Bionic Nostalgia - Bigfoot

Much like the Bionic Woman episodes of "The Six Million Dollar Man," I don't think I had seen "The Secret of Bigfoot" since it originally aired back in 1976.  This two-part episode, at the height of Steve Austin's bionic popularity, hit on so many power spikes of pop culture at the time, making it classic 1970s television. 

For all of you fans of "Ancient Aliens" or the real Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell who don't know, that whole cycle of strange phenomena began back in the 1970s.  From Erich Von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods? to the movie documentary The Mysterious Monsters, it was all hot at that time.  The commercial for the latter, which featured a Bigfoot's arm crashing through a window to grab its victim was pulled from television by parents' groups for scaring young children. 



That one struck a chord close to home for me, living so close to the Pine Barrens.  We didn't believe in the Jersey Devil, but we also weren't stupid enough to go in the woods at night, or sit on the couch with a window behind it.  Bigfoot was hot, aliens were hot, and so were earthquakes after the big disaster film.  A pop culture fuse had been lit and the folks behind "The Six Million Dollar Man" were going to get on board. 

"The Secret of Bigfoot" two-parter had it all - two geologists investigating the San Andreas fault, an ancient alien base, and Bigfoot, played by Andre the Giant himself.  It could only get better as Steve went to save the couple, and came face to face with Bigfoot, or as the badly stereotyped Native Americans called it, Sasquatch.  Only the stereotypes that date these episodes mar it.  Watching it again on Esquire recently, I found my childhood again. 

We were a little under a year away from the wave of jiggle shows of which Lee Majors' wife Farrah Fawcett was a big part of, and I hadn't discovered girls yet, so watching Steve Austin trade blows with the Sasquatch was a dream come true.  There is a good and lengthy fight with voiceover narrative by the aliens watching, until Steve pulls off Bigfoot's arm. 

The aliens have been there in the mountain for generations, guarded by the robotic Sasquatch.  Filmed in weird soft focus, they dress in leisure jumpsuits and a young Stephanie Powers is very interested in what makes Steve tick.  Bigfoot, while having some very cool facial make-up has an even worse wardrobe problem as he looks as if he's wearing pilly wool dreadlocked brown pajamas.  Sasquatch makes friends with Steve, maybe just to get fashion tips.  Throw in a massive Cailfornian earthquake and a nuclear bomb, and you've got a nail-biter.

In the original two-parter we get a few cameos of Jaime Sommers, a reminder of how closely linked the two series were.  As with anything so popular in pop culture, the Sasquatch kept coming back, but not always played by Andre the Giant. Ted Cassidy filled in a few times, and not as satisfactorily in my expert opinion.

The last time we see the creature, it's in the season five episode titled appropriately and simply enough, "Bigfoot V."  There's been a Bigfoot sighting and everyone is after him - anthropologists, hunters, opportunists, Rudy Wells, and Steve Austin and the OSI.  Other than some silly talk about the difference between space Bigfoots and Earth Bigfoots, this is pretty pedestrian stuff for the show, which had become mostly for the kids by this time. 

Of course, the show had such an effect on our culture that when many people think of Bigfoot, they see in their minds Andre the Giant rather than the ape-like beast from the famous Patterson-Gimlin film, and that's saying something.

Coast to Coast AM Election Night

Today is Election Day, the beginning or the end of a dark age, depending on who you want to win. I'll stay away from the election and politics and direct my anger at a more convenient, and for regular readers, a more familiar target. I'm talking about George Noory, the current host of Coast to Coast AM.

I've taken aim at George before, for his ruining one of my favorite radio programs and for his complete lack of interviewing style. You can read about that here, here, and here. I've got yet another bone to pick with old George.

Tonight, Election Night, George has extended Coast to Coast AM another hour for election coverage. Election coverage. It's almost as if George has no idea what the show he's hosted for over a decade is supposed to be about. Coast to Coast is a show about the paranormal. I can hear the news, or the election on every station on the dial. I tune into Coast for something special, something specific. Unless we're electing a reptilian alien, and I'm pretty sure we're not, despite what you've heard, that's not in Coast's wheelhouse.

