Man-Thing

"MOVIE THING"

A Television Review of the film "Man-Thing" broadcast on the SciFi Channel.

Copyright © 2005, Glenn Walker

The film version of Man-Thing supposedly was made and meant for theatrical release, as I've just viewed it on the SciFi Channel, I would guess those plans fell through. Granted, the Man-Thing is no Spider-Man, Hulk or X-Men, but that doesn't meant the concept couldn't hold its own on the big screen, or does it?

My sister, a big SciFi Channel fan, and I have discussed the schedule for that network on weekends quite a bit. Weekends seem to be a dumping ground for the absolute worst Z-grade scifi and horror films currently being made. Most notorious for flicks about giant snakes, alien abductions and guest starring Kari Wuhrer and Billy Baldwin, this death slot of bad television is where they aired Man-Thing - Saturday night at nine PM, prime time.

In the comics, Man-Thing is something of a footnote for various reasons. The concept is one of the true coincidences in the comics world, where two major publishers have had roughly the same idea at the exact same time. There was the Vision and the Red Tornado, Crisis on Infinite Earths and Secret Wars, and Man-Thing and Swamp Thing.
Both Man-Thing and Swamp Thing were men that were by horrible consequences transformed into bog creatures, and they both debuted on the stands simultaneously. Marvel's Man-Thing, created by Steve Gerber (also of Howard the Duck, another fantastic character crucified and disemboweled by Hollywood), had decidedly less success than DC's Swamp Thing however.

Man-Thing also had a great tagline - "Whatever knows fear burns at the touch of the Man-Thing!" If only the stories and the characters matched that line or even halfway lived up to the hype. While Man-Thing lasted, riding the wave of early 1970s Marvel horror, it did make a mark and remains a fixture and fan favorite in today's comics. Appearances with such other obtuse characters like the Hulk, Howard the Duck and the Micronauts were memorable.

The Man-Thing's most notorious claim to fame however might be the dangerous double entendre it gained in the mid-1970s with a companion title. At the time, Marvel was publishing larger books with bigger stories and added reprints of most of its books, called Giant-Sized books. You guessed it, thus was born Giant-Size Man-Thing, still legendary to this day. Despite what some folks may think, the book was still about a swamp creature and had nothing to do with what you're thinking. Shame on you!

From Lions Gate and Marvel Productions, we now have the movie. Despite being made for theatrical release and having a slamming soundtrack, the film does have the stink of a Saturday night SciFi Channel offering. Badly written, no name actors and a sad, pitiful premise where a reasonable, simpler one would have worked better.
The cinematic Man-Thing is an eco-champion, preying on evil industrialists who pollute and corrupt nature. He's (it's?) also a monster in the most fundamental manner. Shambling about, growling and staying in the dark for most of the time to hide any shabby special effects, he takes out The Man and helps out the bayou natives and Earth-friendly folk. Here Man-Thing is definitely more Bigfoot than Swamp Thing when you come right down to it.

When we do actually do see Man-Thing, the face is pretty close to the comics with the three roots hanging down and the piercing red eyes. However, the rest of the body is a whole other thing, or, pun intended, Man-Thing. Too skinny and too many wild, apparently sentient, and very Dr. Octopus-like roots to do its bidding are the highlights of this Man-Thing.

The story was slow and contrived, and especially cliched. Prophecy from 1979 did it much better. Nice touch though having a character named Ploog, named after artist Mike Ploog who depicted the swamp creature back in the 1970s, it proves the folks in charge at least had clue about the source material.

This could have been good. Director Brett Leonard has had quite a few misses, but when he hits (the highly underrated cyberpunk thriller Virtuosity and the absolutely brilliant Shock to the System) he hits hard. Shame he didn't put that kind of effort into Man-Thing. In related comics news however, the writer of this one, Hans Rodionoff is also rumored to be working on a script for another 1970s Marvel horror, Werewolf by Night.

