American Idol, Again?

I remember when Neil Young sang those immortal words, "it's better to burn out than fade away." The Bride wanted to watch "American Idol" again this year, so I've been shanghaied into half-watching it as well. There's something to be said about 'burning out' and going out on top or at least close to it. That said, I think "American Idol" has been fading away for the better part of a decade.

I've been watching the show since the beginning and have enjoyed it, bought the songs on iTunes, voted like crazy, entered betting pools, and loved the water cooler talk the next day. But the show's better days are long gone. I barely paid attention last season, and the last time I was excited about AI was when Nicki Minaj was a judge, and that was a while ago.

I tried to watch the first two episodes, that's four hours, folks, and even though it was in the audition phase - when we see the raw superstars and pure train wrecks, arguably the best part of any season - I was bored out of my mind. And it's not that this type of program has gone out of style or popularity either. Both similar programs like "The Voice" and "America's Got Talent" thrive in this current television environment. I think the truth is that "American Idol" just sucks, or to soften the blow, this incarnation of it sucks.

As I half-watched, it's as if this season picked up directly from the last - nothing has changed. The judges, once entertaining, now seem hamstrung, and hesitating and struggling to tell contestants the truth. It is painfully obvious that steps have been taken to make the show more positive and uplifting, so the freak show (and ratings bonanza) that the audition phase has always been, is now dull and less entertaining. Gone are the days of She-Bang and Princess Leia, and it's a sad thing.

We need the freaks back, and we also need the mean back. No one on this show seems capable of telling the contestants what sometimes they need to hear - that they suck. Simon Cowell was the driving force that made this show successful in my opinion, and his "X-Factor" never even came close to matching his performances on AI. Someone needs to be mean and truthful. The new judges can't even be subtle. Keith Urban does the saddest excuse for a Paula Abdul "Nice shirt" comment. I think, "American Idol," it's been a nice run, but it's time to die. Pack it up.

The New American Idol

There's a whole new game going on at Fox's "American Idol" this season, specifically in the way of three new judges. Randy Jackson stays on as the only remaining original judge, but he is joined by country singer Keith Urban, hip hop media superstar Nicki Minaj, and the legendary Mariah Carey. The problem is, as I and others have talked about here and there, indications are that the newbies get along like gasoline and fire.

"American Idol" premiered with its twelfth season last week with two two-hour episodes featuring contestant auditions. Audition week is the best part of the show, it's also the most watched and talked about, mostly because its s freak show. Not as much as it used to be sadly. Like hockey and lacrosse have been neutered by having the fighting taken away, we now have less freaks on "Idol." I suspect the ratings have suffered as well.

But of course that's not the freak show most of America has tuned in for this season.

Before the premiere, the powers that be have been wisely playing up the Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey feud. Controversy breeds popularity. We all knew Nicki was crazy, I mean it's a fact. Bitch cra-zay. But I think we, America as a whole, had forgotten the lunacy level of Mariah because that is a whole different planet of crazy. I think when we get to the live shows, Fox should just douse them both in gasoline as a preemptive strike because this is going to be bad, very bad.

The funny part is that Mariah comes off as a real bitch, to my mind at least. She acts superior and too good for the show more often than not. Nicki is actually pretty entertaining in a crazy way. In the four hours I watched last week, she won me over. I was disappointed to see Steven Tyler go, even more so to see Simon Cowell go a few seasons before, but I am digging Nicki, and I wasn't that big a fan before this. I love it when she does the fake British accent and Mariah winces. And hey, Nicki namedropped Kate Bush on prime time American network television, so I'm on her side.

Keith Urban is interesting. I was surprised to find out he was a New Zealander. I don't really think he adds all that much however. The poor guy has to sit between Mariah and Nicki, and quite honestly, as far as his judging skills go, he's the male equivalent of Paula Abdul. I keep waiting for him to say "Nice shirt." to a contestant.

I also feel bad for Randy holding this all together. I wonder if he might snap before Nicki and Mariah kill each other. I have noticed that he seems to have turned his filter off. If somebody is awful, he tells them right away a la Simon Cowell.

Well, I've been here with "American Idol" for eleven seasons, and I think, because of Nicki Minaj, believe it or not, I will hang on a bit for season twelve. Let's see what happens.