This is one week after a catastrophic Ghost to Ghost show. Coming once a year, a decades long tradition on Coast, this is a night-long show where callers phone in and tell ghost stories, and it rocks... until recently. The last few years George has cut it down by hours. Last week we barely got an hour and a half. That's what we waited a year for?? Why couldn't the Ghost to Ghost show have been extended???

Ghosts and the paranormal are what the show's about. It even says so on their website, nothing but news about UFOs and ghosts and Bigfoot. Or is the website too hard for someone who needs to have Uber and Instagram explained to him? It's not like George's interviewing skills could be improved (well, actually they could, a little research beforehand, not napping while a guest talks, and maybe a follow-up question once in a while...), but you could give us more ghosts and less election!

It's November, we are all sick of politics, but most of us who love Coast to Coast AM are tuning in for the paranormal. So if you're listening tonight, and can actually get through the call screeners, ask George when the real Coast to Coast AM is coming back. If we can't get the leader we want, at least give us the radio we want!

More Prince, and Coast to Coast AM

I was numb all day yesterday. I just couldn't believe it was true. I did my duty though. I wrote about it here, and I wrote about it on Biff Bam Pop! right here, and even did a short episode of The GAR! Podcast on it found here and here. I had to leave the South Jersey Writers' Group's Open House last night early because I was just worn out, and who knows, just maybe a bit depressed as well. When I got home, MTV was playing Prince videos, and then Purple Rain, still I was devastated, but unfeeling really. But it didn't really hit me that Prince was gone, until I was in bed listening to my nighttime nemesis Coast to Coast AM.

I had tuned in to the later half of the program, which sometimes, if we're lucky, will have some content of what Coast to Coast AM used to be known for. Otherwise it's typical radio drivel, the same old same old. Coast used to be unique, now for the most part, it's boring. But every once in a while, we old fans will get a scrap of what used to be. The guest last night was rock historian R. Gary Patterson. And of course the king of no-research, host George Noory.

Now I don't blame Patterson for saying it was Vanity was in Purple Rain instead of Apollonia, that's an easy mistake, especially for someone who admittedly had only a passing knowledge of Prince. He was a bit after the man's time, and Patterson does know his stuff when it comes to older rock stars and their mysterious deaths - I bow to him in that area.

It was George that infuriated. I can understand if he didn't do any show prep. Noory never does any show prep, no matter what he says. He comes in to interviews as empty-headed as he leaves, as if his mind was a sieve. Perhaps that's why details of Prince's life, that had to have been all over the news all freaking day, somehow eluded him. Yeah, he asked all the stupid questions that that seemingly unique person who had never heard of Prince would ask.

I was embarrassed for the guest, I was angry at Noory, and that's when it hit me, that's when the tears came. We've lost Prince, as surely as we've lost Coast to Coast AM, and David Bowie… Prince is gone. And when people stop talking, and when the radio and TV stop playing, he will still be gone. And, anger at a lousy dying radio show aside, I will still be mourning.

Shadow People

Shadow People ~ As I've mentioned in this blog many times before, I'm a big Art Bell fan, or at least I was when he was the host of Coast to Coast AM. If I'm being honest, neither entity has done all that well separately and on their own, which is a damn shame. I blame George Noory, but that's a fight for another day. One of the things I used to love about Art on Coast is when he would talk about Shadow People, those nights would creep me out.

I'm already afraid of the dark so listening to Art talk about malevolent living shadows with the lights out was always a bad idea, but a lot of people have encountered them and believe in them. So when I first heard of this flick called Shadow People, also known as The Door, involving a talk radio host, I had to track it down and watch it.

What's really weird about this flick is that everything about it seems like it stepped out of an Art Bell episode of Coast to Coast AM. It's based on a viral video, seen here, that may or may not be real. Sleep Study GR 16 was supposedly a real thing and caught shadow creatures on video, maybe. Right.

The movie is also very social media conscious and features a late night radio talk show host, Charlie Crowe, who's like an old school cross between Art and Joe Frank, with just a touch of Morning Zoo as well. A paranoid caller, claiming to be pursued by shadow people, sends Charlie photos and files from the Sleep Study, and we're off.

