The 2016 TCM Classic Cruise

Sadly, it was with bittersweet feelings that The Bride and I attended the 2016 Turner Classic Movies Classic Cruise, as it had been announced earlier in the year that this would be the final cruise. After five previous highly successful cruises of this kind, they were ending the program. The reasons given have been diverse and full of rumor, perhaps attendance or logistics, but suffice it to say, I still had the time of my life.

This cruise took place on the Disney Fantasy for seven wonderful days at sea and at ports in the Western Caribbean. While Robert Osborne was unable to attend, other TCM hosts and regulars were there, including Ben Mankiewicz, Illeanna Douglas, new TCM host Tiffany Vazquez, trivia master Alex Trebek, Eddie Muller, Bruce Goldstein, and Randy Haberkamp. Guests included Leslie Caron, Kim Novak, Diane Baker, Michael York, Lucie Arnaz, the fabulous Dick Cavett (why isn't he a TCM host yet?), and joining the ship halfway was Jerry Lewis. Music was supplied by Jennifer Keith, and as always the Hot Sardines.

Besides the guests, and more movies than you can shake a film reel at, there were other events, like the Beaux Arts Ball, a theme night designed to bring alive the technicolorful world of An American in Paris. Also taking inspiration from films like Funny Face, Sabrina, and Midnight, the city of lights was brought to life on deck for one night of Parisian delight.

This year's week-long escape was a blast, good to see old friends from previous Cruises, and make new friends too, and I hope TCM will reconsider ending this program. Everyone who has experienced the TCM Classic Cruise absolutely loves it. In the days and weeks to come here at Welcome to Hell, I'll be featuring my reviews from the Cruise, including The Third Man, The Kid Brother, Employees' Entrance, Vertigo, Strait-Jacket, an episode or two of "The Dick Cavett Show," and The Dark Corner, just to name a few. Stay tuned!

X - The Man with the X-Ray Eyes

X - The Man with the X-Ray Eyes ~ This is one of those films, much talked about and rarely seen (at least by me). As a longtime listener to Mr. Movie Steve Friedman, I had heard about this movie on an almost weekly basis, and especially the ending. I was very pleased to finally have the chance to see X - The Man with the X-Ray Eyes, especially on the TCM Classic Cruise, and introduced by Ben Mankiewicz and producer Roger Corman himself.

Corman is 89 years old, and after his cancellation on last year's cruise, and seeing him at the port in a wheelchair before boarding, understandably there were some health concerns. There needn't have been. Though with a cane, he walked out onto the stage of the Buena Vista Theatre to a thunderous standing ovation.

Roger and Ben talked mainly about X, as the film's actual title card reads, and how it was made. In typical Corman fashion it was made in three weeks for $300,000. The mad acting skills of star Ray Milland and first timer Don Rickles were also up for discussion, and well deserved. Milland has always been one of the good ones, and I've always thought Rickles was a pretty amazing, if underrated, actor myself. The cast was rounded out by Diana Van der Vlis, an almost dead ringer for Elizabeth Mongomery, and a young Dick Miller.

The existence of another ending was discussed, and that had me both confused, and sitting through to the end of the credits like it was a Marvel Cinematic Universe flick. There's no alternate ending. Much like the urban legend of two different endings to King Kong Vs. Godzilla, it just does not exist. Corman states that the much-talked-about scary ending was made up by Stephen King, but that doesn't sound right either. Sounds like a job for Snopes.

Here, on stage, Corman claimed that the ending was the sole construction of Stephen King, in his book Danse Macabre, but according to Wikipedia (always the worst source on such things, but Snopes had no listing) Corman has in the past said that an ending was shot where Milland, after having torn his own eyes out, screams, "I can still see!" I guess we'll never know for sure.

The movie centers on Milland, an obsessed scientist working to improve human vision. So obsessed is he that he tests a new formula on himself, gaining an approximation of x-ray vision. The more formula he puts in his eyes, the more extensive his vision becomes, and of course the more insane he becomes. He wanders through the film, through a carnival, a scam, Las Vegas, and a tent revival, before taking a step into the still-horrific ending.

This was a fun watch, but not much beyond the typical early 1960s scifi fare, but decidedly ahead of its time all the same. Not as cool as I thought it would be, but that said, it just doesn't get any better when it's on the big screen and introduced by the director, a living legend himself.

Dr. Who and the Daleks

First things first, and those who know will just have to bear with me, but there is a very important lesson to be learned in the title of this film. It's all in the spelling. Dr. Who is an eccentric inventor played by Peter Cushing in two movies about the Daleks in the 1960s. Doctor Who is a Gallifreyan Time Lord played by over a dozen actors in the BBC television series for over fifty years. Two different things, however similar, got it? And Dr. Who from King Kong Escapes and the Rankin-Bass "Kong" animated series has nothing to do with either.

