Pirates of the Caribbean, Again?

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales ~ How many of these things are there? I understand the desire to move away from numbers in franchise titles as the Marvel movies do, and decades before with James Bond and Godzilla, but here with the Pirates movies I can't tell one from another, and it hurts my desire to see them, as I might get the continuity mixed up. I don't even know if this is movie number four, five, or six. Shouldn't that (and I'm not the only one with these questions) bother the folks in charge?

Of course the idea that Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow has rarely been either protagonist or antagonist in these films makes the storytelling difficult and therefore the continuity hard to follow. And Depp is no longer the sweetheart, matinee idol, and box office draw he used to be, so it might be advantageous for the studio to make some definitive decisions about this franchise, or just end it.

This one is set several years after the last one, whichever one that was, and still revolves around Captain Jack Sparrow. This time his compass unlocks the curse of the Devil's Triangle, and the Flying Dutchman, and the Trident of Poseidon, and whatever other kitchen sink mumbo jumbo McGuffins were needed for this mess of a movie. But honestly that's not fair, it's only Depp that makes the film unwatchable.

They try very hard to make a good movie, with a convincing plot, and believable performances, and stunning special effects - but every moment that Johnny Depp is onscreen it becomes a politically incorrect cartoon, that after a while, becomes frankly insulting. The character is annoying, sexist, and takes the focus off the story and the rest of the cast. Disney is removing the 'we wants the redhead' sequence from their Pirates ride, how about getting rid of the alcoholic misogynist Captain Jack as well?

As I said, the effects of the ghosts of the Triangle are quite amazing, and so are the undead sharks, even though I am so sure there was a board meeting where someone stood up and said two words with a grin on their face, "zombie sharks," and immediately got this flick greenlighted. All that aside, the undead sharks are freaking cool.

The Paul McCartney cameo where he sings "Maggie Mae" seemed way out of place, but I'm glad they got it over early and quick. Geoffrey Rush, Kaya Scodelario, and Javier Bardem were terrific when not being upstaged by Depp, but the real stars here are the effects and the event status of the flick. Blink and you're miss Paul McCartney singing "Maggie Mae." Attempts are made to tie up many of the loose ends from the previous three or four movies, but don't forget to stay for the after-credits scene that hints at a certain villain's return.

All in all, this was a bit too long, but was entertaining, and would have been a lot better without Johnny Depp. His time in the spotlight has long ago moved on.

Lost Hits of the New Wave #36

"Do They Know It's Christmas?" by Band Aid

The original "Do They Know It's Christmas?" was written by Bob Geldolf of the Boomtown Rats and the criminally underacknowledged Midge Ure of Ultravox in 1984 to bring awareness to the famine in Ethiopia. Later overshadowed by that summer's American "We Are the World," I still think the original is the better song, and with the better stars.

Geldolf brought together a supergroup he called Band Aid to sing the song, which included Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, The Boomtown Rats, Sting, U2, Bananarama, Kool and the Gang (a seeming oddity, there only because they shared a record label with the Rats), Ultravox, Status

Quo, Marilyn, Heaven 17, Paul Young, George Michael, Paul Weller, Jody Watley, and Phil Collins. Artists who could not be a part of the recording like Paul McCartney, Holly Johnson, Big Country, and David Bowie were included giving holiday messages on the B-side of the single, called "Feed the World," a cool groove all by itself.

I worked in a record store at the time of the release, and its re-release in 1985 and remember the flurry to get a copy. This was huge. I also remember the crowds at the mall's Heroes World that Christmas, because they had a poster of Band Aid out front with a number chart to show who was who - and everyone wanted to know who was who.



The song was re-recorded in 1989, 2004, and this year as well. Here's the new version for 2014 by Band Aid 30:

A Hard Day's Night

A Hard Day's Night ~ Confession time. Up until very recently, I had never seen A Hard Day's Night in its entirety. It came out in theaters again during my senior year of high school, and I'd asked a girl I liked (and who liked the Beatles as well) to go, and she turned me down. I never got to see it, then or later. See, what rejection will do to a guy, girls? It will stunt one's cinematic and musical growth.

Over and above the wonderful Beatles soundtrack, it's really quite a good film. Director Richard Lester allows the individual Beatles' personality shine through past the script of Alun Owen, and the charisma of the boys overpowers easily. The film supposedly depicts a day in the life of the Beatles, and feels very unscripted despite the facts. The charm of the boys, along with the music, rules the screen.

Quick cuts, unusual for the time, great songs, and Marx Brothers-like gags and dialogue acrobatics make this a terrific film. Worth seeing if only to see the Beatles smoke and Ringo dance, but those aren't even the best parts. I wish I'd seen it decades ago.

And don't forget, if you'd like to see this one on the big screen, this summer it will be re-released to theaters to celebrate its fiftieth anniversary. Bring a date!

Paul McCartney Really Is Dead

Paul McCartney Really Is Dead ~ This one has the also just as intriguing subtitle of "The Last Testament of George Harrison." It comes from the gist of this documentary being tapes discovered by George Harrison disclosing the horrible secret that has burdened the Beatles for decades - that Paul really is dead. The tapes are George's confession. Yeah, if you smell the Blair Witch, don't worry, I do too.

Apparently all that nonsense, all those hints about the hoax that Paul was dead - it was all true. As suspected, Paul dies in a car crash. MI6 has a double, William Campbell, after cosmetic surgery, join the band as Paul. The remaining Beatles, under penalty of death keep quiet, while still leaving clues on their albums and in their music as to what really happened.

Supposedly, the voice of George narrates a somewhat skewed history of the Beatles and thereafter, with these new facts inserted, creating a new truth. All the usual stuff is in here, along with some shocking new bits. One truly bizarre addition indicates that 'Lovely Rita,' who witnessed Paul's death, is actually, wait for it, Heather Mills.

As a kid, it was always fun to find the clues, but come on, we all knew it was a hoax. I gotta give the producers props for trying at least. It gives new meaning to many lyrics previously thought indecipherable, a nice touch. A fun, if at times, rather sinister, faux documentary/conspiracy theory.