Half documentary, half thriller, Shadow People is interspersed with interviews, sort of a poor man's Blair Witch Project. Because of this, it's really hard for the movie to find its flow and rhythm. Just when I started to care about a character, 'real' footage or interviews would take me right out of it.

The movie is of course all fake. This is neither documentary nor thriller, it's just a horror movie, and not a very well executed one either. Shadow creatures that come when you fall asleep could be pretty frightening, but this movie can't quite seem to mine the material. Nowhere near as good as I wanted it to be.

Twice Shy: The Return of Art Bell

We've all heard the saying (or at least the song) "once bitten, twice shy." Well, that's how I feel about the latest return of Art Bell. He keeps going away, and then unexpectedly coming back, only to leave again just as unexpectedly. I'm a fan, but I really have to wonder how many fans he really has left after all these boy-who-cried-wolf returns and retirements. Pretty soon, no one will care, if it hasn't gotten there already.

The double-edged Sword of Damocles is that while Art Bell is perhaps a broadcast legend and one of the best interviewers in the business, he is also just as dependable as groundhogs are at predicting the weather. As in the past, I can't help feeling that Art will eventually let me down.

Rather than talk about what a crappy host George Noory is in comparison, and how he's destroyed Coast to Coast AM, a once reputable program despite its questionable content - I will concentrate on Art's newest incarnation. If you want to read about how much Noory sucks and has ruined the show, you can go here and here.

After Art's abortive attempt at satellite radio, resulting in thirty-odd pretty cool episodes (about which he said this week "satellite doesn't like me"), he has retained that show's name for his online radio network, Dark Matter. It appears to be 24/7 with genre programming, also available on the TuneIn Radio app, on which many of us fans listen to his hundreds of Coast reruns.

Apparently there are a number of radio stations who have agreed to broadcast the new show, called Midnight in the Desert, live from midnight to three in the morning. Art's insistence on only broadcasting live, and at that time has been problematic for this fan who usually is just getting to bed at two or three. At least do a repeat right after, ya know?

The format, topics, and guests are much the same as they were back in the classic Art Bell Coast to Coast AM days. Art has not lost his skills as an interviewer, and the commercials are not just fun and off, they are insane - the show is worth a listen just for that. The 'news' segments however border on the truly insane, more like "Ancient Aliens" meets a fanatical End Times website - my least favorite part of the show.

One of the things I always enjoyed about the old Art C2C was how interactive it was with its fandom. This is something that has been lost with Noory's reign on Coast and their absolute refusal to answer anyone on Facebook or Twitter. Why have them if you won't use them? With Art's new show there is a new excitement in social media. I have been enjoying a few listening parties with new friends on Twitter that have been a lot of fun.

So far so good, but how long before that sword drops? Time will tell, enjoy it while you can. Once bitten, twice shy...

Coast to Coast AM Is Dead

That's right, Coast to Coast AM is dead. Why don't you just get it over with and rename it The George Noory Show, because it bears zero resemblance to what Coast used to be about and stand for.

Yeah, I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating. Host George Noory continues to veer farther and farther away from the topics and the style that first attracted me to Coast to Coast AM. And of course, there is no way to address my concerns to anyone involved in the show. Coast has a Twitter account and a Facebook page, both of which make standard practice of ignoring what the fans have to say. I think I might sooner win the lottery than get a reply on Twitter from these folks. George and company are going to do what they are going to do, and don't care what you think, and it seems, on a personal level, what I, a fan and listener for as long as I've known about the show - roughly eighteen years. And if I don't matter after nearly two decades, then really, who does?

I used to listen every night, without fail, all night, even when I would have to get up early the next morning. I loved Art Bell, but it isn't just a pro-Art anti-George thing. I loved the other hosts from the old days, especially Rollye James, Ian Punnett, and John B. Wells. I even dug George Knapp, and Dave Schraeder of Darkness Radio rocks, if only they'd let him be himself and do his own topics. But nowadays, I'll listen once or twice a week for a segment or two, and for the most part, unless it's a 'real' Coast topic or an interesting guest, I am bored to tears.

