MIKE WHITE IS A GENIUS

A Film Review of "The Good Girl"

Copyright 2002 Glenn Walker

Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly says "A comedy of winning delicacy and heart." Andrew Johnston of Us Weekly says "A fantastic performance from Jennifer Anniston with range and depth." Peter Travers of Rolling Stone says "Sly, comic and touching." All I want to know is… WHAT MOVIE DID THEY SEE????

All I have to say is screenwriter Mike White is a genius. He managed to screw me out of eight dollars, get me into a theatre playing a Jennifer Anniston movie and make me sit there for 93 agonizing minutes. This is easily the worst movie I have seen this year. It almost makes Star Wars: Episode One: The Phantom Menace palatable. Ten minutes in I was screaming "Good God, will it ever end?!"

The multi-talented (Can you smell what the Rock is cooking? Yes! That's right, it's sarcasm!) Jennifer Anniston plays a white trash retail cashier who cheats on her no good pothead husband (John C. Reilly of Gangs of New York and The Perfect Storm) with a sociopathic young writer (Jake Gyllenhaal of Donnie Darko and the equally brilliant Bubble Boy) who also works with her.

Jennifer Anniston's idea of depth is staring off into space for moments at a time. Who said being married to Brad Pitt hasn't taught her anything about acting. I would say Jake Gyllenhaal was good if he didn't play the same character in every movie he's in. The one or two actual funny lines that Zooey Deschanel utters over the store loudspeakers are not worth the hell of sitting through this piece of crap but she has the charisma to maybe make something of herself.

Toward the end of this merciless marathon I prayed for someone to come out of the darkness with an axe a la Catherine Breillat's Fat Girl and kill them all. Probably the only good thing about this experience was that I didn't have to sit through previews of Blue Crush and Swimfan. Now, wait a minute… that might have been an improvement.

Rating *

***** Must see
**** Worth seeing
*** So you have eight dollars you want to throw away…
** Is Adam Sandler in this mess?
* A bullet would be quicker.

The above previously appeared at the now defunct and sadly missed Project Popcorn which was brought to you by the fine folks now at Jersey Diner Arts (see link at right).