An R-rated version of Man-Thing debuts in DVD on June 14th. Now maybe if they make a sequel, and Sci-Fi is notorious for making sequels to movies that by every right under the sun shouldn't be made, maybe they'll call it Giant-Size Man-Thing.

More Quickies

Sideways

Unimpressed.

Casino Royale (1954)

Other than Bond being American, much better than any of the 1980s and 90s Bonds.

Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter

Blasphemous and hilarious.

Elektra

Pretty but pointless.

Finding Neverland

Another great performance from both Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett, see it.

Battle Royale

Fun and brutal, but nowhere near lives up to the hype.

The Caveman's Valentine

The best film I've seen this year. Samuel L. Jackson is brilliant and Kasi Lemmons is one of the best and most underrated directors working today.

Catwoman

There's a place in Hell reserved for everyone involved in making this film, but rent the DVD for "The Many Lives of Catwoman," one of the best comic documentaries I've seen in a while.

*previously posted at Comics Uncovered

Who Is This Jerk And Where Has He Been?

Damn, I have a blog. I forgot all about it.

Movie reviews, huh? How about some random thoughts and snippets instead? Here goes...

National Treasure

Never film a movie in a major city if in the chase scenes you're going to have characters go from one place to another that is nearly a mile away in seconds. Dumb dumb dumb, and I'm not even talking about the plot.

Catwoman

You know that feeling of having to throw up while you're driving, and you know you really can't throw up, so you you swallow what's already in your mouth? Yep, that's this film.

Lady Death

What if the animated Pax program "Greatest Heroes of the Bible" were done by horny thirteen year old boys obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons? That's this film.

The Great Muppet Caper

Lots of great tributes to the old 1930s and 40s Hollywood musicals, some grin-worthy Muppet moments, not enough pig jokes, too much Charles Grodin and a special effects overload on Muppets riding bikes.

Maybe I'll do more later...

"CAN YOU BELIEVE THE HYPE?"

"CAN YOU BELIEVE THE HYPE?"

A Video Review of "Swimfan"

Copyright 2004 Glenn Walker

I saw a lot of movies in theatres in the summer of 2002. By far, the most hyped movie of that summer was Swimfan. You couldn’t blink without tripping over this preview or being smacked in the face with the poster. I grew to hate the previews, previously one of my favorite parts of going to the movies. The hype definitely lasted much much longer than the film itself was even in the theatres.

Swimfan was directed by second-rate actor John Polson and written by a pair of first timers, Charles Bohl and Phillip Schneider. Despite the strikes against them, it’s not that bad. I do wonder whose idea the ever-present blue tint in this flick was - that person deserves serious anti-props.

The story itself is child’s play to anyone who’s seen a Lifetime thriller or an early 1970s ABC movie of the week. Poor schmuck doesn’t return psycho chick’s affections and she stalks him with gimmicks and shocks that would make Alfred Hitchcock and William Castle blush.

The ‘victimized’ guy is Jesse Bradford, from Hackers who was also one of the underrated highlights of Bring It On. I put victimized in quotes because technically he brought all this on himself by being sexually promiscuous with a sociopath. It’s sort of a twist on the old slasher film theory that if you do it you die.

Taking on the Glenn Close Fatal Attraction role is Julia Stiles-wannabe Erika Christensen who was also in The Banger Sisters and the Leave It to Beaver movie. They do their best. Whether that’s a compliment or not remains to be seen.

Blink and you’ll miss relatively decent actors Dan Hedeya and Nick Sandow as obligatory adults, the coach and cop respectively. Also look out for Jason Ritter, son of the late John Ritter and star of "Joan of Arcadia" who does a good turn here.

What’s really annoying about the whole scenario is the "Pretty White Kids with Problems" vibe flowing through the whole movie. It’s hard for me to relate to happy, well-adjusted teenagers who have their own cars in high school, getting scholarships and having serious relationships - all at seventeen - even if they are being stalked by sociopathic girlfriends. Maybe it’s just me.

