The New Bionic Woman

This review will just be about the show, the pilot (whether it's the final pilot or not remains to be seen as there have been three so far) specifically. I'll save the nightmares that have plagued the production since early on for another time. It's much too messy to open that putrid can of dead and hate-filled worms right now.

This new 're-imagining' of "The Bionic Woman" comes from the folks who did the same type of hatchet job on "Battlestar Galactica." Much of the cast is borrowed from there as well. Michelle Ryan, Zoe from the BBC's "Eastenders" and late of the much-acclaimed "Jekyll," is tapped to play Jamie (new spelling) Sommers. Rounding out the cast are Miguel Ferrer and Wil Yun Lee who are always a pleasure to see in action.

Unlike the original series with Lindsey Wagner that spun off of "The Six Million Dollar Man," this show is not kid-friendly. And even worse, it is definitely not friendly to anyone who grew up watching the show, which is a mistake I think. When adapting a project that was successful, effort should be made to find out why it was successful at least. This new version seems to have shrugged off any charm that the original may have had.

This Bionic Woman is a bartender rather than a tennis pro, and she is preceded by an evil Bionic Woman, played by "Galactica"'s Katee Sackoff who is stalking her. This Jamie has a bionic eye in addition to one arm, one ear and two legs. And the special effects that strike me as downright hysterical make her super super-vision look like a mistuned TV station and her super-hearing sound distorted. Aren't they supposed to be better?

When the show finally veers away from conspiracy, bad acting, music video and fixing your perceptions of the old show - and turns to action, we get a predictable duel between the Bionic Women. It feels like a martial arts fight where only dodging and parrying are allowed. I'm dumbstruck as to why neither woman even tries to land a punch. Weird.

I really can't recommend this show. I predict it'll be moved over to SCiFi after three or four episodes before being eventually canceled. Unless they change their attitude, this Bionic Woman is destined for the same trashbin the Bionic Dog and Bionic Boy ended up in.