Bionic Nostalgia - The Legacy

Fairly quickly after the television debut of "The Six Million Dollar Man" the word 'bionic' entered the lexicon permanently, going from a science fiction term to a science fact in recent years.  While no one has been granted super-strength, speed, or senses from their bionics (that we know of), cybernetic replacement of limbs, as well as things like cochlear implants are almost everyday things. 

As we've seen, the television universe was too big to have just one bionic man.  Soon Steve Austin was joined by the Seven Million Dollar Man, the Bionic Woman, and Maximilian the Bionic Dog.  In 1976, during Lee Majors' bad mustache phase, Vincent Van Patten became the Bionic Boy in a backdoor pilot that failed to go to series.  Both series, "The Six Million Dollar Man" and "The Bionic Woman," left the air in 1978, but would return in just under a decade. 

Three TV movies would follow starting in 1987.  The first, simply and awkwardly called The Return of the Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman, was similar to the Bionic Boy in two ways - it was a failed pilot and involved a young man getting bionics, in this case, Austin's illegitimate son. The last two, coming in 1989 and 1994, were Bionic Showdown and Bionic Ever After?. 

The legacy of Martin Caidin's Cyborg novel, and the "Six Million Dollar Man" television series that was based on it continues to today. There are novels, comic books, jigsaw puzzles, the "Bionic Six" animated series (among dozens that feature bionics within them), a new, if short-lived, "Bionic Woman" show, and of course the always-threatened-but-never-announced theatrical film. Bionics remains a part of our lives and pop culture decades later.

Check out the rest of my posts in this series here.

Bionic Nostalgia - Bigfoot

Much like the Bionic Woman episodes of "The Six Million Dollar Man," I don't think I had seen "The Secret of Bigfoot" since it originally aired back in 1976.  This two-part episode, at the height of Steve Austin's bionic popularity, hit on so many power spikes of pop culture at the time, making it classic 1970s television. 

For all of you fans of "Ancient Aliens" or the real Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell who don't know, that whole cycle of strange phenomena began back in the 1970s.  From Erich Von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods? to the movie documentary The Mysterious Monsters, it was all hot at that time.  The commercial for the latter, which featured a Bigfoot's arm crashing through a window to grab its victim was pulled from television by parents' groups for scaring young children. 



That one struck a chord close to home for me, living so close to the Pine Barrens.  We didn't believe in the Jersey Devil, but we also weren't stupid enough to go in the woods at night, or sit on the couch with a window behind it.  Bigfoot was hot, aliens were hot, and so were earthquakes after the big disaster film.  A pop culture fuse had been lit and the folks behind "The Six Million Dollar Man" were going to get on board. 

"The Secret of Bigfoot" two-parter had it all - two geologists investigating the San Andreas fault, an ancient alien base, and Bigfoot, played by Andre the Giant himself.  It could only get better as Steve went to save the couple, and came face to face with Bigfoot, or as the badly stereotyped Native Americans called it, Sasquatch.  Only the stereotypes that date these episodes mar it.  Watching it again on Esquire recently, I found my childhood again. 

We were a little under a year away from the wave of jiggle shows of which Lee Majors' wife Farrah Fawcett was a big part of, and I hadn't discovered girls yet, so watching Steve Austin trade blows with the Sasquatch was a dream come true.  There is a good and lengthy fight with voiceover narrative by the aliens watching, until Steve pulls off Bigfoot's arm. 

The aliens have been there in the mountain for generations, guarded by the robotic Sasquatch.  Filmed in weird soft focus, they dress in leisure jumpsuits and a young Stephanie Powers is very interested in what makes Steve tick.  Bigfoot, while having some very cool facial make-up has an even worse wardrobe problem as he looks as if he's wearing pilly wool dreadlocked brown pajamas.  Sasquatch makes friends with Steve, maybe just to get fashion tips.  Throw in a massive Cailfornian earthquake and a nuclear bomb, and you've got a nail-biter.

In the original two-parter we get a few cameos of Jaime Sommers, a reminder of how closely linked the two series were.  As with anything so popular in pop culture, the Sasquatch kept coming back, but not always played by Andre the Giant. Ted Cassidy filled in a few times, and not as satisfactorily in my expert opinion.

