in the cinema have gotten better, the full effects of this special theater still are pretty spectacular.

In memorial of Michael Jackson death and his achievements with Captain EO, EPCOT brought the attraction back in 2010. It was removed in 1996, though I don't think anyone said it out loud, because of all the legal problems Jackson was having at the time, and it was perhaps not thought he was a good role model for kids.

The stigma hasn't gone. There were jokes about 'kid touching' in line when I was there this past month, but still there were a lot of Michael Jackson fans in line who were very excited about the show. There was a genuine electricity in how psyched people were to see this. It was as if his crimes, supposed or otherwise, had evaporated, and all that mattered was this scifi musical spectacular from another age.

Disney shows the film as it originally played, with the same preshow as well, but calls it The Return of Captain EO, but it doesn't matter what it's called, this silly space opera with wannabe Muppets, and two terrific songs - "We Can Change the World" and "Another Part of Me" - along with coo special effects and great dancing, still dazzles and entertains. If you get a chance, definitely see it at EPCOT while it lasts.

You can hear The Bride and I talk about Captain EO on The Make Mine Magic Podcast in this episode here, and you can also see the film in 2D below. Enjoy.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

I came late to the party, or at least it seemed that way. By the time I first saw the Rankin-Bass version of "The Hobbit" on television, which I learned about from posters in the English classrooms at school, many of my friends were already into JRR Tolkien. I really enjoyed the animated film and later sought the book out, which I also dug.

Then I moved on to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. This was dense and not written in the light manner of "The Hobbit." I got through "Fellowship" and started "Two Towers," then gave up on it. I put Tolkien in the same category as H.P. Lovecraft and George Lucas, great conceptualists, but lousy on the follow through. Over the next quarter century I did finish the trilogy and even re-read it, but Tolkien's style was not for me.

I did enjoy the LotR movies by Peter Jackson however, but I wasn't gaga over it. My brother-in-law was. He convinced me to watch the ten-hour DVD set of it, and it was all right, once. He also got me to watch The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, which I was a bit more excited for. Until the middle of the film, it seemed to go on forever. However once it got rolling it was pretty good, the bits with Gollum, and the Orcs on their trail had my interest.

I recently got a chance to finally see the second installment of The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smaug. First, three parts? Really? This couldn't be one, or two at most? This one had the same problem as the first, it dragged, was even boring in parts. I know Peter Jackson, and a majority of his fan base are in love with Middle-Earth, but it's gotta end some time, and you can't make other people love by making these movies longer.

Has anyone thought of possibly making a TV series, new adventures set in Middle-Earth, to possibly fill this need? Will Jackson be filming "The Silmarillion" or "Tom Bombadil" and making them six to nine hours long? There has to be a stop point, folks. I could see new tales (and there's been a little of that here), but stretching one book to match the trilogy made from three?

Lord of the Rings is a major problem here too, even though those events happen almost a century after The Hobbit. So much is put into setting up LotR that this is more like parts 1-3 of Star Wars rather than The Hobbit. All the bits with Legolas and Sauron, were they really needed, or was this continuity minutiae like what Roy Thomas did with World War II in the All-Star Squadron comic book series?

That said, the Legolas fight scenes were among the best in the movie even though none of it occurred in the book. It also occurs to me why isn't Orlando Bloom in a Marvel movie yet? He is action hero material, and he would be heaven sent casting as Quicksilver, even though that ship has left the dock. I also liked Smaug as voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch. He was very good, except for when he was filling LotR continuity holes. I also disliked the weird love triangle, what the hell was that about?

I liked the movie okay, and it had slow spots as well, giving me a few quick cat naps. I look forward to the third and hopefully final Hobbit film, but I'm not sure I'll see it in the theater, after all, I waited nine months for this one. Your mileage may vary.

Rango

Rango ~ The first animated feature from George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic is a disaster.

Take Don Knotts, pump him full of hallucinogenics, and have him play a computer animated lizard. Yeah, that's what Johnny Depp as Rango is like - and none of it in a good way. This is an ugly film with a bare skeleton of a plot that pretends to be much more than it is.

