"SEE? I DON’T HATE EVERY ADAM SANDLER MOVIE"
A Video Review of Happy Gilmore
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
Anyone who read more than a few of my movie reviews will tell you I have a problem with Adam Sandler. That’s really not true. My opinion has nothing to do with how untalented, unfunny or ultimately how freaking annoying Mr. Sandler is. It’s just fact.
There are one or two Adam Sandler films that I actually like (The Wedding Singer, for instance) and can watch without retching (although it should be noted I have not seen every Adam Sandler film (there is a God) so I might be missing some hidden treasure but I doubt it).
Happy Gilmore is one I can stand. Just when you thought the Caddyshack movies (my god, it hurts that there were more than one, doesn’t it?) had used up all the golf jokes, you get this flick.
It’s an amusing premise; Sandler is an ex-hockey player with an uncanny golf ability who tries to play the game to make money for his grandmother. He doesn’t do any stupid voices. The story is predictable but funny. The fight with Bob Barker is classic. "The price is wrong, bitch!"
See? I don’t hate every Adam Sandler film.
Friday, April 25, 2003
Thursday, April 24, 2003
A Perfect Murder
"IS IT TIME FOR THE GOOD GUYS TO WIN YET?"
A Video Review of A Perfect Murder
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
Michael Douglas plays the same guy in every movie he’s in, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. He’s doesn’t suffer for it – he’s a good actor, just at playing Michael Douglas. A clever man beset by circumstances. If you were to tell me that the leads in Fatal Attraction, The Game, Disclosure and even the "Streets of San Francisco" TV series were all the same character I’d have no trouble believing you. Michael Douglas is, well, damn good as Michael Douglas.
Gwyneth Paltrow (View from the Top, Duets, Emma) and Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings, the butchered TV remake of Vanishing Point) at least have range in their parts in A Perfect Murder. Director Andrew Davis’ film is well done, slickly filmed and deliciously acted in a style Hitchcock would be jealous of. The problem with the flick, adapted by Patrick Smith Kelly from the Frederick Knott play, is that nobody can be trusted. There is no one here, not husband, not wife, not other man, no one to root for. You want them all to die. Everyone here is despicable and you can’t wait for their come-uppence.
Whenever I see a suspense or action thriller with my wife her better sensibilities make her bury her face in my shoulder and cry, "Is it time for the good guys to win yet?" I’m glad we didn’t see this one together. I’d have to answer, "Sorry, honey, no good guys this time."
A Video Review of A Perfect Murder
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
Michael Douglas plays the same guy in every movie he’s in, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. He’s doesn’t suffer for it – he’s a good actor, just at playing Michael Douglas. A clever man beset by circumstances. If you were to tell me that the leads in Fatal Attraction, The Game, Disclosure and even the "Streets of San Francisco" TV series were all the same character I’d have no trouble believing you. Michael Douglas is, well, damn good as Michael Douglas.
Gwyneth Paltrow (View from the Top, Duets, Emma) and Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings, the butchered TV remake of Vanishing Point) at least have range in their parts in A Perfect Murder. Director Andrew Davis’ film is well done, slickly filmed and deliciously acted in a style Hitchcock would be jealous of. The problem with the flick, adapted by Patrick Smith Kelly from the Frederick Knott play, is that nobody can be trusted. There is no one here, not husband, not wife, not other man, no one to root for. You want them all to die. Everyone here is despicable and you can’t wait for their come-uppence.
Whenever I see a suspense or action thriller with my wife her better sensibilities make her bury her face in my shoulder and cry, "Is it time for the good guys to win yet?" I’m glad we didn’t see this one together. I’d have to answer, "Sorry, honey, no good guys this time."
Saturday, April 19, 2003
13th Child
"IS CLIFF ROBERTSON RELATED TO ADAM SANDLER?"
A Film Review of 13th Child: The Legend of the Jersey Devil: Volume One
Copyright 2002 Glenn Walker
Oh boy. Oh. Boy. Where do I start? Let’s go from the title. 13th Child: The Legend of the Jersey Devil: Volume One is just so short and concise it just rolls off the tongue perfectly. Sarcasm mode off. But only for the moment.