The real eye opener as to what's wrong with Noory's Coast program becomes obvious listening to what I normally do these days - reruns of Art Bell's days on Coast to Coast AM. Most of the time it sounds like George is asleep or not paying attention. His questions are obvious and childlike, and indicative that he has done no research whatsoever on the guest or topic. One listen to the old Art show will find a questioning host, an exchange of ideas between host and guest, and a learning experience for the listener. Often Art would launch into a debate to counter the guest's thesis - asking the questions we the listeners were asking out loud ourselves.

And the topics - the strange, the paranormal - that was what Coast was all about. Now those are for the most part gone, except for a scrap thrown out like garbage to a stray dog once or twice a week. If I wanted talk about the news, politics, health, technology, and religion, I could listen to any other radio show out there. If I want Bigfoot, Atlantis, and UFOs, which I do, Coast to Coast AM used to stand for that - something unique in the great dying wasteland of radio. Now it's just another crap radio show.

I guess I'll be listening to the Art Bell reruns for now. It doesn't seem like Coast will be changing before it dies from declining ratings.

Art Bell, Again

Yes. Again. Seriously. I don't believe it, but then again, yeah, I do. Because he's done it before.

This past week legendary radio host Art Bell quit his radio show. Again. The current incarnation, "Dark Matter," broadcast on satellite radio by Sirius XM, is over. Bell cited technical concerns, as well as a small audience. In other words, it was hard.

And it's not like he hasn't done it before either. He's quit before, or left under mysterious, sometimes highly suspect, circumstances, with little advance warning, or concern for his audience - no matter how big or small. As a matter of fact, he may well be more remembered for his vanishing acts than his radio act when history is done with him. He quits so often, it's almost an industry joke.

The way he has left, and the reasons he's given, all indicate one thing. Art Bell was doing this show for himself - not his audience, his fans, his loyal listeners. This was about him, not us. We would have listened without guests, without callers, and without a clear signal. Surely I'm not the only one who listened years ago with crappy reception from an AM station two cities ago, am I? It was hard for him. Again. So he quit.

Yeah, I'm angry, but that doesn't dispel the man's talent as a broadcaster, talk radio host, and interviewer. I would rather listen to bad Art Bell reruns than the best George Noory interview on Coast to Coast AM. At least Art would study up on his guest, ask intelligent questions, and not nap during the interview.

But now, not only is Art gone, but Coast to Coast AM has left Sirius XM as well. I am forced to rethink my satellite radio subscription once again. I love Opie & Anthony and Radio Classics, EW Radio, and I'm digging the sadly temporary David Bowie station, but really the only time I have dependably to listen is late at night, the former realm of Art and Coast.

Art has left me high and dry once again. I should have seen it coming. I hope Sirius XM saw it coming, and wrote that contract appropriately. I hope the quitter pays. Thanks, Art, for six weeks at least.

Conspiracy Theory

Conspiracy Theory ~ It's one thing to watch a movie you didn't really have any interest in that has been recommended by someone whose opinions you trust and respect. You may not want to see it, but usually it's an adventure, and an unexpected delight. What happens when the recommendation comes from someone whose opinions you do not trust or respect? Such is the case with Conspiracy Theory.

You might think the subject matter would be of interest to me because I'm such a Coast to Coast AM junkie, but the truth is, when they start talking conspiracies, I zone out. Give me Bigfoot and UFOs any day over that crap. Nothing against Julia Roberts, but I think she's lazy. She has two modes - Oscar nom, and give me the check. Most of the time I think it's the latter.

And then there's Mel Gibson. Mel has fallen out of favor for very solid reasons, but for me he was always on the brink of parodying himself, always a Keanu Reeves 'huh' away from ever being a good actor. And then there's all the other stuff he's done and said. I can't help seeing the Daffy Duck version of him from "South Park" now whenever I see him.

Already Conspiracy Theory has several strikes against and I'm still paused on the WB shield. Let's hope it gets better. Now I realize that Gibson is playing someone is apparently mentally unhinged, but I'm sorry the credits haven't finished running, but he is already firmly Daffy Duck-ing in my head.