There are some interesting visuals done with the CGI, clever angles, different textures, but mostly a whole lot of ugly as it's about desire dwelling creatures. It's like bad scary cartoon taxidermy, and it's hard to watch.

The bat-riding hillbilly varmits arrive much too late to save this flick. The western character templates (like Eli Wallach and Clint Eastwood) and cliches, and the Chinatown comparisons and parodies can't save it. Even the Hunter Thompson cameo in the beginning can't save it. Avoid at all costs, unless you are a die-hard Depp fan, or need a nap.

Wishful Drinking

Wishful Drinking ~ The previews of this one woman show/video memoir on HBO made it seem quite funny, but I knew the facts - that Carrie Fisher has long suffered from alcoholism, drug addiction and manic depression, and I thought for sure it wouldn't be all laughs. I was pleasantly surprised.

The actress begins with the rather grim story of a friend dying in her bed but quickly recovers with her family history, which is hysterical... unfortunately probably because it's true. Her family tree is a twisted root turned in on itself and provides much entertainment in her retelling.

There's a lot of material covered here, and a lot for folks who have followed various facets of her career. If you know Carrie as Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds' daughter, or if you know her as the real lead character in Postcards from the Edge, or if you know her from a little movie called Star Wars - there's something here for you.

Also, if you're watching on HBO OnDemand, like I did, don't forget to watch all the extras like interviews with her parents and the poem from Star Wars that clogs up her head. Recommended.

New Moon

New Moon ~ Unofficially called The Twilight Saga: New Moon for the folks too dim to realize it was a sequel to Twilight, happily the actual credits of this film read just New Moon. Remember back in the day we didn’t have to be reminded what we were watching? We know a James Bond movie without having to see his name in the title. I wish this kind of nonsense would stop, and yes, I blame you, George Lucas, for starting it.

Let me start by saying that New Moon is no Twilight. I was quite surprised by the first movie despite the hype both good and bad, and liked it quite a bit. The sequel is a serious drop in quality of story and character development – a true disappointment. After the first flick I was ready to read the novels, and after this one, I think I’ll pass. New Moon is the kind of crap I expected when I first watched Twilight. It’s emo, it’s melodrama, it’s just bad.

When vampire Edward pushes our heroine Bella away, she becomes closer to werewolf Jacob. It is literally gothic romance meets afterschool special with some horror undertones. The flick gets a bit disturbing when Bella starts taking dangerous risks and Edward seems to be psychically stalking her ever step. Creepy. It does get mildly exciting toward the end when Bella encounters the Voltari, the masters of the vampire world, but it’s far too little, far too late.

This movie was hard enough to get through without the douchebag factor, which ruined a couple scenes for me. Peter Facinelli plays Dr. Carlisle Cullen, a fact that meant nothing when I saw Twilight. Since then I have become acquainted with him as the obnoxious Twittering doctor on “Nurse Jackie,” and now I just can’t take him seriously whenever he’s on screen. I kept expecting him to start texting or to say something stupid, rather than be the wise patriarch of the vampire family.

Maybe some of that dark “Nurse Jackie” humor might have helped though. This dreary thing barely held my attention and was difficult to sit all the way through. Give New Moon a pass.

Fanboys

Fanboys ~ Four Star Wars fans travel cross-country and have adventures on a quest to see Episode 1 before anyone else – the dream of one of them who’s terminally ill. This is a road picture plain and simple, chockfull of wonderful cameos like Billy Dee Williams, Carrie Fisher, William Shatner, Harry Knowles and a particularly hilarious one by Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes. Chris Marquette, late of “Joan of Arcadia,” is also good here.

While it’s respectful and infinitely knowledgeable of the genre, unlike previous mockumentaries like Trekkies, it doesn’t seem to know that it’s own title is somewhat derogatory in itself. Behind the scenes horror stories aside, and there are many, this is a fun homage to Star Wars and the entire genre.

Indy 4: The Ride

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, besides having three too many words in the title ("the Kingdom of" should be removed in my opinion), is more of a ride than a film. In fact, I suspect that someone, probably Disney or Universal, have one in the works already, but there's really no need. The film is the ride. And trust me, it's a better ride than a film.

