Sharknado: The 4th Awakens

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens ~ Hey folks, it's that time of year again, in what has become an annual tradition, it's Sharknado time again. Unlike lightning, the Sharknado can strike once, twice, three times, and now a fourth. Can Thunder Levin and The Asylum keep it going for a fourth installment? I think that's a no-brainer, but that's the kind of fun Sharknado is.

After an amazing Star Wars opening with the scrolling introduction off into the stars, we learn that it's now five years later from the end of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!. There are no more Sharknadoes thanks to AstroX run by Tommy Davidson, who has now put their space money into a clean energy, and a Shark World hotel in Las Vegas. It's just too bad that our hero Fin Shepherd, played by Ian Ziering is also headed there for a family reunion. Predictably the fun starts very quickly, with a dust devil made of sharks. Yes, a dust devil, made, of sharks. Just go with it, folks.

This sandstorm full of sharks is apparently possible because it has no water, what Astro X was capable of preventing. As long as there's no water, they can't stop these storms. So the storm chasing Fin and his family morphs as it tracks him across the United States, changing into a boulder-nado, a fire-nado, a twine-nado, and finally a nuke-nado before Fin has a final showdown with the shark-filled beast at Niagara Falls, but not before it leaves a trail of destruction in its path.

The guest star parade is incessant, much like the window cameos in the 1966 "Batman" TV series, everyone wants to be part of Sharknado. "The Today Show" hosts are back, as are Jedward, joining, among many, many others like Vince Neil of Motley Crue, Wayne Newton, Cheryl Tiegs, Gilbert Gottfried as Ron McDonald (insert your own joke), Dog the Bounty Hunter, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Lloyd Kaufman, Carrot Top, Paul Shaffer, Corey Taylor of Slipknot, Seth Rollins, Jillian Barberie, Adrian Zmed, and Christine, Stephen King's possessed 1958 Plymouth Fury.

On the minus side, the Xfinity X1 commercials within the movie itself were just embarrassing. Dodge was obvious product placement, but at least their commercial outside the flick were amusing. Really, Xfinity, really?

This one has it all - pirate ships, shark-bergs, cyborg Tara Reid, shark-fribulators, a "Baywatch" reunion, and Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff. I loved the comic book credit sequence, and I even loved the Tara Reid homage to the cover of Action Comics #1. The movie is just fun, and if it has any flaws (other than Xfinity) it's where this Sharknado takes itself seriously or gets caught up in its own franchise continuity. Otherwise it's awesome. Bring on Sharknado 5!

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

With Sharknado, the third time is the charm, and by now, let's face it, The Asylum is just having fun. After protecting Los Angeles and New York City in Sharknado and Sharknado 2: The Second One, Ian Ziering's Fin Shepherd has to save the entire east coast, from Washington DC (which gets demolished better than it did in either Independence Day or Mars Attacks) to Orlando. Camp silliness rules, and guest stars and product placement are everywhere. Could you expect anything else? Truly, Thunder Levin and The Asylum are laughing all the way to the bank.

The opening destruction of Washington was just as exciting as the James Bond intro it was trying to emulate. It was funny, thrilling, and ridiculous - and it sets the mood for the rest of this flick. Be warned, despite the inherent silliness, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is remarkably plot heavy. While Tara Reid, Bo Derek, and the rest of Fin's non-acting family tour and promote Universal Orlando - he's making his way there from DC in an armored Shazambago.

Two of the best things about this flick are the drivers of that Winnebago - Cassie Scerbo as Nova from the first Sharknado and her sidekick Frankie Muniz. I'll take Cassie over Tara any day myself. Also look for cameos by Lou Ferrigno, Ann Coulter, Michael Bolton, Anthony Weiner, Chris Jericho, George R.R. Martin, Penn and Teller, Ne-Yo, and hell yes, even David Hasselhoff.

Like its two predecessors, this flick is a hell of a lot of fun from start to finish, and as it aired last night, plans were finalized for not just Sharknado 4, but this being a regular event. I'm down. And don't forget to vote in the Twitter contest for #AprilLives or #AprilDies... Why does this remind me of Jason Todd? Semper paratus!

Princess of Mars

Princess of Mars ~ As The Asylum is always wont to do when there is a big blockbuster movie coming out, or in this case, a potential big blockbuster movie, they make their own low budget knock off. They are usually laughable and sometimes entertaining reworkings or rewordings of the real thing. In the case of John Carter, they did something different, they went old school and cannibalized the original source material - Edgar Rice Burroughs' public domain "Princess of Mars."