Also what bugs me early on is that the conspiracies put forth are the generic Hollywood version of conspiracy theories, not real conspiracy theories. It also feels very dated, as if it was written at least a decade before its 1997 release date. The dated performances of 1980s big names Gibson and Roberts certainly don't help.

Gibson's Daffy Duck meets Curly Howard performance as a paranoid cab driver who's been brainwashed by the government makes you think you're getting a comedy and clashes horribly with the real tenor of the flick. It's a dark dark film, although you'd never know it watching Gibson cavort.

He's doing schtick, so when Patrick Stewart shows up doing his Marathon Man bad guy imitation and shoots Gibson up with LSD, you can't help but wonder what the hell you're watching. Oh, and Julia Roberts? She's about as interesting as old wallpaper in this movie. Her dye job has more charisma than her performance.

This is a long movie, and it's made even longer by the overacting and under-acting of the leads, the over-explanation of the plot, the overbearing score, and the horrific and ridiculous ending. I was pretty sure I would hate this movie, and I was right.

Satellite Radio Reshuffling

A couple weeks ago one of my favorite satellite radio channels, Book Radio, disappeared, replaced with something called Rural Radio.

Here's the official word from SiriusXM Radio: "As of July 15, SiriusXM Book Radio is no longer available on SiriusXM, but our commitment to books and authors remains high across many channels. Classic radio theater and stories continue on RadioClassics (SiriusXM channel 82), and audiobooks air on our "Late Night Read" show at night on SiriusXM Stars (SiriusXM channel 106)."

I would much rather have had a 24/7 channel dedicated to audiobooks, but at least something of what once was still exists in some form. Of course, that's not the only worry I have had of late about satellite radio.

Those of you who know me, or are regular readers here, know that I am a huge Coast to Coast AM fan. Or at least a huge fan of some of the show's content and some of its hosts. Due to ClearChannel and SiriusXM parting ways, C2CAM will be leaving satellite some time in August. Despite my problems with its content, it is, along with Opie & Anthony and Radio Classics, among others, one of the major reasons I subscribed to satellite radio to begin with.

My worries are over. This week, Art Bell, the original host of Coast, and innovator of that now much-copied radio format, has announced his return from retirement. Not only that, he will be returning to the microphone on SiriusXM Indie Talk Channel 104. Outside of C2CAM actually returning to its glory days, original programming, and hosts, this is a win-win situation for me. The show begins September 16th.

I'm happy, and I won't miss George Noory falling asleep, doing crossword puzzles, or just not paying attention to a guest on air at all.

Let Coast Be Coast

We've talked about my radio habits and obsession here before. Up until I got satellite radio, I still enjoyed exploring the AM dial in the middle of the night. Some time in the late nineties I discovered Art Bell and Coast to Coast AM.

This was more than a year before Art finally came to Philadelphia, syndicated on 1210 AM. I remember an intriguing and heated discussion about UFOs and alien abductions. I also remember that night getting out of my warm bed to log on the computer at around three in the morning to see the artist's rendering of the aliens, you know, a visual to go with the audio. Yeah, I was hooked, and have been for close to fifteen years.

Mostly I was delighted to find talk radio that was not about politics. I could hear that nonsense anywhere and any time. I like different in my talk radio. It's probably why I have been attracted to things like Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Drew, radio dramas, audiobooks, and Joe Frank. Coast to Coast AM was definitely different.

I was overjoyed when the program found its Philly home and was a faithful listener almost every night. My insomnia proved helpful in that endeavor. Night after night I listened to a myriad of guests and topics, always in the realm of the paranormal. That was Coast's forte. If you wanted intelligent (and sometimes not so) discussion about ufology, cryptozoology, mythology, pseudoscience, conspiracy theories or anything involving the odd or surreal, Coast to Coast AM was for you.

There's a lot that can said about the host Art Bell. Surrounded by rumor and conspiracy himself, he was and is a consummate radio professional. No matter the insanity or unlikeliness of the guest or caller, he was always fair, entertaining, and at the top of his game. There are few talk radio hosts as sharp and composed as Art Bell.

