Defendor

Defendor ~ Insomnia does crazy things to you sometimes, besides keeping you from sleeping of course. With me, it makes me methodically peruse the OnDemand menus. One such search brought me to Defendor.

Now other than "True Detective" and some scenes in Zombieland, I have never been able to stand Woody Harrelson, and yet here I am watching him playing superhero. Of course, the Woody factor (as well as the comedy factor, dark or not) is kinda outweighed by it being in the broadest sense a superhero movie, and also starring Sandra Oh and Kat Dennings, both serious movie crushes for me.

Harrelson plays a functionally special needs man who takes to the streets to dish out vigilante justice as Defendor. Sandra Oh is the doctor examining him as he tells the tale of the film in flashback, while Kat Dennings is a prostitute who befriends him. There's also Elias Koteas as one of the bad guys. All put in better than expected performances.

Defendor is nowhere near as bad as first impressions or the trailer makes it look. It's actually more Kick-Ass than Blankman, and worth a look. I wanted it to put me to sleep, but I wanted to see how it ended. Yeah, a bit predictable, but I liked it. And there you go.

In Like Our Man Flint

First I have to confess it's been at least four decades since I've seen either of the Derek Flint movies. When I saw they were both OnDemand (as opposed to one or the other), I decided it was time to sit down and refresh my memory.

All my life I have loved the James Bond movie series, and with that, also the numerous copycats, homages, and parodies. So I dug Flint as a kid, but I recall liking Matt Helm a lot better, and even today, Dean Martin's swaggering spy is a fave and a delight. As I got ready to watch the two Flint films, I wondered if it would change my mind.

James Coburn's Derek Flint is a retired super spy from Z.O.W.I.E. (Zonal Organization for World Intelligence and Espionage - you gotta love those 1960s acronyms) who is now living the life of a classic playboy. In the first film, 1966's Our Man Flint, he's brought out of his retirement to stop Galaxy, a cabal of evil scientists who want to rule the world.

One thing I enjoyed, and wished more movies would do this with their protagonist, is that much like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark, we are shown and know everything we need to know about Derek Flint in the first ten minutes. He's a man of culture, of intelligence, of mad skills, has an affinity for women, a dislike for his boss, and a wry sense of humor. Speaking of his boss, the legendary Lee J. Cobb has great chemistry with Coburn and it's a delight when the two are on screen together.

There are some clever plot twists, colorful sets, cheesy 1960s effects, beautiful women, an early cool jazzy score by Jerry Goldsmith, and lots of silly spy gadgets and cliches. The flick is dated, yes, and the plot falls apart if you think too hard, but it is parody after all. Highlights include Bond wannabe Agent 0008 and a baddie named Hans Gruber, yeah, as in Die Hard like twenty years later.

If you look close you'll see Edward Mulhare from "Knight Rider," and Charmin pitchman Mr. Whipple, and if you listen close to the President's voice - yeah, that's the Green Hornet himself, Van Williams, imitating then-Prez Lyndon B. Johnson.

The sequel In Like Flint was released a little over a year later. Even though many of the same folks are involved, this tale of a spa company taking over the world and turning the patriarchy into a matriarchy (sooo sexist and dated), is a weak sister to the original. Notably not as clever, one glaring difference is the music. In Our Man, music moved along the slow parts, and here many of the slow bits go silent.

Lee J. Cobb is toothless and nothing like his character in the original, and Flint is too nice. I found myself disliking them both whereas I loved their performances in Our Man. It's like the first movie was "Batman" clever but the second was unfunny like the later Pink Panther films, trying but never quite making it. Not to be mean, but I know why there wasn't a third Flint flick. And speaking of "Batman," look for pre-Batgirl Yvonne Craig as the ballerina in this one.

After this double feature, I would have to say I still prefer Matt Helm, and I could probably wait another four decades to see these two movies again. Now I know why the only memory I have of them previously is the sound of the ring of the President's phone.

Mr. Robot

Awkward cynical cyber-security techie Elliot Rodger is also a vigilante hacker by night. Played by former child actor Rami Malek (Night at the Museums) with dreary neo-gothic hipster non-glee, he obsesses on finding the deets on anyone he has to interact with socially to make it easier, but it never does. He's creepy at first, but his mad first person narrative wins viewers over quickly.

If you think Elliot Rodger is an anarchist or nihilist wannabe with an odd sense of justice, it's only because you haven't met Christian Slater's character yet. Mr. Robot is the real anarchist and he wants to bring down the evil corporations, especially the one Elliot works for - E Corp. There's a very paranoid Big Brother vibe, and Slater is very Slater, but it works.