The last time we see the creature, it's in the season five episode titled appropriately and simply enough, "Bigfoot V."  There's been a Bigfoot sighting and everyone is after him - anthropologists, hunters, opportunists, Rudy Wells, and Steve Austin and the OSI.  Other than some silly talk about the difference between space Bigfoots and Earth Bigfoots, this is pretty pedestrian stuff for the show, which had become mostly for the kids by this time. 

Of course, the show had such an effect on our culture that when many people think of Bigfoot, they see in their minds Andre the Giant rather than the ape-like beast from the famous Patterson-Gimlin film, and that's saying something.

Bionic Nostalgia - The Bionic Woman

Esquire (formerly G4TV, which I wish they'd bring back) has been showing old reruns of "The Six Million Dollar Man," a show I loved as a kid, along with most of my generation probably. Recently I got a chance to see the two two-part episodes "The Bionic Woman" and "The Return of the Bionic Woman," the precursors and eventual backdoor pilot to the spin-off series with Lindsey Wagner - "The Bionic Woman." I don't think I've seen these since they aired in 1975.

Toward the end of the second season of "The Six Million Dollar Man," as it was enjoying amazing popularity, the showrunners decided to do something different, and not only give some much needed background on astronaut Steve Austin, but also introduce a new character that eventually would prove more popular than the bionic man himself, Jamie Sommers. We got to visit Steve's hometown and meet his parents as he was getting tired of the spy game and needed a break. While there, the other famous citizen of Ojai was also in town, tennis pro Jaime Sommers, played by Lindsay Wagner.

The two had enjoyed a relationship in their younger years, which they rekindled rather quickly within the space of one one-hour episode. So hot was this rekindling that Steve popped the question and the two were engaged. Then, when Jaime was nearly killed in a skydiving accident, Steve, who knows that bionics can save her, begs Oscar Goldman and Rudy Wells to do what they do so well. Soon, Jaime recovers with a bionic arm, two bionic legs, and a bionic ear - price tag classified.

Tragedy strikes when Jaime's body begins to reject the bionics, and she dies. This eleven year old remembers shedding a tear then. It was one of the saddest moments of the series so far, and for kids all over America when the bionic woman died. And to cap it off, the second episode even ended with Lee Majors singing the mournful "Sweet Jaime" song. The showrunners had created a monster, one that would not die - ratings were through the roof.

When "The Six Million Dollar Man" came back for its third season, it was with a much-anticipated two-parter called "The Return of the Bionic Woman." Jaime wasn't dead, but did die on the table the year before, but was saved by an 'experimental biochemical cryosurgery.' Neither Oscar nor Rudy told Steve until he came across her himself, but sadly she had no memory of what went before, no memory of a relationship with Steve. Talk about heartbreaking. Remembering her life before causes Jaime pain, so Steve stays away, letting her move on, so she won't be in pain. Wow.

From there, "The Bionic Woman" television series spins off on its own, running two seasons on ABC and a third on NBC, becoming a unique item in TV history - one of two shows on two different networks to share the same cast as Oscar and Rudy appeared on both. Often on "The Six Million Dollar Man," Oscar was shown as Steve's buddy, but at this point, even as a child I realized he really wasn't. This was a business arrangement. Oscar was Steve and Jaime's boss, but he was friend to neither. Friends don't keep secrets like that.

Jaime abandoned the tennis pro career and settled in Ojai as a teacher. One of her kids was even Oliver from "The Brady Bunch!" From this home base she went on missions for the OSI. She would fight the Fembots, female robots from the mad scientist who sicced John Saxon on Steve Austin in his first season. And at NBC, she would gain a canine comrade in Max the Bionic Dog. One of her most dangerous missions was against a sentient doomsday machine whose inspiration was obviously Hal from 2001 A Space Odyssey.

Occasionally Steve and Jaime would cross paths with comic book-like crossover events, where part one would be on one show and part two on the other - making syndication very difficult. One such occasion dealt with the return of Bigfoot and another when Oscar had been kidnapped. Although both series were canceled in 1978, "The Bionic Woman" had proved more popular than the series she spun off from.

Three reunion movies aired years after the shows ended, as always with series in mind, but nothing ever came of it. A few years back in 2007 Kenneth Johnson tried to reboot "The Bionic Woman" for NBC with a grittier, darker version. It lasted eight episodes. More to come.

Bionic Nostalgia - The Six Million Dollar Man

Esquire TV (formerly the much missed G4 channel) has been showing old reruns of "The Six Million Dollar Man" and "The Bionic Woman," shows that while I haven't seen since the 1970s, were huge parts of my childhood, like Evel Knievel, Planet of the Apes, or SSP Racers.