Due to personal issues, Art has had to retire from radio and the show several times - the final time was in the late 2000s. He has been replaced the last time by George Noory. George is quite talented himself, but every time I hear an old Art show, it becomes quite obvious how inferior the replacement is to the original host. He never challenges guests or listeners, is often uninformed, and frequently seems inattentive or not even listening to guests and callers.

Noory also seems to have a problem with open lines. He doesn't do it that often. Anyone who knows talk radio knows that it's not about the host, it's about the callers. Art knew this, and his regular technique was to not screen callers as is usually done - he just put them on the air. Often open lines was the best part of the old Coast to Coast AM. Since George has come in board, there also seems a shift in topic, more toward politics, and current events. I'm not happy with that at all.

The two biggest nights of the year on Coast to Coast AM are New Year's Eve and Halloween. On New Year's Eve they take psychic predictions for the upcoming year, and on Halloween, the show becomes 'Ghost to Ghost' as callers tell ghost stories. I love Ghost to Ghost. However, it too has gone downhill in recent years. Noury screens the calls, taking away the spontaneity, as well as the need to think on his feet, I suppose.

This year, last night, Noory even cut short the program by taking up the first hour with news, and an interview with a security expert. Seriously? Real Coast to Coast topics are rare enough recently, and now you're truncating the best show of the year??

It's no wonder that other radio programs similar to the original Coast to Coast AM, like Ground Zero with Clyde Lewis and A View from Space, are growing in popularity and Coast is falling. Politics and current events can be heard anywhere on the dial, the topics that made Coast great can not. I want my show back.

Please! Let Coast be Coast!

Hoax Hunters

Folks who know me personally know I'm addicted to Coast to Coast AM late nights. They cover lots of different topics on the show, now hosted by George Noory, but the nights that I love are the ones about UFOs, cryptozoology, and conspiracy theories. Yeah, I'm a nut for that stuff. Add in that I grew up in the Pine Barrens of South Jersey, where nobody jokes about the Jersey Devil when they're outside at night - you know I'm a sucker for the new Hoax Hunters comic from Image.

Writers Michael Moreci and Steve Seeley have created quite a phenomenon with Hoax Hunters. It's everything I could want, it's Coast to Coast AM mixed with "X-Files" in comic book form. Described as "Cryptids. Aliens. Monsters. All the world’s bizarre secrets--what if they were real? Their existence would be debunked by a reality TV show! HOAX HUNTERS is that show, publicly disproving all variety of lore. But their real goal is the opposite: as the world’s dark corners surface, the HOAX HUNTERS cover them up. They demonstrate that the truth isn’t out there." Again, what more could I want? The creators have even promised a Jersey Devil appearance in the future.

There are two issues of new material out now, plus a 'zero issue' that collects the stories that first appeared as back-up in Hack/Slash #1-10. Get out to your local comics shop now and check them out! This comic rocks!

Hoax Hunters has a website and blog that you visit here. And don't forget to check out this episode of the Biff Bam Popcast featuring Michael Moreci and Steve Seeley!

Dark Knight Rises Prelude

Everyone knows basically what happened Thursday night in Aurora, Colorado. The tragedy that is being called by the news media, the 'movie massacre,' is now inextricably tied to the film The Dark Knight Rises.

I was up late Thursday night when I heard about it on the top of the hour news during Coast to Coast AM, and immediately clicked on the television news. Like 9/11 or Columbine (not all that far from Aurora) I was one of millions glued to my TV watching and waiting. I finally dozed off to images of the tragedy.

Later that afternoon, I kept plans to see The Dark Knight Rises despite everything. Things were a little different at the theatre. Bags were checked, we weren't allowed in to the theatre until just before the show, and nobody was in costume. I think this may actually be the end of that. No more costumes, and maybe even no more midnight release showings.

Another difference was that there was no chatter before the movie. No one was talking. It was very disconcerting. Usually on opening day, everyone is excited, not this day. I suppose everyone was thinking about the shootings.

One specific preview, for Sean Penn's new film Gangster Squad made children jump, women gasp, and grown men scream. It depicted men with guns shooting through a movie screen and then into the audience. I hope Warner Bros. has the sense to pull this preview for the time being. The audience was shocked and horrified.