"13th Child" actually relates to the real legend of the Jersey Devil, of which there is precious little in this movie. According to the legend, Mrs. Leeds (or Shourds, depending on which version you believe) gave birth to a thirteenth child. So sick of childbirth was she that she cursed the baby to be a devil. Lo and behold it was and promptly flew up the chimney and out into the south Jersey wilderness known as the Pine Barrens. There it has roamed for well over two hundred years. No mention of that makes it into the film.
The thirteenth child here is a non-sensical reference to an ancient Native American (Leni Lenape, to be exact, at least they got the name of the tribe that roamed the area right) curse about a thirteenth child being a shape-shifter. Like I said, nonsense.
Why ruin a perfectly good centuries-old horror story with crap like that? The other thing about the title that bothers me is "Volume One." It mocks us with its arrogant intent for sequels. The last movie that tried that was Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins and I think we all know how many sequels that one had.
Other than professionals (and I use the word loosely) like Robert Guillaume and Cliff Robertson (who unbelievably had a hand in writing and producing this mess) the acting is horrible. It’s the worst. I can act better than these idiots and anyone who’s seen me act (check out "Standard Issue" or "Elbow Talk" at www.whitevioletpictures.com) knows what a terrible insult that is.
Not only does the acting suck the directing is slipshod and the story is a sloppily written flasbacked mess. At some points it hurt to watch. I really want to slap Cliff Robertson.
There are good parts. At times it seems like an early Roger Corman work with Ed Wood sensibilities. With some Band-Aids here and there it could (maaaaybe) have been good. It does have an old school 1970s horror flick vibe going for it.
The music is superior, better than most of the crap we get in horror movies lately. It’s very suspenseful and builds wonderfully. It even punches up scary scenes that might normally have been dull without it thanks to what passes for actors in this mess.
The best part for me, and it’s only a novelty for myself and other folks who actually live in south Jersey, is that it’s filmed here. A majority is filmed at Batsto, an old historical village that is now a park. The town made cannonballs for the American Revolution, it doubles for a creepy old man’s property. Very cool, for some of us at least. Also for the locals, look for a brief cameo of Mr. Movie, Steve Friedman, but not his voice.
The special effects aren’t bad, the Jersey Devil seems to owe quite a bit to Alien and is genuinely scary until we get a close-up in the light – bad move. Lit up, it just looks cheap.
More bad than good. Let’s hope we never see "Volume Two."
A Film Review of 13th Child: The Legend of the Jersey Devil: Volume One
Copyright 2002 Glenn Walker
Oh boy. Oh. Boy. Where do I start? Let’s go from the title. 13th Child: The Legend of the Jersey Devil: Volume One is just so short and concise it just rolls off the tongue perfectly. Sarcasm mode off. But only for the moment.
"13th Child" actually relates to the real legend of the Jersey Devil, of which there is precious little in this movie. According to the legend, Mrs. Leeds (or Shourds, depending on which version you believe) gave birth to a thirteenth child. So sick of childbirth was she that she cursed the baby to be a devil. Lo and behold it was and promptly flew up the chimney and out into the south Jersey wilderness known as the Pine Barrens. There it has roamed for well over two hundred years. No mention of that makes it into the film.
The thirteenth child here is a non-sensical reference to an ancient Native American (Leni Lenape, to be exact, at least they got the name of the tribe that roamed the area right) curse about a thirteenth child being a shape-shifter. Like I said, nonsense.
Why ruin a perfectly good centuries-old horror story with crap like that? The other thing about the title that bothers me is "Volume One." It mocks us with its arrogant intent for sequels. The last movie that tried that was Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins and I think we all know how many sequels that one had.
Other than professionals (and I use the word loosely) like Robert Guillaume and Cliff Robertson (who unbelievably had a hand in writing and producing this mess) the acting is horrible. It’s the worst. I can act better than these idiots and anyone who’s seen me act (check out "Standard Issue" or "Elbow Talk" at www.whitevioletpictures.com) knows what a terrible insult that is.
Not only does the acting suck the directing is slipshod and the story is a sloppily written flasbacked mess. At some points it hurt to watch. I really want to slap Cliff Robertson.