When "Doctor Who" first featured what would become his primary nemeses, the Daleks, the UK was caught up in a hysteria nearly as mad as Beatlemania. Daleks and Who were everywhere. Seeking to cash in, the BBC rushed into production this movie Dr. Who and the Daleks, and a year later, its sequel Daleks - Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D. It is a re-imagining of the "Doctor Who" TV series, to use the modern vernacular, and the first time we see any version of these characters either in color or widescreen. This was a treat for the times, despite the differences.

In the television series, while it has been presented as a pun on occasion, The Doctor is never referred to as Doctor Who. In the movies however, this is his name. He is a kind old man (as opposed to William Hartnell, the then current and first Doctor, being gruff and unpleasant at times) played with charming eccentricity by Peter Cushing. He is at times childlike and the source of thoroughly British dry wit, but in this fan's eyes, still very much a possible Doctor.

The rest of the TARDIS crew are essentially the same albeit recast for the movies. While Susan is still his granddaughter, changes had been made with the characters of Barbara and Ian. Barbara here is also a granddaughter and Ian is her suitor. In the series, there may have been some romantic chemistry between the two but it wasn't shown until years later when it was revealed that they had married.

We're launched into the story rather quickly, which is nice, no long secret origins or unnecessary exposition, just into the time machine and onto another planet, boom. The story, by the way, is based on the second serialized episode of the TV series, "The Daleks," written, as many later Dalek episodes would be, by Terry Nation. The crew arrives on the planet Skaro (though unnamed until the sequel) which has been ravaged by a nuclear war between the Thals and the Daleks.

What follows is a typical Daleks adventure, but in color and widescreen. The sets and backgrounds are slightly better than that of the TV series, but again kinda cool in color. The Daleks themselves are a little bigger than their TV counterparts, and so much more intimidating. The Thals, on the other hand, are very groovy, therefore dated, and somehow suited more to say Barbarella than "Doctor Who."

Dr. Who and the Daleks is a fun romp, if in some places a bit boring and corny. And if you catch it on TCM, you get to hear Ben Mankiewicz mangle the pronunciation of 'Daleks' multiple times in his intro and outro. I love ya, Ben, but come on! Every Who fan should see this at least once.

TCM Cruise 2014

This was a dream come true, and the best birthday gift I think I've ever gotten, but for my fiftieth, The Bride got us tickets on the TCM Cruise, and as if that wasn't cool enough, it was a chartered cruise on board the newly renovated Disney Magic. My favorite thing, movies, on my happy place, the Disney Cruise - this was heaven.

At this point I'm going to tell you about the guests and the movie schedule, but as I've said before on The GAR! Podcast, it could be anyone or anything, I was already happy. The first and foremost guests were the two main Turner Classic Movies hosts, Robert Osborne and Ben Mankiewicz. These two guys are the best, and crazy cool authorities on everything cinema, amazing founts of movie knowledge. I'll let you in on a secret, sometimes I just tune in for their intros and outros of movies, and skip the movies themselves.

The first star sighting was as we waited to board the ship at Port Canaveral. We saw Richard Dreyfuss arrive, and go right on board. All smiles, he laughed and waved, friendly to a fault. Later as I walked around the ship waiting for the launch party, I spied Alex Trebek. He was the polar opposite of Dreyfuss, looking as if someone had crapped in his Cheerios and he was about to bite someone's head off. I'd been told his trivia events were a lot of fun, but at first sight, I second thoughts about attending.

My third star sighting was the lovely Shirley Jones, all eighty years of her. She was even more exuberant and friendly than Dreyfuss. Smiling, greeting fans, and wow, stunning. There is surely a painting in her attic because she looked fantastic, not a day over twenty-five. Later than day she was interviewed by Ben Mankiewicz in the huge Walt Disney Theatre, happily telling tales of behind the scenes of her movies, her TV work, and even her sex life (buy the book).

As the week went on, and I began to get the vibe of how things work, it became apparent that this was more TCM Cruise than Disney Cruise. People were friendlier, if you can believe that. Granted, everyone is happy and friendly on the Disney Cruise as you all have something in common, here, that thing in common is super-focused, making for a tighter sense of community. Everyone says hi and asks how you are, and especially what are you seeing next.

The movies are phenomenal, and constant, playing in three venues, sometimes more. Add in events, interviews, and just plain old regular cruise stuff, and there can seriously be too much to see. There will be sacrifices, you will be disappointed in what you miss, but what you see… that will rock your world. It's more than seeing a favorite film on the big screen, it's having it introduced live, and sometimes by the stars of the film… wow, just wow.

Imagine seeing The Music Man and Elmer Gantry with Shirley Jones, Jaws and Mr. Holland's Opus with Richard Dreyfuss, The Sea Hawk with Errol Flynn's daughter, and John Barrymore in Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde and Buster Keaton in The Navigator with a live orchestra providing the soundtrack. Imagine seeing The African Queen on the big screen then going outside to see the real African Queen. Yeah, that's how it is. Awesome. Best. Birthday. Ever.