I am left numb. I enjoyed TDKR but am unable to write about it yet. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of this tragedy and their families and friends.

2012

2012 ~ A close friend of mine said the other day that she would watch John Cusack read the phone book. I have to wonder if she’s seen this gem…

The real star here is the special effects. It seems like co-writer/director Roland Emmerich just didn’t get to destroy the world enough in Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow (and that’s not even mentioning how he destroyed Godzilla, grrr…) and had CGI effects leftover. That said, this wannabe Irwin Allen has created stunning disaster imagery that is almost worth the price of admission (or rental), if only a story went along with it.

The film’s structure revolves around the solely Western idea that the world will end when the Mayan calendar ends in the year 2012. To me this always seemed absurd. The calendar ended because the guy carving it got tired and just ended it on the last cycle. Remember no keyboards or pencils then, just chisels – it was hard labor. Anyway, the world’s going to end, cue special effects and let your butt get numb.

John Cusack is writer Jackson Curtis (who just happens to have written a book about Mayan ‘prophecy’) who struggles in the midst of the disaster to save his estranged family. The hilarity, and unbelievability factor, ensues from there. I have to wonder however if John had some gambling debts or alimony payments we don’t know about he had to cover with this flick. It certainly couldn’t have been the script that lured him in. Woody Harrelson, on the other hand, is actually quite a hoot as an ersatz Art Bell type radio show host.

The chase scenes will certainly make your heart race, and if only this would have been in IMAX... See it for the effects, and only if you don’t have to pay for it.

The Men Who Stare at Goats

The Men who Stare at Goats ~ Take a whole lot Coen brothers flavor and mix well with the typical content of late night radio’s Coast to Coast AM, and you’ve got The Men who Stare at Goats.

Director Grant Heslov and screenwriter Peter Straughan want very badly to be the Coen brothers that it hurts. You can feel it through the screen. And just about the only good thing that can be said about this particular factor of the film is that this is much much better than the Coen’s last project, Burn After Reading. Though they both had George Clooney, I don’t think you could pay me to see Burn again. Goats, I’ll definitely see again, but I’ll wait ‘til it’s on disc.

The story is based supposedly on fact, but mostly based on the book of the same name by Jon Ronson, the notorious British gonzo journalist and documentary filmmaker who frequently stalks secret organizations and conspiracy theories. Crazy stuff, yes, but also enjoyable. Hey, if I didn’t love this stuff myself I would be a C2C AM fan, and would consequently get a lot more sleep.

In this semi-autobiographical semi-truthful film, Ewan McGregor, Jedi Knight from those Star Wars flicks, plays a fictionalized version of Ronson who meets up with George Clooney – a real live super-soldier Jedi warrior with psychic powers who’s on a secret mission for the government in Afghanistan. From there, hilarity and an amusing montage of flashbacks ensue. The juxtaposition alone of McGregor not buying the Jedi talk is funny enough, but Clooney’s quirky Lyn Cassady is a hoot.

While the story falls apart late in the film, the performances are all high quality and entertaining. Another Coen favorite Jeff Bridges is very good as the new age Jedi master as is Kevin Spacey as another of his more smarmy students. The interplay between all the actors is cohesive, especially with Clooney and McGregor when the flick is in its buddy movie phase. This is good stuff. Recommended, but be prepared for a wacky ride. Heck, this could be a Coen film, a good one.

The Price of Satellite Radio

I love my satellite radio. I love it so much that I rarely listen to terrestrial radio any more. Maybe some WXPN and maybe some NJ 101.5 FM, but let’s face it, my favorite terrestrial programs like Coast to Coast AM and some of the NPR stuff are all on satellite now. Not much reason to turn on the old fashioned radio any more.

Just got a notice from XM (yeah, they merged with Sirius, but they’ll always be XM to me) that my subscription rates are going up. The reasons cited are as follows:

”Music royalty rights were established by the U.S. Congress as part of the Copyright Act. This Act requires payment of copyright music royalties to recording artists, musicians and recording companies who hold copyrights in sound recordings.