There are good parts. At times it seems like an early Roger Corman work with Ed Wood sensibilities. With some Band-Aids here and there it could (maaaaybe) have been good. It does have an old school 1970s horror flick vibe going for it.
The music is superior, better than most of the crap we get in horror movies lately. It’s very suspenseful and builds wonderfully. It even punches up scary scenes that might normally have been dull without it thanks to what passes for actors in this mess.
The best part for me, and it’s only a novelty for myself and other folks who actually live in south Jersey, is that it’s filmed here. A majority is filmed at Batsto, an old historical village that is now a park. The town made cannonballs for the American Revolution, it doubles for a creepy old man’s property. Very cool, for some of us at least. Also for the locals, look for a brief cameo of Mr. Movie, Steve Friedman, but not his voice.
The special effects aren’t bad, the Jersey Devil seems to owe quite a bit to Alien and is genuinely scary until we get a close-up in the light – bad move. Lit up, it just looks cheap.
More bad than good. Let’s hope we never see "Volume Two."
The Only Films the Academy Ever Sees
Time warp time again, folks. This one was written shortly after the Oscar nominations for this year's awards...
"THE ONLY FILMS THE ACADEMY EVER SEES"
Observations about the 2002 Oscar nominations
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is supposed to see all the movies released the current year so as to judge what should be nominated as the best in each given category. Well, at least in a perfect world. We all know that’s not the way it works.
The real rules are different. They only see films released in December. Only films by major directors. Only featuring tried (or should that be tired) and true actors like Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep. If it’s got Tom Hanks it’s got a pretty good chance too. Plusses for films with Nazis or the handicapped also have a good shot as well. Don’t ask me, I don’t make the rules.
Speaking of Jack Nicholson, I also have to assume I’m the only one sick of Jack Nicholson being nominated for playing Jack Nicholson. Oh. Boy. I just can’t wait to see him act with genius Adam Sandler later this year in Anger Management. What a joy that will be. Does Jack have some serious gambling debts we don’t know about? He can’t need the money that bad.
Nominations can not include horror movies or comedies, Nothing with teenage casts or rock music scores. Nothing animated, no superheroes, no action heroes and nothing based on TV show or toy. These aren’t real films. Which is a shame, one of the better performances I’ve ever seen from Lou Gossett is in a wretched piece of crap called The Punisher, based on a Marvel comic book. A performance no doubt never seen by the Academy.
The Hours? Interesting idea but the movie is aptly named – it seems like hours. My Big Fat Greek Wedding? It deserved much much more than just a nomination for screenplay. Adaptation? I can’t understand this one, yeah, it was clever but much too long. Meryl Streep was capable of better than this and Nicholas Cage… get real, he had a double role so he was twice as bad as usual.
Where was One Hour Photo and Insomnia? How often do you get (and I don’t believe I’m saying this) two movies in one year where Robin Williams actually deserves praise? Where was Igby Goes Down? Where was the screenplay nom for Spider-Man or the musical score for Harry Potter? What about Dennis Quaid and The Rookie? Sam Rockwell and Drew Barrymore in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind as well as George Clooney? Where is the major omission this year (notably based on a comic book) Road to Perdition featuring wonderful performances by Jude Law, Tom Hanks and Paul Newman along with director Sam Mendes.
Oh, well, I guess this is another year I’ll watch the Oscars on tape with my finger on the fast forward button. There’s always next year. Yeah, right.
"THE ONLY FILMS THE ACADEMY EVER SEES"
Observations about the 2002 Oscar nominations
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is supposed to see all the movies released the current year so as to judge what should be nominated as the best in each given category. Well, at least in a perfect world. We all know that’s not the way it works.
The real rules are different. They only see films released in December. Only films by major directors. Only featuring tried (or should that be tired) and true actors like Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep. If it’s got Tom Hanks it’s got a pretty good chance too. Plusses for films with Nazis or the handicapped also have a good shot as well. Don’t ask me, I don’t make the rules.
Speaking of Jack Nicholson, I also have to assume I’m the only one sick of Jack Nicholson being nominated for playing Jack Nicholson. Oh. Boy. I just can’t wait to see him act with genius Adam Sandler later this year in Anger Management. What a joy that will be. Does Jack have some serious gambling debts we don’t know about? He can’t need the money that bad.
