American Idol, Again?

I remember when Neil Young sang those immortal words, "it's better to burn out than fade away." The Bride wanted to watch "American Idol" again this year, so I've been shanghaied into half-watching it as well. There's something to be said about 'burning out' and going out on top or at least close to it. That said, I think "American Idol" has been fading away for the better part of a decade.

I've been watching the show since the beginning and have enjoyed it, bought the songs on iTunes, voted like crazy, entered betting pools, and loved the water cooler talk the next day. But the show's better days are long gone. I barely paid attention last season, and the last time I was excited about AI was when Nicki Minaj was a judge, and that was a while ago.

I tried to watch the first two episodes, that's four hours, folks, and even though it was in the audition phase - when we see the raw superstars and pure train wrecks, arguably the best part of any season - I was bored out of my mind. And it's not that this type of program has gone out of style or popularity either. Both similar programs like "The Voice" and "America's Got Talent" thrive in this current television environment. I think the truth is that "American Idol" just sucks, or to soften the blow, this incarnation of it sucks.

As I half-watched, it's as if this season picked up directly from the last - nothing has changed. The judges, once entertaining, now seem hamstrung, and hesitating and struggling to tell contestants the truth. It is painfully obvious that steps have been taken to make the show more positive and uplifting, so the freak show (and ratings bonanza) that the audition phase has always been, is now dull and less entertaining. Gone are the days of She-Bang and Princess Leia, and it's a sad thing.

We need the freaks back, and we also need the mean back. No one on this show seems capable of telling the contestants what sometimes they need to hear - that they suck. Simon Cowell was the driving force that made this show successful in my opinion, and his "X-Factor" never even came close to matching his performances on AI. Someone needs to be mean and truthful. The new judges can't even be subtle. Keith Urban does the saddest excuse for a Paula Abdul "Nice shirt" comment. I think, "American Idol," it's been a nice run, but it's time to die. Pack it up.

Reality Burnout

The season finales for both "Survivor" and "American Idol" were last night, and while I have been a hardcore fan of both in the past, I really didn't give a rat's backside last night, this season, or quite frankly, several seasons. Both of these shows, along with "Big Brother" and "The Amazing Race," are really dependent on the contestants, and that gene pool has been iffy of late.

Of course there's also the attraction of a potential train wreck, and I do love a good train wreck. "The Amazing Race" is more The Bride's wheelhouse than mine but I was digging the mental and relationship breakdown of former "Big Brother" winners Brendon and Rachel. Now that was a train wreck.

However that kind of hot messiness couldn't seem to save "American Idol" this year. I lost interest early in the season when the show refused to highlight the usual freakshow of audition rejects in the cause of positivity. Let's face it, for every Kelly Clarkson, we can list five William Hungs or Ben Haars. That is what makes the show.

Getting back to train wrecks and "Idol," I couldn't believe who the two finalists were this season. Caleb had a strong rocker voice but he had some trouble on Twitter calling his fans the R word. One would think that would be enough to keep him from winning, but I guess the Bible Belt "AI" voters who kept Adam Lambert from winning probably don't care much about being politically correct.

I still don't know how Jena made final ten, let alone final two. Every time I saw her perform she was always butchering one song or another. And none if these judges have courage enough to tell the truth. Harry Connick Jr. comes close at times, but what "Idol" really needs is for Simon Cowell to return. It hasn't been the same, or as good, since he left.

I'm not sure what to watch in the reality TV realm any more. "America's Got Talent" has become a freakshow, and not in a good way, and "The Voice" has always bored me. Well, let's just hope the next bunch on "Big Brother" aren't just another group of vapid model wannabes, but have a but more personality or psychosis than usual.

Two Divas, A Dawg, and A Dude

Today's guest blogger Patti O'Brien is a fellow writer and dear friend from the South Jersey Writers Meetup group. She's been having trouble getting folks to come to her blog, so I told her I'd give her a spotlight here on Welcome to Hell. She's a terrific writer, check out her thoughts below on "American Idol."

*****

The premiere of the new season of "American Idol" (in mid-January 2013) may well be the most watched episode they’ve seen in years, and sadly, it won’t be due to the quality of the singers. The vocalizing on the first episodes is usually pretty dismal.