Begun as three made for TV movies of the week, "The Six Million Dollar Man" was very loosely based on the book Cyborg by Martin Caidin. The book and its three sequels were much more serious, adult, and more science fiction-oriented. Much had been changed, but when I read the book sometime in the mid-seventies as a pre-teen I still enjoyed it. The telemovies were wildly successful leading almost immediately into the TV series, which ran for five years, with one spin-off, "The Bionic Woman," and at least three other attempted spin-offs. There were toys, lunchboxes, and all the other paraphernalia one might expect a phenomenon.

The premise was pretty simple. Lee Majors played Colonel Steve Austin, an astronaut and test pilot who was involved in a body crushing accident that left him without the use of an eye, an arm and both legs. Secret government organization OSI offered to rebuild him, "make him better than he was before," with bionics. Now, it's real and is something that happens (although sans super strength and telescopic vision), but then this kind of technology was pure science fiction. In exchange for saving his life, Steve agrees to go on missions for the ominous Office of Scientific Intelligence. It was average spy fare for the most part, and invariably you waited through the boring stuff to see Austin kick some butt at the end, just like "Kung Fu."

Looking back, I remember Kenneth Johnson's ("Incredible Hulk," "V," "Alien Nation") name on the series, but I had forgotten that Glen A. Larsen ("Battlestar Galactica") and Harve Bennett (responsible for the best of the "Star Trek" films Wrath of Khan) were involved as well. The show had a very small cast, usually only Majors, Richard Anderson as Oscar Goldman, sometimes Dr. Rudy Wells (played by various actors), and dozens of nameless bad guys who Austin would throw around during fight scenes. Yep, keep it simple.

In hindsight, it is only just okay television, with only the big event episodes standing out. When Steve faced the Robot, played by John Saxon, made by the scientist who would later create the Fembots who pestered the Bionic Woman, was one big event. Or when it was discovered there was another bionic man, a Seven Million Dollar Man, who turned out to be not just a jerk, but later a criminal. Or, at the height of 1970s Bigfoot and Alien fever, the appearance of Sasquatch, played by wrestler Andre the Giant, and later Ted Cassidy. There was even a renegade Venus Probe that fought our hero more than once.

The Robot (weirdly called Maskatron), Sasquatch, and the Venus Probe from above all got action figures in the playsets, it should be noted. Both the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman had action figures from Kenner. There also had the Fembots, Oscar Goldman, vehicles, and lots of mission or fashion outfits. Like Evel Knievel, these were toys that kids of a certain age had to have. I never did though. Evel was my jam.

The episodes I've seen on Esquire are, as I said, only ordinary, but full of nostalgia. I remember "The Six Million Dollar Man" fondly though, despite the season Majors sported a bad mustache. It was the first thing I watched on my first TV, a tiny black and white set, and watching the show that Sunday night was just the best. Simple things are good. More to come.

Planet of the Dead

Doctor Who returned to television this Easter in high definition, and he brought along little Zoe, the new (if brief) Bionic Woman.

"Doctor Who" is much more a big thing in 2009 because a) David Tennant will be leaving at the end of the year and b) it's not a regular TV series but a quartet of specials this year - the final one featuring Tennant's regeneration into Kid Who, Matt Smith. "Planet of the Dead" is the second of these 2009 specials.

Other than the scifi elements, "Planet of the Dead" at first bears a scary resemblance to that 1970s O.J. Simpson telemovie Detour to Terror. I'm sorry, a bus in the desert just puts me there, no choice. This special is another one of Russell T. Davies' drawing-room-mystery episodes. As much as I love Davies for bringing The Doctor back, rejuvenating the franchise and bringing the whole package into the 21st century, I am annoyed by his penchant for having a certain type of story every year. We have seen this before in each of the last seasons, like the obligatory Dalek story and the scary one and the different point of view one. It gets old when it's expected.

That said, "Planet of the Dead" is pretty cool and has a lot stuffed into it. Michelle Ryan plays Lady Christina, a Tomb Raider template thief who would make a great companion, and her chemistry with The Doctor rocks. A companion who leads him around is a great change of pace - however that may be needed once Kid Who shows up. We also get to see the return of UNIT as well as a few interesting new UNIT characters that we'll hopefully get to see more of.