The Asylum's Princess of Mars stars hunky Antonio Sabato Jr. as John Carter and, wait for it, Traci Lords as Dejah Thoris. Surprisingly, as bad as it might sound, it's not bad. It is neither as brilliant or beautiful as Disney's big budget John Carter, nor would it be deserving of the treatment that film received from the narrow minded uneducated critics. I'm being harsh, but I thought John Carter was fantastic, and the film was savaged unnecessarily.

This version of the story suffers from its budget and sometimes corny special effects but actually follows the plot relatively well. Carter is updated as an American soldier in present day Afghanistan, and even that's not too bad. The special effects prevent the Tharks from being fully realized and the CGI is shaky elsewhere, but even so, it works. I ended up liking this interpretation more than I wanted to.

The charismatic Sabato is not only more than adequate as Carter, he's more than capable, and dare I say it, just as good as Taylor Kitsch. I like him here, even with his tattoos and one-liners, Antonio Sabato Jr. is a good choice for John Carter of Mars. The Asylum works with the SyFy a lot, so if they wanted to launch a JCoM series with Sabato in the lead, I would be down. As a matter of fact, it would rock. Get to work in that, okay?

If Sabato is a bit stiff in places, he's freaking Marlon Brando compared to Traci Lords as Dejah Thoris. In appearance, she's neither brunette nor copper skinned, and I hate to say this - she looks old. Don't get me wrong, not yet fifty, Traci Lords is a beautiful woman, but she looks a bit too world weary and aged for this part. And her acting... wow, it's just not good, it would be bad for a grade school stage play. She's been better in other things, but here... let's just say Traci Lords is no Dejah Thoris.

I have to admit to digging this flick, and unlike a lot of what The Asylum churns out, it's actually pretty good. Granted, it's neither the film John Carter nor the book "A Princess of Mars," but it does what it does well. If you're a fan, check it out.

Z Nation

If there's anything better than a movie by The Asylum, it would have to be a TV series by The Asylum, and "Z Nation," their first does not disappoint.

The Asylum is perhaps best known for their low budget 'homages' to current blockbusters currently in theaters. They have also earned the term 'mockbusters.' They have treated us to such great flicks as Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies, Snakes on a Train, and, ahem, Atlantic Rim. And of course they have also been responsible for Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid, Nazis at the Center of the Earth, and the absolute classic Sharknado.

Now, The Asylum joins SyFy in producing a TV series determined to cash in on another current mega trend, zombies, and perhaps more specifically, AMC's "The Walking Dead." Their version is called "Z Nation," and it's set three years after the zombie apocalypse. The world has been ravaged by a virus that turns the recently dead into zombies, and unlike "TWD," more like 28 Days Later, these buggers can run rather than shamble. The threat level is raised considerably.

Much like "The Walking Dead," this is a road trip adventure, but this one has an objective, one more specific than simple survival. Here what remains of military order must get a survivor whose blood may contain a vaccine cure from New York to the last viral lab in California. This added hopeful endgame gives "Z Nation" an edge that unfortunately "The Walking Dead" doesn't have.

The cast is surprising. Harold Perrineau in an action lead role (shame he's only in the first episode), DJ Qualls in a fairly serious role, at least at first, ditto for Tom Everett Scott, and all are indeed very impressive. It's almost enough to make us forget this is an Asylum production. I was very impressed, this show is good. The only thing I didn't like about it was the inclusion of a baby in the first episode, but even that exceeded expectations.

And on another note, also like "TWD," the term 'zombie' is rarely if ever used. Instead of walkers or biters, the undead on "Z Nation" are called Zs. Short but sweet. And worse than just being fast, they're smart, they think, they plan. "Z Nation" does not fool around. This is much better than anyone expected it to be. Worth watching for fans of the genre.

And if you'd like more of "The Walking Dead," check out my friend Marie Gilbert's reviews of the series here at Biff Bam Pop!, and more on "Z Nation" over at The Nerd Signal.

Sharknado 2

You knew it was coming, how could it not be coming? From the moment Sharknado ended, we all knew that Sharknado 2: The Second One was coming. What the real trick is is how SyFy was able to muster the same if not bigger flurry of hype as the original. Forget the live "Sound of Music" with Carrie Underwood, this is real event television.

It still has the same plot, a tornado made of sharks, only this time it hits New York City. Ian Ziering is our almost indestructible action hero versus an army of wind propelled sharks. It's madness as only The Asylum can deliver. From the opening that rifts on Airplane! (with Robert Hays!) and "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" the guest stars come fast and furious. It's almost as much fun figuring out who's who as it is to watch this campy cool classic.