“These royalties have recently increased dramatically, principally as a result of a decision made by the Copyright Royalty Board, which is designated by the Library of Congress to set royalty rates for sound recordings. Beginning on July 29, 2009, a “U.S. Music Royalty Fee” of $1.98/month* for primary subscriptions and $.97/month* for multi-receiver subscriptions will be effective upon your next renewal. This fee will be used directly to offset increased payments from XM to the recording industry.”

Now really, that’s fine. As a writer, I’m not someone who’s ever going to begrudge anyone royalties, that’s just how things work, and furthermore should work. I don’t have a real problem with the price hike, as long as my favorite stuff remains on the XM. What irked me was what I found when I went to the XM website and took a survey.

The survey was about my listening preferences, but seemed to mention little of what I actually listen to on XM. I stopped finding Howard Stern funny some time before he left terrestrial radio, so that’s not for me. I can count on one hand the number of times in three years I’ve listened to any of the nearly hundred sports channels, and Oprah barely amuses me even when she’s on TV. The big guns don’t interest me.

Most of what I listen to is talk radio. I’m addicted to Coast to Coast AM, which while occupying nearly eleven hours of programming per day, was not mentioned by the survey. Opie and Anthony get a brief mention, probably because they bitch on air about Sirius’ prejudice mercilessly. But nowhere did I see other things I listen to faithfully like the old time radio shows on Radio Classics and the wonderful audiobook variety at Book Radio. All there was in the survey was the rather vague description of ‘talk entertainment.’ That covers a lot of ground, and a lot of stuff I really don’t like. How can this survey really tell them anything?

The XM world has been getting smaller and smaller since the Sirius merge - mostly because it was more of a takeover than a merge. The mega-powered Sirius, with the ratings powerhouse (apparently) Stern behind it appeared to change everything on the XM dial as if they and they alone were calling the shots. We lost truly entertaining music stations in favor of the inferior Sirius versions of them.

My point is that for the price increase, how about some verification we’ll keep the programming we enjoy? How about it, XM? Sorry, I mean, how about it, Sirius?


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Indy 4: The Ride

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, besides having three too many words in the title ("the Kingdom of" should be removed in my opinion), is more of a ride than a film. In fact, I suspect that someone, probably Disney or Universal, have one in the works already, but there's really no need. The film is the ride. And trust me, it's a better ride than a film.

We pick up with Indy in 1957, and we know it's 1957 because we are hammered over the head with this fact several times. The rock 'n' roll, the atomic bomb tests, the Cold War and the McCarthyism of the time are beaten into us enough to make it a distraction more than a background. It seems to me that if George Lucas wanted to make a film about America in the 1950s he should have just done it and left Indiana Jones out of it. Of course, however, with our principal character, and the actor Harrison Ford, feeling and looking his age, the time really had to be some time in the 1950s.

The rest of the cast is really outshown by brunette Soviet psychic spy Cate Blanchett. She is more than suitably evil and engaging. The screen lights up when Cate's on it - an excellent foil opposite Ford, who for the first time in years (maybe since the last Indy flick) isn't playing wooden and unlikable on the screen. Oh, Karen Allen is back again too, John Hurt does his best catatonia and schizophrenia, and then there's Shia LaBeouf, the homeless man's Marlon Brando imitation. Sorry, for me he justs gets more annoying in every movie I see him in.

Storywise, what story there is, seems to indicate that George Lucas has been listening to far too much Coast to Coast AM. This shift in the Indiana Jones series from Christian mythology to crypto-mythology is especially jarring. For me, the mix of Indy with aliens is akin to mixing fudge and mayo. It ain't pretty. This flick is a mix and match nightmare of the paranormal culture, throwing in such aspects as Roswell, Nasca, Eldorado, among others to tell Lucas' tale of the crystal skulls.

That's not to say that it's all bad. There are interesting nods and winks to "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" and Star Wars, and we even catch a peek at the Ark of the Covenant in a loose end that could, if pressured by box office success, lead to a sequel. There are a few memorable lines, and a sweet ending, but in my opinion, this is the weakest of the series. Still, see the flick, and ride the ride - it's still worth it.