Two Divas, A Dawg, and A Dude

Today's guest blogger Patti O'Brien is a fellow writer and dear friend from the South Jersey Writers Meetup group. She's been having trouble getting folks to come to her blog, so I told her I'd give her a spotlight here on Welcome to Hell. She's a terrific writer, check out her thoughts below on "American Idol."

*****

The premiere of the new season of "American Idol" (in mid-January 2013) may well be the most watched episode they’ve seen in years, and sadly, it won’t be due to the quality of the singers. The vocalizing on the first episodes is usually pretty dismal.

Nope, this year the singers will be secondary to what most viewers will be tuning in to see: the judges.

The feuds between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are already infamous. I don’t actually know what they’ve been fighting about but it doesn’t matter; two pop divas are at odds, presumably over which is the top diva, Minaj already playing the age card and Mariah, well, playing the Mariah card. Who’s to say which will actually be able to accurately judge new talent? Sure, Mariah’s the top selling female pop artist of all time, but can she offer valuable advice to the hopefuls who’ll sing for her? Other than 'show a lot of boob, all the time, every single time you appear anywhere' of course.

Minaj is a performance artist with a loyal following, but can she mentor a contestant who needs serious vocalist guidance? Only time will tell, and that’s what we viewers, who may have wanted to swear off the show when the new judges were announced, will tune in for—what will they do, what will they say, what will they wear?

The other new judge, Keith Urban, is possibly known more for being Nicole’s husband than for his music. Oh, and he’s cute, so that’ll draw in some female viewers. Of course, county music fans - those same fans who voted for Scotty McCreery - may also tune in to a show that’s historically been thin in this area.

And how about Randy? He of the 'dawg' and 'dude' and 'I’m just not feelin’ it?' Randy spends most of his time name dropping; his favorite thing is to name the original artist and maybe an obscure session musician who played on the first release of the tune the vocalist has just 'made his own.' Other than drool over all warblers who share his heritage, I think Randy’s shown us all the tricks in his bag, but it’ll be nice to at least have one judge who knows how this thing works.

With all the changes the show’s gone through, it leaves me to ask myself which judge I think has been the best and which the worst. Let’s start with the worst, because that’s easier - Ellen. Please. The woman is so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, she did nothing but praise or apologize: I’m sorry, it just wasn’t very good. But you’re so nice and pretty and wonderful and you’re a really good singer but for me, well, I’m sorry but I just didn’t love it. I’m sorry.

We get it, Ellen, you’re nice. But nice doesn’t butter the whole wheat toast on a rainy day in June, as my favorite judge might say. Yes, Steven Tyler, you were all that and a bag of crazy, but I loved you. You’d just as soon run up on stage and show ‘em how it’s done than sit there and listen, but you did offer opinions that were honest and usually on target, even if no one quite understood everything you said. You brought a certain panache to the show that the producers now need two crazies to bring.

And Simon? Well, you were harsh, obnoxious, full of yourself, wear nothing but undershirts, I mean, really, even plumbers wear shirts, Simon. Buy a button-up for the sake of all mankind, and learn to wear it with the buttons actually buttoned. You were mean and ornery, but you did make some good points.

Paula was sheer entertainment but on the few occasions when she was called on first, she could not put together a sentient sentence without first hearing what Randy or Simon had to say, then repeating it. But she, like J-Lo, looked pretty and was nice to the contestants; not as nice as Ellen, mind you, because Ellen’s kind of nice was gross. Sorry Ellen, I really am, but you sucked as a judge and you know it. Again, really sorry ‘bout that.

Someday, I’d like to see Ryan Seacrest in a judge’s chair. He’s heard everyone, knows the contestants better than the judges do, and must have a million opinions that nobody’s ever asked him to state. Well, I’m asking, Ryan: what the hell have you been thinking all these years? Maybe you should write a book; I’ll even ghostwrite it for you. We’ll call it “Dim the Lights,” and in it, you can tell us all the backstage gossip we crave.

So, when Idol debuts next year, I, for one, will be among the many who tune in to see how the new judges do. I don’t think I’ll like them too much, but I doubt they’ll be the worst. If you want to listen to some good 'judges' though, tune into "The Voice," featuring Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Blake Sheldon and Adam Levine. The format is different so they don’t judge, they fight over the singers they want for their teams, so it’s much more civil. And almost every one of the vocalists on that show are good, which makes the show already so much more watchable than "Idol."

Also, I am now in love with Adam Levine, or as I call him, Mr. Devine. But that’s another story.