We pick up with Indy in 1957, and we know it's 1957 because we are hammered over the head with this fact several times. The rock 'n' roll, the atomic bomb tests, the Cold War and the McCarthyism of the time are beaten into us enough to make it a distraction more than a background. It seems to me that if George Lucas wanted to make a film about America in the 1950s he should have just done it and left Indiana Jones out of it. Of course, however, with our principal character, and the actor Harrison Ford, feeling and looking his age, the time really had to be some time in the 1950s.

The rest of the cast is really outshown by brunette Soviet psychic spy Cate Blanchett. She is more than suitably evil and engaging. The screen lights up when Cate's on it - an excellent foil opposite Ford, who for the first time in years (maybe since the last Indy flick) isn't playing wooden and unlikable on the screen. Oh, Karen Allen is back again too, John Hurt does his best catatonia and schizophrenia, and then there's Shia LaBeouf, the homeless man's Marlon Brando imitation. Sorry, for me he justs gets more annoying in every movie I see him in.

Storywise, what story there is, seems to indicate that George Lucas has been listening to far too much Coast to Coast AM. This shift in the Indiana Jones series from Christian mythology to crypto-mythology is especially jarring. For me, the mix of Indy with aliens is akin to mixing fudge and mayo. It ain't pretty. This flick is a mix and match nightmare of the paranormal culture, throwing in such aspects as Roswell, Nasca, Eldorado, among others to tell Lucas' tale of the crystal skulls.

That's not to say that it's all bad. There are interesting nods and winks to "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" and Star Wars, and we even catch a peek at the Ark of the Covenant in a loose end that could, if pressured by box office success, lead to a sequel. There are a few memorable lines, and a sweet ending, but in my opinion, this is the weakest of the series. Still, see the flick, and ride the ride - it's still worth it.

Top Ten Premonitions for the Film Season of 2002

Flashback time, this was written in January of 2002... was I right?


"TOP TEN PREMONITIONS FOR THE FILM SEASON OF 2002"

Copyright 2002 Glenn Walker

Legal Disclaimer: For the uninitiated, this is satire, please don’t sue me.

* Stan Lee will give several incoherent interviews regarding Spider-Man, a character he has very little to do with for over thirty years.

* They’re making up the story to T3: Rise of the Machines as they film.

* More crummy remakes of bad 1970s sci-fi flicks.

* A third Austin Powers movie come hell, high water or legal action.

* Chris Columbus saying he could film the neighbor kids playing hide and seek, call it Harry Potter 2 and still make a zillion dollars.

* X-Men 2 will feature top billing from Halle Berry who appears in a smaller role with fewer lines and more money.

* More Ben Stiller movies than you can shake an Owen Wilson at.

* More sequels to classic Disney masterpieces – so many so that the originals become stale and diluted.

* George Lucas will claim he wrote all the Star Wars movies years ago even though we all know he wrote Episode II over a drunken weekend this past December.

* The Powerpuff Girls Movie!!!


Previosly published at Project: Popcorn
http://www.whitevioletpictures.com/popcorn

The Hidden Fortress

"SO WHERE'S THE FORCE?"

A Video Review of The Hidden Fortress (1958)

Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker

Kakushi toride No San Akunin or The Hidden Fortress, as it is known in the United States, has long been touted as the inspiration for Star Wars. Having recently seen it I gotta say I have my doubts. To paraphrase that annoying old pitch woman for Wendy's - "Where's the Force?"

This samurai tale of a war hero trying to save his princess by using two farmers going home after being enslaved as a cover is pretty standard fair for the Japanese cinema at the time and only elevated by the direction of the master Akira Kurosawa and the always superior performance of Toshiro Mifume but Star Wars it ain't.



There are similarities storywise, two bumblers, a rogue and a rescued princess but it ends there. The Hidden Fortress lacks a Luke Skywalker character who George Lucas freely admits is a product of 'the hero's journey' postulated by Joseph Campbell I still find it hard to believe Lucas outfitted the rest of his cast from this film. While the relationship of the two farmers bears a slight resemblance to the antics of R2-D2 and C3PO so do Laurel and Hardy from most of their work.

The Hidden Fortress is an enjoyable two hours plus of vintage samurai cinema but Star Wars it ain't.