In retrospect, after finally seeing this film almost two years later, the previews were much much better than the film itself. I would have rather seen the preview.

Pretty/Scary

Press Release: July 2004
Pretty/Scary: Women in Horror
http://www.pretty-scary.com

Women in Horror: Why?

Pretty/Scary. The duality of the phrase is simple. Women can be pretty. They can also be scary. Women can be pretty scary. In a world where most geeks are men, it’s hard for women to find one another among all the testosterone-ridden conventions, film screenings, comic book stores, and underground video collections. It’s also difficult to find a way for women to accept their beauty, sex appeal, and femininity while acknowledging that they are smart, talented, and intelligent as well. When you think of a geek, does Angelina Jolie pop into your head? Well, not really. But if you think about some of the films she’s been in (Tomb Raider, anyone?) it’s clear to see that she’s got a geeky side to herself. For years women have been presented as only the objects of men’s affections, gracing the covers of Draculina Magazine and appearing nearly naked in slasher films, with never a thought from anyone that maybe women are doing it cause they like horror and science fiction. Maybe they don’t only exist to please men, but to please themselves. Maybe there are pretty geeks, after all!

When I started getting to know women in the horror business, I soon found out that many driving forces were women. There are actresses who seduce, but also produce. There are horror writers, actresses, and artists out there who are just as active, if not more so, than men, who don’t get a chance to exploit their femininity. It’s the twenty-first century, and it’s about time that women can be pretty and scary without having to compromise either their beauty or their intelligence in order to be part of the horror world.

Amy Lynn Best, Jennifer Whildin, and I (Heidi Martinuzzi) started Pretty/Scary so that women in horror have a place to promote their films and novels, to congregate, to read about other women, to network, and to read about horror from the point of view of other women. Not to sound like a feminist (and I’m not knocking feminism), but most horror magazines and websites are all about men. Women are treated only as eye candy only. At Pretty/Scary, we treat men like Eye candy. Every month we will list a new Hot Man in Horror, and we’ll turn him into a piece of meat for all to see. Our first HOT man is Eli Roth, director of Cabin Fever and his interview is about 5 lines long. He’s lucky we gave him that before we started drooling. We will also honor actresses, writers, and producers for their contributions to the horror industry. Our first honoree is Cassandra Peterson, AKA Elvira, who graces us with a three page interview and her view on women in horror.

Aside from interviews and news, Pretty/Scary hopes to be the definitive review site for horror films and novels by women. Giving an in-depth look at all novels and films written, produced, or directed by women, Pretty/Scary will also review books and films where women are the main characters (like I Spit on Your Grave, Catwoman, and The Grudge). There is a mailing list and a forum, plus an area where members can post their own horror fiction. We have original dark and horror themed artwork by women in our art galleries, and we will be covering and reviewing women in punk, gothic, and hardcore metal bands. We’re trying to cover all aspects of horror, so if we’ve left anything out, please let us know! We want to cover independent and mainstream horror alike; there’ s no room for distinction when our main focus is on women.

The website will be launched July 30th, 2004 and can be found at www.pretty-scary.com. We welcome anyone in the horror business, female and male, to come visit and contribute in any way. Likewise, we are always looking for news stories and women to promote.