*****

You can check Patti's blog Too Pooped to Pop here, and she's also on the Facebook and the Twitter. Friend her and follow her, it's worth it.

New Season Fail?

I hate to say it, but other than the "Wonder Woman" pilot from David E. Kelley that NBC did not buy, I haven't really seen anything from this newest TV season that has impressed me, nothing.

I love Zooey Dechandel, so I checked out her sitcom, "New Girl," on Fox. First I was curious what someone like her who has been so successful in movies would want with television. I mean, this had to either be a great show, or a lot of money, right? Well, it turns out it might just be money. She's fun and hilarious, but her three male co-stars were unwatchable. The problem - there's three of them and just one of her. Awful.

Also on Fox, I tried the much anticipated "X-Factor" from Simon Cowell, and again, I was unimpressed. For someone who wanted to make a show that wasn't like "American Idol," it sure seemed a lot like "American Idol," and not in a good way. Here's hoping that Simon, along with Paula Abdul, return to "AI" next season. It will be better for everyone.

As long as we're beating dead horses, the show I most was interested in this new season was "Terra Nova," which at first glance kinda looked like an American version of "Primeval." If only it was. I'd take another rip-off of a mediocre British scifi series over this dreck any day. Where were the freaking dinosaurs? Damn tease.

Look, don't show dinosaurs in your thirty-second previews of the show for the last four months and not put any damn dinosaurs in the pilot for over an hour. To quote Millhouse in one of my favorite "Simpsons" episodes - When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?"

There were other series that were disappointments. "Unforgettable," "A Gifted Man" and "Person of Interest" all had intriguing concepts, and quickly displayed with second episodes that they were all three simply formula shows. I don't think we will ever see any progress on the main plot that got us hooked on the show, but will just be case of the week series. Damn shame too.

I was even disappointed by "Homeland." It reeked of predictability for me. Again, a fine concept that just didn't do it for me on the screen. Wow. When the pay cable shows aren't good, you know it's a bad season.

"Pan Am" was a pilot that has to be seen to be believed, so if you didn't catch it, check OnDemand and see it. Not just for the now anorexic Christina Ricci, you need to see this decidedly confused show. First it's kinda "Mad Men," then it wants to be a comedy, then it's an Airport movie and finally at the end it's a spy thriller. See it while it lasts, it could be the quirky fun hit of the bunch, so bad, it's good.

The only show I thought had promise, was canceled before I actually got to see it, which shows you just how on the mark I am with these things. Like "Pan Am," it's a period piece, same time frame, but this one's deadly serious. "The Playboy Club" is/was about a mob murder in, you guessed it, a Playboy club. It had much promise, but, unfortunately, dead on arrival.

It looks like we'll have new replacement shows coming up quickly as I think many of these are headed to the same fate as "The Playboy Club." Hmmm... maybe NBC should take another look at "Wonder Woman"...

Paula Exits Idol

As if we needed more proof that Twitter moves faster than the news media, Paula Abdul announced was leaving "American Idol" via Twitter earlier tonight.

With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to #IDOL. I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all..Cont'd...

Paula, singer and choreographer, brought her expertise to "Idol" for eight consecutive seasons. She'll be missed. In many ways, with her at times bizarre behavior, her chemistry with the other judges, and her professional guidance - she made the show.

Four Is a Magic Number?

When "American Idol" returns for its eighth season in January there will be a new face behind the judges table. Joining Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell will be award-winning and Grammy nominated singer/songwriter Kara DioGuardi.

DioGuardi is no stranger to the series, having written songs and hits for former American Idols Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, as well as Pink, Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani and AI's own Paula Abdul. She should definitely add a new dimension to the precedings, as well as a tying vote in disagreements. We'll have to wait until January to see how that twist works out, to say nothing of her chemistry with the other judges.

It is worth noting that with the announcement today, Kara has yet to sit with the other judges, and the audition tour for season eight has already hit eight different cities. Perhaps the newest judge won't be weighing in until the finalists have been chosen.

This is of course not the first time the producers have tinkered with the winning formula of the show. Last season some contestants auditioned with musical instrument accompaniment. Having singer/songwriter Kara DioGuardi would be a logical next step in that evolution.

Notoriously a fourth judge was almost added in the second season, until the female disc jockey chosen admitted she'd never seen the show. That second season also eliminated original co-host Brian Dunkleman. Dunkleman, who left on his own, is now well known as a Trivial Pursuit answer.