The pilot episode, cleverly titled "eps1.0_hellofriend.mov," was written by show creator and executive producer Sam Esmail, whose previous credits include Comet and dating Emmy Rossum from "Shameless." It's a single camera shoot interspersed with lots of stock footage and a tense score by Mac Quayle that is vaguely reminiscent of Tangerine Dream on speed.

If nothing else, this is a tale told with an intriguing storytelling style. Worth checking out. Available on several digital platforms and OnDemand right now, "Mr. Robot" officially premieres on USA June 24th.

The Return of Penny Dreadful

The Showtime series "Penny Dreadful" by John Logan returns to the air on May 3, 2015, even though the first episode of the second season is currently available OnDemand and on YouTube.

The series, taking on its titular genre much the same way as the films Pulp Fiction and True Romance, and the HBO series "True Detective," is a mad cross between The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and The Monster Squad with a strong steampunk sensibility. Taking its cues from classic Victorian monsters and turn of the century pulps, we get to see the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein, Dorian Gray and others at odds with other forces of evil and shades between.

John Logan has an awesome pedigree over and beyond this series, including providing scripts for Hugo, Gladiator, one of my favorites RKO 281, The Last Samurai, Any Given Sunday, Skyfall and the upcoming Spectre. He also pens the season two opener, which picks up the story seamlessly from the year before.

The stellar cast returns as well, all amazing and compelling. Demons and witches are stalking about, Billie Piper from "Doctor Who" presumably will be adjusting to her new role as the monster's bride, and a wax museum of horrors has been added to the mix for atmosphere. This should be an intriguing second season.

For another view of the series, check out the recaps of "Penny Dreadful" by my friend Marie Gilbert over at Biff Bam Pop! right here.

Wild Hogs

Wild Hogs ~ Sometimes it's surprising what you'll watch when there's nothing else to watch or you have nothing better to do. I had the unfortunate circumstance of having already seen most of what was available to view in the theater and OnDemand while on our recent Disney Cruise. And that's what brought me to Wild Hogs.

This movie, from start to finish, is like a cry for help, no, not help, a serious cry of desperation. Four actors, ahem, I mean, men, having their mid-life crises and turning to their motorcycle hobby for comfort and excitement. Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy star in this badly written, painfully performed, ultimately unsatisfying flick.

Its script and premise might've worked for a sixties Jack Lemmon or Jerry Lewis farce, but audiences and acting is more sophisticated now. I really had to wonder who this movie was for. Ten year-olds? I know ten year-olds this might be too simple for, even some of the gags don't make sense.

Well, hopefully those who phoned it in (I'm looking at you, William and Martin, you should be ashamed of yourselves) got paid well enough to pay their rent, and Tim and John had time to trade hairpiece care secrets. It's almost as if they are acting at each other the lack of chemistry is so bad. Ray Liotta and Marisa Tomei are similarly wasted here.

If you're ever itching to forget that Macy and Travolta have been nominated for Oscars, this is the flick for you. Wow, what a bad movie.

The Makeover

The Makeover ~ The mother-in-law tried to watch this one twice OnDemand while we were on the Disney Cruise. She fell asleep both times. Lucky me, I got to watch it twice. The flick isn't bad, but let's be honest, this romcom isn't something I would normally pick to watch myself, and especially wouldn't pick to watch twice.

What we're looking at is basically the Pygmalion story, and they even self-reference it in the movie. Julia Stiles, who I normally like, loses an election for being too cold and logical. She meets David Walton, just filled with warmth and Boston-y goodness, and tries to turn him into a full package political candidate. The story pretty much writes itself from there.

The Makeover is relatively harmless (unless of course you can't stand Boston accents, and if you can't, strap in, it's going to be a rough one), fairly predictable. Everyone involved does an adequate job, gets the check, and pays the rent, but I don't think they brag about it. Good if there's nothing else on.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green

The Odd Life of Timothy Green ~ I think this wonderful fantasy film, written, co-produced, and conceived by Ahmet Zappa, may have been list in the shuffle in theaters, being released so closely to the similar kid-growing-up-weird movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. While I haven't seen that Brad Pitt flick, I did thoroughly enjoy Timothy Green.

This is a modern American fairy tale, a perfect fit for Disney, that tells the story of a childless couple played by Jennifer Garner and Joel Edgerton, terrific performances by both, who have a young boy show up on their doorstep as their son. He's everything they have ever wished for, except he's a bit odd. And has leaves on his ankles.

I loved this heartwarming tale. I laughed, I even cried. The Bride and I got this flick OnDemand, and we were pleasantly surprised, a welcome treat. Recommended.

I Saw What You Did

I Saw What You Did ~ Back in the old days, before video rentals, before OnDemand, even before cable television, there was only one way to see a particular film - you waited and waited for it to finally show up on standard six channel television. When it was a movie you'd never seen and only heard about, it became sort of an event, and a special memory. I saw The Big Sleep and The Maltese Falcon this way, and also Mothra and the Matt Helm films. There was a certain mystique to the movies you had to watch and wait for each week by scouring the TV Guide.