The end has surprises of its own, including possibilities for a Lady Christina spin-off and a prophecy for what is to come for the end of David Tennant's run. Do I smell a return appearance for The Master coming up? Time will tell. Next up is "Waters of Mars" in September. Can't wait.


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The Other Side of the New Bionic Woman

I promised more on the new Bionic Woman, or more specifically on the crap going on behind the scenes. Here we go.

It's not just a matter of a show that worked before but the new innovators choosing to ignore what made the original successful. Not that that helps. No matter how you slice it, the original series was very successful, some say better than "The Six Million Dollar Man" from which it spun off from. Not only did it outlast it but in my opinion had more memorable episodes. Remember the fembots? How about the Alex 7000? The show even won an Emmy, where her male counterpart never did. And of course it never had the controversy this new version has had.

Let's start easy. There have been at least three pilots. One is good. Two is not bad, if the network has decided that changes in cast or plot should be made. But three? That's a bit odd, especially considering rumor stated that this series which was developed for the SciFi Channel was so good it should be kicked upstairs to NBC. If it was sooo good, why change it?

Now let's get deeper. The character of the Bionic Woman is iconic, especially in the gay community. It would seem, that along with fans of the original series this makes for a large starting fanbase, something needed if the series is indeed as different as it is. Why then, would you try to alienate that community?

Enter Isiah Washington:

http://timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=621886

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/07/AR2007090700719.html

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2007/09/will_the_gays_love_bionic_woma.html

And that's just the tip of that iceberg. Suffice it to say that all of these elements plus what I consider to be a crappy pilot that I saw add up to a big zero for this one. I might be proved wrong, but I won't be watching.

The New Bionic Woman

This review will just be about the show, the pilot (whether it's the final pilot or not remains to be seen as there have been three so far) specifically. I'll save the nightmares that have plagued the production since early on for another time. It's much too messy to open that putrid can of dead and hate-filled worms right now.

This new 're-imagining' of "The Bionic Woman" comes from the folks who did the same type of hatchet job on "Battlestar Galactica." Much of the cast is borrowed from there as well. Michelle Ryan, Zoe from the BBC's "Eastenders" and late of the much-acclaimed "Jekyll," is tapped to play Jamie (new spelling) Sommers. Rounding out the cast are Miguel Ferrer and Wil Yun Lee who are always a pleasure to see in action.

Unlike the original series with Lindsey Wagner that spun off of "The Six Million Dollar Man," this show is not kid-friendly. And even worse, it is definitely not friendly to anyone who grew up watching the show, which is a mistake I think. When adapting a project that was successful, effort should be made to find out why it was successful at least. This new version seems to have shrugged off any charm that the original may have had.

This Bionic Woman is a bartender rather than a tennis pro, and she is preceded by an evil Bionic Woman, played by "Galactica"'s Katee Sackoff who is stalking her. This Jamie has a bionic eye in addition to one arm, one ear and two legs. And the special effects that strike me as downright hysterical make her super super-vision look like a mistuned TV station and her super-hearing sound distorted. Aren't they supposed to be better?

When the show finally veers away from conspiracy, bad acting, music video and fixing your perceptions of the old show - and turns to action, we get a predictable duel between the Bionic Women. It feels like a martial arts fight where only dodging and parrying are allowed. I'm dumbstruck as to why neither woman even tries to land a punch. Weird.

I really can't recommend this show. I predict it'll be moved over to SCiFi after three or four episodes before being eventually canceled. Unless they change their attitude, this Bionic Woman is destined for the same trashbin the Bionic Dog and Bionic Boy ended up in.

Jekyll

More like Jackman and Billy than Jekyll and Hyde, the new BBC America original "Jekyll" is a refreshing new look at Robert Louis Stevenson's "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It's written and produced by Steven Moffat of "Doctor Who" and "Coupling" fame which is actually significant, as he wrote one of the more chilling "Who" episodes of the third season - "Blink" with the angel statues.

The cast headed by James Nesbit, known as the lead in "Murphy's Law" on the other side of the pond. His mannerisms and over the top expressions make it believable that Jackman and Hyde are two different people while still played by one person with very little make-up accompaniment. Also on board are Denis Lawson, Wedge Antilles from the classic original Star Wars and Michelle Ryan, TV's new "Bionic Woman."

I've only seen two episodes so far but the story is top notch as is the acting. This is an amazing update of the Jekyll/Hyde concept and definitely worth a look.