Fantastic Four 2015

Fantastic Four ~ As a few of my friends have mentioned, like Andy Burns at Biff Bam Pop! and Skott Stotland at The Nerd Signal, this movie wasn't as bad as a lot of folks have been saying - but that said, it is still pretty bad.

Up front, this troubled production from co-writer/director Josh Trank is not a Fantastic Four movie in the traditional sense, nor is it any kind of superhero movie either. In the same sense that his highly acclaimed Chronicle was an anti-superhero movie, so is his Fantastic Four. Taking its cues loosely from the Ultimate Fantastic Four comics rather than the Stan Lee and Jack Kirby original stories, this is a tale of Reed Richards, played by the much-hated-in-some-circles Miles Teller. This socially awkward young genius is given the resources to build his invention, a dimensional teleporter, which has consequences that eventually transform his friends and colleagues into …something else.

Just as it sounds, this is more science fiction than superhero, and there's a little bit of horror here as well with overtones of the 1980s version of The Fly thrown in for good measure. Comparing it to the comics or the characters therein is a silly exercise at this point, because let's face it, Trank didn't even go there. Any resemblance to those sources appear to have been added later by the studio. Much like Chronicle, Trank appears to have gone his own way.

The characters, save Teller's Reed, are two-dimensional, their only personality being that overlaid subconsciously by viewers who know them from the comics. They are one note and we don't care about them. Reed on the other hand fulfills his destiny as a screw-up, perhaps more blatantly here than in the comics, and really engenders no sympathy beyond that. The acting is minimal, the special effects are in places, well done and elsewhere cartoony.

I have to say I liked Kate Mara better as Sue Storm than I did Jessica Alba in 2005 and 2007, and I'm one of the few apparently that liked those movies. With all the hubbub about the character's race change, Michael B. Jordan comes off rather well, but the Human Torch special effects while invoking the comics imagery look like bad animation after a while. The Thing is an effective, yet disturbing cross between the Nome King in Return to Oz and the rock creature in Galaxy Quest. Only Toby Kebbel's Doom, before transformation, radiates any real charisma, but that gets fixed pretty quickly.

Not only does much of the cast lack charisma, they also lack chemistry. While romantic intentions are hinted at, nothing is done, nor is it advanced. While I had been following along the science fiction story for the first hour or so of the movie, there is a point where it all falls apart, and that's where Doom returns from the other world - a weak pastiche of the Negative Zone called Planet Zero. Suddenly Doom is the bad guy, unmotivated, he is just evil. Cartoon fights ensue, and I checked out.

Again, Doom is inserted into the Fantastic Four origin. And again badly. He emerged from the other world covered in metal without a mouth, an actor, one of the more likable in the flick, now unable to act. The Thing and Human Torch are given similar handicaps. I found this surprising as one of the tropes of superhero movies (of which this is not) is the constant removal of masks so the actor can emote or show off their good looks. Yeah, I'm looking at you, Tobey Maguire.

There is one nice touch, a minor Easter egg, in the movie. The antagonist in the movie other than Doom, the government suit who tries to use the FF's powers for his own bidding is named Harvey Elder. Sharp-eyed hardcore FF fans know that this is the real name of the super-villain the Mole Man. Also look for the Deadpool trailer before the film, if you're looking for more Marvel content. There's not much, even Stan Lee stayed away from this one.

Unlike other Marvel-connected movies (although it should be noted, as a Fox film, this is not part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe), there is no after-credits or mid-credits stinger. As a matter of fact, I noticed that once the movie proper was over, people could not wait to get out of the theater. I did learn one surprising thing from the credits however. Minimalist composer Philip Glass (a favorite) did some of the score. I did like it and will have to go back and listen to it some more.

Did I hate it? Certainly not as much as my friend Ray Cornwall who eviscerates it on the latest episode of The GAR! Podcast, but I didn't like it. This was not a good movie, nor was it a good superhero movie, and it was most definitely not a good Fantastic Four movie. Not recommended. Wait for Netflix or cable if you must see it.

The GAR Podcast

I know, as if I don't have enough on my plate, right? This project has been in the wings for more than a few years. My friend Ray Cornwall and I have had long conversations about comics and other stuff, and have talked about doing it as a podcast for some time. I finally bit the bullet, kicked Ray in the butt, and we got it done. It was nowhere as hard as we thought it would be.