The original 1965 (it was later a terrible telemovie in the late 1980s that is best forgotten) version of I Saw What You Did was one of those movies, and in recent times it has been made even rarer by its on-again-off-again video and DVD releasing. In an age where almost everything is available, this is indeed a rare film. It's a lucky thing that occasionally TCM gives it a run, usually when honoring its star Joan Crawford, or its genius director William Castle.

Its full title gives a bit of a hint what it is really about. Two teenage girls on a sleepover amuse themselves by making random prank phone calls and saying to the answerer, "I Saw What You Did! And I Know Who You Are!" You can imagine the bedlam that ensues when they call the man who has just murdered his wife. There's the set-up and trademark William Castle hilarity and horror follow. You can understand how the plot of this one can become whispered legend among those watching the TV Guide every week.

In a role originally meant to be only a cameo (although she got top billing and pay) and originally offered to Grayson Hall, later to be known as Dr. Julia Hoffman on "Dark Shadows," Joan Crawford eats up the screen like the film goddess she was in every scene. Her appearance, dressed for flash in the middle of the night, is kinda odd, but then again she's Joan Crawford after all. She proves without a doubt she could easily be the kooky neighbor in a sitcom from any age, and do it with pizzazz.

The two girls, and one's little sister, are terrible, but their kids, so give them a break. John Ireland as the killer is stone-faced and fierce, his looks alone inspiring scares. Some of the shocks and the violence are a bit over the top for the time, and surprising when you think about it in hindsight. It's not Friday the 13th, but it's a bit much for 1965. The initial killing is an ironic turn on the shower scene from Psycho and actually quite well done.

This is, despite what others may tell you, William Castle at his best. I love this flick, and watch it whenever it presents itself. Must see for horror fans, movie fans, and camp fans - funny, scary, quirky, what more could you want? So keep a lookout, just like in the old days, for the next time I Saw What You Did airs, it's worth it.

The Mercury Men

Aside from the occasional mini-series, a Saturday night Asylum movie just for laughs, and of course, "Warehouse 13," I don't watch all that much Syfy Network anymore. I gave "Alphas" a momentary spin but it just didn't keep my interest.

I do however have the Syfy app on my iPhone and there were some very cool previews on there. The one I was most excited about was a black and white movie serial-ish thing called "The Mercury Men." I couldn't wait for this thing to air, as I would be riveted in front of my TV. Sadly as the airdate got closer, I discovered it was a webseries, not for TV. Disappointed a little, I was still excited.

So when the day came I watched each five to ten-minute installment with anticipation. It was everything I thought it would be - black and white movie serial goodness. The brainchild of writer/director Chris Preksta, The Mercury Men is a wonderful sci-fi adventure in the style of Flash Gordon or Buck Rogers or any of the rayguns and rocketships serials back in the day.

When a off hours office worker is attacked by glowing men who shoot lightning from their hands and is turn saved by a cross between Indiana Jones, Buck Rogers and Airboy - the rollercoaster of action and suspense begins and doesn't stop. Have I mentioned how much I love this?

Right now, you can see "The Mercury Men" here, or OnDemand, although I wish Syfy would just put it on the air, or better yet, make it a regular series. How about it? In the meantime, everyone else check out this great web series.

At War with Comcast

Dear Comcast, recently you introduced your new Interactive Program Guide for cable television service in our area. Now if it were merely a matter of me not liking the aesthetics of it, or the readability, I can understand that I'm just be picky. Change happens, sometimes not for the better. And just for the record, the aesthetics and the readability suck, in my far less than humble opinion.

Functionality may be where the problem(s) lie. But let's talk positive first. The Program Guide can now DVR programs more than a week into the future. Closed captioning is now available on our HD television and it was not before. These are both good things, and I thank you and praise you.

As I implied earlier, the Guide is extremely difficult to navigate, and the website and instructional videos are really not much help if I'm being honest. The sleep timer is gone, so no more watching TV 'til I fall asleep. And it takes four steps to DVR something now where it used to take two. After a few days, by hit and miss, I got the gist of how things worked. But things began to go downhill, and out of my control, very quickly.

The DVR began to only record just a few minutes of a program the first night the Guide was installed. The first attack took out three programs recorded in one hour - one one hour show and two half-hour shows back to back at the same time. It did it to those same shows the next week. In the week between various programs suffered the same fate.

And then there were the other 'fun' things that occurred since the Program Guide was installed. On Demand has been intermittently working. Occasionally some channels would say that we're not authorized to watch them. For instance, we would get the same message for The Cooking Channel, Cartoon Network and G4 that we get for a pay channel like Cinemax that we do not subscribe to.