Pretty/Scary, in conjunction with Necroscopic Entertainment, is launching a 2005 Women in Independent Horror Calendar that will be available for purchase on the Pretty/Scary website and in comic book stores and book stores around the country this Fall. The calendar features horror actresses Sheri Moon Zombie, Brinke Stevens, Debbie Rochon, Ryli Morgan, Melantha Blackthorne, Suzi Lorraine, Amy Lynn Best, Syn DeVil, Lilith Stabs, April Burril, Rachael Robbins, and me, Heidi! (even though I am not a Scream Queen) One of the main issues I have found with Women in Horror is the strange distinction that some horror actresses have developed, that of Scream Queen. I thought it was an interesting topic to ask the girls about, since not only are they Scream Queens, but they are being put in a Calendar for that very reason. Here is what some of the most important women in horror films today have to say about the ideas of women, horror, and being pretty scary…

“Well, it has been my experience that most horror actors limit themselves to just that...acting. I have made it a point over my career to ask many questions and inform myself about all levels of film production. The knowledge I have picked up along the way has allowed me to participate to varying degrees in the writing, directing and producing of most of the projects in which I have been involved” -Melantha Blackthorne

“Part of me loves it, and wants to at least come close to that status. The other part of me doesn’t like that term very much, because I know a few of these ladies and there is SO much more to them than their ability to jiggle in the right places and scream at the horrible monster that’s coming their way. I don’t want to say it’s demeaning, but it isn’t as all-encompassing a description as it should be, in order to properly describe these women.” -Ryli Morgan, on the term “Scream Queen”

“Right now I think it helps to portray myself as having sex appeal. I mean, why not? I’m young and sexy, right?! But in my last film “Screaming Dead” I was actually cast as the plain, level headed girl. And that was a nice departure. I mean I can’t play the damsel in distress forever. It was fun playing the bimbo, cheerleader, and bombshell. But what comes after that for those characters? They are fun and cute when it’s a young girl playing them, but the aging version is just plain old pathetic! Think of Mrs. Roper on “Three’s Company”!!” -Rachael Robbins on being hot

“There’s this scene that I did in a movie called “Love” - basically I play this obsessive compulsive chick with numerous neuroses - my character has a fight with the other lead actor - I just seized the moment and went balls to the walls ballistic & crazy. I think everybody on set was genuinely scared, haha. Afterwards they told me the scene kicked some major ass!” -Suzi Lorraine on her favorite scene in a horror film

“I think it’s been turned into a generic word. Nowadays, ever woman in a low budget movie, horror or not, has been called a Scream Queen. The meaning has been completely diluted. My own term has become “Spicy Sister”.” -Amy Lynn best on the term Scream Queen

“One certainly doesn't become a Scream Queen without solid attributes; she could hit a high pitched scream as well as her low budget sisters could, but more importantly, well endowed or not, she was perfectly inclined to go topless. And the willingness to go topless has been the number one requirement of a working Scream Queen since the 'big' 80's.” -Debbie Rochon on Scream Queens

“I have set myself apart by perfecting a Jekyll & Hyde switch in films. I often start out normal -- an apparent victim -- and then something happens to transform me into a villain. Like, I get possessed by demons, or go insane and become a homicidal maniac, or I get bitten and turn into a blood-sucking vampire. (Examples of that are "HAUNTING FEAR", "SPIRITS", "GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE", and "TRANSYLVANIA TWIST".) I've also played a lot of strong female characters, despite my petite size (like "HYBRID", "CORPSES ARE FOREVER") -- and I've fondly been dubbed "The thinking man's Scream Queen" because of my college degrees.” -Brinke Stevens, on what makes her different from other women in horror

“ I think my name is pretty cool...hell that's why I use it.... to hear a horror actress playing a vampire or monster or something & her name is like June summers it just doesn't seem right” -Syn Devil on her name

”…The final, bloody killing scene in “Chainsaw Sally”. Something about having all that fake blood splashed on me while holding a running chainsaw as I stand over my victim really lights my fire! Call me crazy...” -April Burril on her favorite scene in Chainsaw Sally

Women have minds and intellect and talent. And beauty. And they can be terrifying. From film festivals to magazines to movies, women are taking a much bigger role in horror than ever before, and it’s time someone was there to get the story straight. That’s what Pretty/Scary is all about….

For Press Information, Submissions, and General Info:
Pretty/Scary
www.pretty-scary.com
Press contact: heidi@pretty-scary.com