The final product can be found here. Yeah, it's our first one, so it's amateurish, badly edited, incredibly raw, and so much damned fun.

The topics covered in this inaugural podcast include: Who we are, "Storage Wars," Man of Steel, Batman '66, Green Hornet, Mark Waid, Insufferable, Peter Krause, Marshall Law, Ray's comics childhood, Justice Society, Fantastic Four, Age of Ultron, Iron Man, Hank Pym, Marvelman, Brandon Peterson, Captain America and Bendis.

Links for this episode: Man of Steel trailer, Insufferable, Marshall Law. Age of Ultron, and Age of Ultron Book Six.

Check out the podcast here, and see what a star my buddy Ray is. Enjoy! We'll be back next week!

The Forgotten Spider-Man

Everyone knows the 1967 "Spider-Man" cartoon, you know, the one with the catchy theme song. Most folks know the 1990s series on Fox as well. The fanboys and girls among us know the MTV CGI animated series, the spacey cosmic "Unlimited", and "Amazing Friends" with Iceman and Firestar. But does anyone remember the 1981 Saturday morning cartoon?

The 1981 "Spider-Man" did not air in the Philadelphia area so I didn't see it until years later in syndication. It was the wall-crawler first animated appearance on TV since the classic 1967 series. It was Spidey once more on Saturday mornings, and a prelude to "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends." Many of the queues were taken from the sixties cartoon, maybe not actual model sheets and drawings, but they sure tried to copy it, from shots of buildings to angles that Spidey would swing by on his weblines.

The villains were there. Spidey fought the Green Goblin, the Vulture, the Sandman, the Lizard, Mysterio, and the Kingpin. Others who had not yet seen animation as Spider-foes like the Chameleon, Black Cat, Silvermane, Hammerhead, and Kraven the Hunter. New villains were added like the Gadeteer, the Stuntman, and in a hollaback to the '67 'toon, the Desperado-like Sidewinder.

Attempts to expand the animated Marvel Universe were made as Spider-Man also went up against Magneto, the Red Skull, and the Ringmaster. The oddest addition of this type was the seeming ascension of Doctor Doom to archenemy status for Spider-Man. The two clash in six out of the twenty-six episodes. Many Marvel super-heroes show up as guest-stars as well, including Captain America, the Sub-Mariner, Ka-Zar, Medusa and even Namorita.

There were problems however. This DePatie-Freleng production had the same quality as the last two Marvel animations, "Spider-Woman" and "New Fantastic Four," the latter was the infamous version with H.E.R.B.I.E. the Robot. The animation is very slow-paced, Spidey's webs eject with almost molasses flow sometimes. And of course this was a time in network television when violence was considered to be rotting the minds of young children - so Spider-Man could neither make a fist nor throw a punch, even at someone as evil as a Nazi madman like the Red Skull.



The 1981 "Spider-Man" cartoon has its moments, and it's closer to comics continuity than a lot of superhero animation out there. It's worth a viewing or two for the hardcore fans, and is now available from Netflix via DVD or streaming online.

No Ordinary Family

This show has the unhealthy feel of a network executive deciding that ABC needs a family-style superhero series that would feed off the "Heroes" audience who were feeling betrayed by the powers that be who ruined "Heroes." The feeling continues when it seems like they grabbed Marc Guggenheim off "Eli Stone" because someone mentioned he used to write comic books. And it doesn't get any better when they cast veteran superhero actor Michael Chiklis in the lead, and gets even worse when he gets almost the same powers, if not the look of The Thing, his role in the Fantastic Four films.

All that said, "No Ordinary Family" is a likable, family friendly and genre friendly show. My problem with it is much the same problem I have with M. Night's Unbreakable (a flick I love, I might add), it's all origin and training, no superhero stuff. I want a superhero show, not a learner with training wheels, I want the hero, the guy (or gal) who can, I want to strong chin, starry eyes to root for against the bad guys. It's what the genre is, or should be, about.

Speaking of bad guys, the villains of this piece, are one of the elements that does keep me coming back. I hate to bring it back to the failure of "Heroes," but the bad guys being more charismatic than the good guys is not a good thing. Let's hope "No Ordinary Family" can shake out of training phase and not submit to the "Heroes" curse.