Everybody wants to be in the Sharknado sequel, from Judd Hirsch and Kelly Osborne to the looking their age Mark McGrath and Downtown Julie Brown. There's Andy Dick, Wil Wheaton, the crew of "The Today Show," Biz Markie, Perez Hilton, and even the Naked Cowboy. The entire movie is like the window gag on "Batman" '66, who's going to show up next? Jared from Subway is also in there, probably because there's Subway advertising everywhere.

There's also Vivica A. Fox, who seems to be standing in for the one-handed and ragged Tara Reid who just doesn't seem up to the sequel. Speaking of folks not aging well and unrecognizable, Kari Wuhrer, Robert Klein, and Billy Ray Cyrus are also in here. There are also multiple references to other movies like 1941, Army of Darkness, and Cloverfield. Most of all, written by Thunder Levin who wrote the original, the flick never loses its sense of humor about itself.

SyFy has fun with it as well, promoting live Tweeting of the movie, keeping a running body count, and when they could have saturated this with commercials made breaks swift and painless. Sharknado 3 is planned for next year with SyFy thinking it will be a yearly event, as long as it doesn't jump the shark, that is. This is mindless fun, jump in!

A Double Shot of Thunder

Thor: Hammer of the Gods ~ When I first saw this one on Netflix I thought for sure it was another Thor rip-off like Almighty Thor by The Asylum, but no, seriously this 2009 made for TV film is something else. Granted, it aired on SyFy, which is where most Asylum flicks end up, and obviously the concept was meant to cash in on the Marvel films based on the comics character and the Norse myth, but this has a little more depth than a copycat rip-off.

Here Thor is a Viking leading an expedition to a legendary land where he and his followers are set upon by monstrous beasts. Thor also has visions of a past life where it seems he was the god Thor, and he fought Fenris and the Midgard Serpent, children of the trickster god, Loki. See, it's a different mindset, and ends up being more Sinbad than superhero. Low budget, but well done, I really kinda dug this.

Adventures of Thunderstorm The Return of Thor ~ This movie has quite possibly the longest scrolling text intro I have ever seen, boring me into submission even before the actual movie has begun. It doesn't get any better after that. This nearly zero budget flick is bad, and in this case, amateur hour lasts an hour and twenty-five minutes.

Unlike Hammer of the Gods, this is a present day superhero movie, and weirdly more Iron Man than Thor. Cultists/terrorists are trying to bring about Ragnarok so the Norse gods, specifically Thor, send a little power Earthward to some schmuck scientist with a battlesuit to fight off the evildoers. The suit even comes with a hammer.

The acting is abysmal, the writing is worse, and the special effects are down there too. This is one of those that I watched so you won't have to. Avoid at all costs.

Sharknado!

Sharknado ~ It's a tornado. Made of sharks. Sometimes when I hear the concept of a movie, I can't help but think what the pitch for it was like. I see a boardroom sometimes, filled with executives in suits. And in this case, one stands up, clears his throat, and says… "It's a tornado, made of sharks."

The Syfy Channel has made The Asylum's movies famous. Whereas the company used to make its money making rip-offs of major blockbusters, now they are chiefly known for their giant reptile epics starring washed up 1980s and 90s stars. Syfy Saturday nights have made things like Dinocroc, Supergator, and Megashark the stuff of legend. Sharknado, on a Thursday night, is an epic landmark.

If you were paying attention to the Twitter and the Facebook the night it was airing, you would think the entire world had divided up between folks who were watching it, and folks who were refusing to watch it - but everyone was aware of it. I had to watch it. How could I resist what very well be the worst film ever made?

Did I mention it's a tornado? Made. Of. Sharks. Might as well be made of awesome. If you didn't see it, you surely missed something.

Tara Reid was supposed to be in this but I couldn't find her, or maybe I just couldn't recognize her after all that plastic surgery. But yes, yes, that is cousin Oliver himself, Robbie Rist, as the heroic bus driver. No, Ray, it was not me.

Did they really steal the Ferris wheel scene from 1941? And a bit of the drive-in scene from Twister? And even a twisted hybrid of Phoebe Cates from Gremlins and Robert Shaw from Jaws... wow. Cool bit with the Hollywood sign though. I gotta say though, the shot continuity (day to night, sunny to rainy to overcast, all randomly) was driving me a bit nutty.

Okay, reality check, there is a plot. A freak hurricane has brought sharks in droves up onto the now flooded land. There are sharks in the streets, sharks in the sewers, and yes, it's even raining sharks.

An hour into this flick, The Bride commented, "They must have spent five, ten minutes, working on this script..." That genius screenwriter is Thunder Levin, who was also responsible for the Battleship clone, American Warships, and some flick called... sigh... Atlantic Rim.
Yes, folks, it's true, global warming causes sharknadoes. And you can stop a tornado with a bomb. Riiiight.