Nope, this year the singers will be secondary to what most viewers will be tuning in to see: the judges.

The feuds between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are already infamous. I don’t actually know what they’ve been fighting about but it doesn’t matter; two pop divas are at odds, presumably over which is the top diva, Minaj already playing the age card and Mariah, well, playing the Mariah card. Who’s to say which will actually be able to accurately judge new talent? Sure, Mariah’s the top selling female pop artist of all time, but can she offer valuable advice to the hopefuls who’ll sing for her? Other than 'show a lot of boob, all the time, every single time you appear anywhere' of course.

Minaj is a performance artist with a loyal following, but can she mentor a contestant who needs serious vocalist guidance? Only time will tell, and that’s what we viewers, who may have wanted to swear off the show when the new judges were announced, will tune in for—what will they do, what will they say, what will they wear?

The other new judge, Keith Urban, is possibly known more for being Nicole’s husband than for his music. Oh, and he’s cute, so that’ll draw in some female viewers. Of course, county music fans - those same fans who voted for Scotty McCreery - may also tune in to a show that’s historically been thin in this area.

And how about Randy? He of the 'dawg' and 'dude' and 'I’m just not feelin’ it?' Randy spends most of his time name dropping; his favorite thing is to name the original artist and maybe an obscure session musician who played on the first release of the tune the vocalist has just 'made his own.' Other than drool over all warblers who share his heritage, I think Randy’s shown us all the tricks in his bag, but it’ll be nice to at least have one judge who knows how this thing works.

With all the changes the show’s gone through, it leaves me to ask myself which judge I think has been the best and which the worst. Let’s start with the worst, because that’s easier - Ellen. Please. The woman is so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, she did nothing but praise or apologize: I’m sorry, it just wasn’t very good. But you’re so nice and pretty and wonderful and you’re a really good singer but for me, well, I’m sorry but I just didn’t love it. I’m sorry.

We get it, Ellen, you’re nice. But nice doesn’t butter the whole wheat toast on a rainy day in June, as my favorite judge might say. Yes, Steven Tyler, you were all that and a bag of crazy, but I loved you. You’d just as soon run up on stage and show ‘em how it’s done than sit there and listen, but you did offer opinions that were honest and usually on target, even if no one quite understood everything you said. You brought a certain panache to the show that the producers now need two crazies to bring.

And Simon? Well, you were harsh, obnoxious, full of yourself, wear nothing but undershirts, I mean, really, even plumbers wear shirts, Simon. Buy a button-up for the sake of all mankind, and learn to wear it with the buttons actually buttoned. You were mean and ornery, but you did make some good points.

Paula was sheer entertainment but on the few occasions when she was called on first, she could not put together a sentient sentence without first hearing what Randy or Simon had to say, then repeating it. But she, like J-Lo, looked pretty and was nice to the contestants; not as nice as Ellen, mind you, because Ellen’s kind of nice was gross. Sorry Ellen, I really am, but you sucked as a judge and you know it. Again, really sorry ‘bout that.

Someday, I’d like to see Ryan Seacrest in a judge’s chair. He’s heard everyone, knows the contestants better than the judges do, and must have a million opinions that nobody’s ever asked him to state. Well, I’m asking, Ryan: what the hell have you been thinking all these years? Maybe you should write a book; I’ll even ghostwrite it for you. We’ll call it “Dim the Lights,” and in it, you can tell us all the backstage gossip we crave.

So, when Idol debuts next year, I, for one, will be among the many who tune in to see how the new judges do. I don’t think I’ll like them too much, but I doubt they’ll be the worst. If you want to listen to some good 'judges' though, tune into "The Voice," featuring Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Blake Sheldon and Adam Levine. The format is different so they don’t judge, they fight over the singers they want for their teams, so it’s much more civil. And almost every one of the vocalists on that show are good, which makes the show already so much more watchable than "Idol."

Also, I am now in love with Adam Levine, or as I call him, Mr. Devine. But that’s another story.

*****

You can check Patti's blog Too Pooped to Pop here, and she's also on the Facebook and the Twitter. Friend her and follow her, it's worth it.