Nominations can not include horror movies or comedies, Nothing with teenage casts or rock music scores. Nothing animated, no superheroes, no action heroes and nothing based on TV show or toy. These aren’t real films. Which is a shame, one of the better performances I’ve ever seen from Lou Gossett is in a wretched piece of crap called The Punisher, based on a Marvel comic book. A performance no doubt never seen by the Academy.
The Hours? Interesting idea but the movie is aptly named – it seems like hours. My Big Fat Greek Wedding? It deserved much much more than just a nomination for screenplay. Adaptation? I can’t understand this one, yeah, it was clever but much too long. Meryl Streep was capable of better than this and Nicholas Cage… get real, he had a double role so he was twice as bad as usual.
Where was One Hour Photo and Insomnia? How often do you get (and I don’t believe I’m saying this) two movies in one year where Robin Williams actually deserves praise? Where was Igby Goes Down? Where was the screenplay nom for Spider-Man or the musical score for Harry Potter? What about Dennis Quaid and The Rookie? Sam Rockwell and Drew Barrymore in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind as well as George Clooney? Where is the major omission this year (notably based on a comic book) Road to Perdition featuring wonderful performances by Jude Law, Tom Hanks and Paul Newman along with director Sam Mendes.
Oh, well, I guess this is another year I’ll watch the Oscars on tape with my finger on the fast forward button. There’s always next year. Yeah, right.
Friday, April 18, 2003
Bulletproof
"PLAYING UP YOUR STRENGTHS"
A Video Review of Bulletproof
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
Damon Wayans is funny about half the time and Adam Sandler is never funny so when I sat down to view Bulletproof (there was nothing else on, I couldn’t reach the remote, there wasn’t a gun handy) I figured it had a 25% chance of being funny. This would be a bet I would lose.
Sandler and Wayans begin the film as buddies, car thieves stealing and having a good time. However it turns out Wayans is really an undercover cop trying to use Sandler to get evidence on the big crime boss James Caan (who is completely wasted here, come on we know he can act, let him!).
After Wayans is revealed and the two betray each other it turns out they must work together to get Caan. They spend the bulk of the flick at odds with each other which sucks because the chemistry between them as friends is gone when they’re not. They work well together as buddies so why not write a film where they’re buddies all the way through? Play to your strengths, right? And considering we’re talking about Adam Sandler here you need to take advantage of all the strengths you can get your hands on.
Wayans has proven himself in drama and comedy and is pretty good in this more-drama-than-comedy. Sandler is terrible as usual and of course is never funny. At least he doesn’t lapse into his stupid moron voices here… much.
Agree with me? Think I'm full of it? Bring it on! monsura2 at yahoo dot com
More of my movie reviews available at Project: Popcorn
http://www.whitevioletpictures.com/popcorn/
A Video Review of Bulletproof
Copyright 2003 Glenn Walker
Damon Wayans is funny about half the time and Adam Sandler is never funny so when I sat down to view Bulletproof (there was nothing else on, I couldn’t reach the remote, there wasn’t a gun handy) I figured it had a 25% chance of being funny. This would be a bet I would lose.
Sandler and Wayans begin the film as buddies, car thieves stealing and having a good time. However it turns out Wayans is really an undercover cop trying to use Sandler to get evidence on the big crime boss James Caan (who is completely wasted here, come on we know he can act, let him!).
After Wayans is revealed and the two betray each other it turns out they must work together to get Caan. They spend the bulk of the flick at odds with each other which sucks because the chemistry between them as friends is gone when they’re not. They work well together as buddies so why not write a film where they’re buddies all the way through? Play to your strengths, right? And considering we’re talking about Adam Sandler here you need to take advantage of all the strengths you can get your hands on.
Wayans has proven himself in drama and comedy and is pretty good in this more-drama-than-comedy. Sandler is terrible as usual and of course is never funny. At least he doesn’t lapse into his stupid moron voices here… much.
Agree with me? Think I'm full of it? Bring it on! monsura2 at yahoo dot com
More of my movie reviews available at Project: Popcorn
http://www.whitevioletpictures.com/popcorn/
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