I did not sit and take this by the way. I am a complete evil bastard when it comes to talking with customer service. However, since The Bride used to work for Comcast, I tried my damnedest to be polite and calm, just in case I was speaking to someone we/she knew or used to work with. Just for the record, since June 7th, I have logged fourteen total calls to Comcast for various problems.

Sunday night, the shit hit the fan, as they say. The season finales of "Game of Thrones" and "The Killing" did not record at all. There were other programs that didn't record or only recorded a few minutes of that night, but those two hurt me. When I tried to calm down, and watch them OnDemand, my blood pressure shot into the sky. OnDemand wasn't working either.

I was on the phone to Comcast immediately. I had had enough of this crap. Through gritted teeth I carefully explained the problems to the customer service representative, and a technician visit was planned for the next day. This was last Tuesday. Long story short, Comcast sent a guy who looked like a Russian mobster from "The Sopranos," with a very thick (almost to the point of hysteria) accent to match, to my house to change out the cable boxes. I was told, and after he said it several times I understood, that the problem was fixed.

That night, and the next three nights, the problem reoccurred. I called the cable company again, all calm out of the question. I was no longer polite, I was no longer understanding - I was what is probably gently referred to as 'the irate customer.' Yet another customer service representative talked to me slowly and softly, as if I was on the ledge of a tall building and threatening to jump. I was told that I wouldn't being paying for the service calls, I would receive a discount on the DVR bill and that a technician would be at my home on Monday.

After a weekend of the intermittently functional DVR giving us incomplete recordings if at all, the technician arrived Monday. He asked a lot of questions, fiddled with some wires and then went outside to call his supervisor. You want to know what the bottom line was? "It's a software problem, and they are working out the bugs. Yeah, it sucks, but there it is."

The technician left. Unharmed. And about a dozen more blood vessels in my forehead popped. The problem continues. And I'm looking into TIVO.

Wishful Drinking

Wishful Drinking ~ The previews of this one woman show/video memoir on HBO made it seem quite funny, but I knew the facts - that Carrie Fisher has long suffered from alcoholism, drug addiction and manic depression, and I thought for sure it wouldn't be all laughs. I was pleasantly surprised.

The actress begins with the rather grim story of a friend dying in her bed but quickly recovers with her family history, which is hysterical... unfortunately probably because it's true. Her family tree is a twisted root turned in on itself and provides much entertainment in her retelling.

There's a lot of material covered here, and a lot for folks who have followed various facets of her career. If you know Carrie as Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds' daughter, or if you know her as the real lead character in Postcards from the Edge, or if you know her from a little movie called Star Wars - there's something here for you.

Also, if you're watching on HBO OnDemand, like I did, don't forget to watch all the extras like interviews with her parents and the poem from Star Wars that clogs up her head. Recommended.

Sara, Dean and the Professor

Gypsy 83 ~ Sara Rue, late of ABC’s “Less Than Perfect” is a Stevie Nicks-obsessed Goth girl who takes a cross-country jaunt with her gay Goth guy-pal to see ‘the Night of a Thousand Stevies.’ No, I shit you not. It’s actually pretty good and Sara gives an impressive performance except for one moment that invalidates the rest of the flick. In a scene that out-camps Phoebe Cates doing her Christmas and Lincoln’s Birthday speeches in the Gremlins movies, Sara tells of a talent show in high school where she pees herself on stage. The subplot of the Amish hitchhiker exploring the outside world for the first time is sometimes more intriguing than the main plot itself. And Karen Black is also here, not as creepy as usual, and definitely not as creepy as in real life. Great soundtrack and worth seeing unedited, as opposed to how it’s shown on Logo.

BOA ~ Here’s what OnDemand has to say about BOA: ”It’s the future. Deadly criminals shipped off to high security prison in Antarctica. But there’s a presence there more dangerous than all of them combined: A giant, prehistoric snake hibernating under the facility. Gee, I hope nobody wakes him up.” Wow, not much I can add to that, eh? Dean Cain is actually funny and watchable here, more so than he’s been since “Lois and Clark” probably.

Quatermass and the Pit ~ I first saw this one as a child, when it was called Five Million Years to Earth, and it scared the hell out of me. When I saw it for four bucks at Walgreens the other night I had to pick it up. While all that remained in my memory for three decades was the devilish image at the end of the film, I fully expected it not to live up to expectations – especially in the discount rack at a drug store, but I was wonderfully surprised. This is a very sophisticated sci-fi thriller that I’ll probably watch again and again. I also look forward to checking out the rest of the Quatermass films. A definite winner.

Do You Like to Watch?

This is my most recent find while perusing the On Demand channels on insomnia nights. It's called "Voyuers" and can be found on HBO. It's addictive and fascinating. Here is just a taste, check it out.