Nothing Lasts Forever

Nothing Lasts Forever ~ You may or may not have heard of this obscure 1984 film with Bill Murray. Shot in black and white and shelved by MGM, it was never officially released in theaters or to video retail. Directed by fellow "Saturday Night Live" alum Tom Schiller (remember the brilliant Schiller's Reel?), it has remained unseen for decades but is now, possibly only temporarily available on YouTube.

Ostensibly a Bill Murray vehicle, it stars the immediately post-Gremlins Zach Galligan as a young man, Adam, who returns to New York from Europe with dreams of becoming an artist. The trouble is that America has been through hard times and some things have changed. A transit strike has put the Port Authority in control of New York City in an almost fascist state. Artists are frowned upon and Adam is put to work at the Holland Tunnel for a wacky boss played by Dan Aykroyd.

With me so far? 'Cause it's about to get weird, and yes, weirder than it already is. After Adam is kind to a beggar, the kindness is returned when the man reveals that there is a secret underground of bums that really control the world. After a truly disturbing purification process, during which we go from black and white temporarily to pseudo sepia colorization color, the masters of the world give Adam a mission - to bring art to the moon where he will meet his soulmate.

Adam goes back up to black and white NYC where no one believes him. And then he gets on a bus to the moon, where a young, pre-arrogant, and not-as-grumpy Bill Murray is his possibly sinister sky host. Look quick or you'll miss Larry 'Bud' Melman. Once on the moon, we're in pseudo-color again. But even on the moon things are not as they seem.

This New York City is like a cross between Fellini Paris and Hell here, and in that way, the black and white is used to good effect, very German Expressionist, with just a touch of Val Lewton and David Lynch. The tour of the NY art scene is both surreal and far too real, imagine Andy Warhol in 1920s Germany, bizarre. There are many bits lifted from old movies that may have had something to do with its non-release, rights problems, perhaps?

Zach Galligan, as in Gremlins, does a great It's a Wonderful Life Jimmy Stewart, perhaps much more naive. Lauren Tom, who this writer knows from voice acting in the DC Comics Animated Universe, is his lovely lunar soulmate. The amazingly named Apollonia Van Ravenstein is also quite good. Also look for Eddie Fisher, Imogene Coco, Sam Jaffe, and Mort Sahl.

Perhaps the reason Nothing Lasts Forever was not released was its pre-Tim Burton oddity or its painfully non-mainstreamness. Maybe the studio didn't know what it was - scifi, drama, comedy, period piece, musical? Even I'm not sure. It certainly is intriguing and worth a look while you can. Check it out.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark 2011

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark ~ The original 1973 ABC TV movie of the week called Don't Be Afraid of the Dark scared the crap out of me. The idea of little buggers running around about a foot high with razors and other implements of cutting danger kept me from enjoying what is for the most a comedy - the Gremlins movies. Yeah, I admit it, I'm that frightened of little people, malevolent or not. I doubt I could deal with Darby O'Gill or The Gnomemobile because of this movie.

Guillermo del Toro has given many interviews citing the original version of this movie, as well as several "Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery" episodes that similarly scared me, as scaring the crap out of him. He has the same weaknesses, and in this 2011 remake, he pushes those buttons hard, nay, he twists them 'til they fall off.

The only thing that disarmed the original monsters from being truly scary was how fake they looked. The new creatures are del Toro makeovers in the mode of his terrifying creations in Pan's Labyrinth and the Hellboy movies. If there's one thing del Toro can do, it's make monsters. And there are also dozens of them, as opposed to the trio in the original. He also ties in other panic buttons with the themes of children in danger and the irrational reality of the tooth fairy concept. Add in more than a few broken teeth, and I'm terrified just typing this.

The story, slightly altered from the 1973 original, has a young couple renovating a huge mansion with the man's young daughter from a previous marriage joining them after a long time. Secret rooms, evil fairies and mysterious murder attempts follow in suitable movie of the week horror fashion. Del Toro adds a bit more to the background and origins of the creatures and the house with frightening, almost Lovecraftian, zeal.

If you look deeper, del Toro, who has help from co-screenwriter Matthew Robbins and director Troy Nixey, has produced a love letter to those old telemovies that ABC made on a regular basis in the early 1970s. There are many nudges and winks here in names and camera angles to those great flicks. There is much love here, and much horror as well.

Going back to the monsters, I was almost hoping we never saw them, because the human imagination is usually more powerful than anything we can be shown. As you might guess, I'm a big fan of Curse of the Demon and the original The Haunting for this reason. When I finally did see the new monsters, I wanted them to go away, and I know I'm not going to sleep tonight. It's rare that a remake improves on a film in this way. I'm not going to see this movie again, and that's a compliment.

The cast is okay, neither Katie Holmes nor Guy Pearce, despite their star power, really bring anything extra to their roles. The little girl, Bailee Madison, already an acting veteran at twelve, is the real star here and is wonderful. If the Academy ever even looked at horror movies (which they don't), they might find a treasure here. Remember her name, even if they won't.

One plot point bothered me and seemed way out of place. Spoilers ahead, you have been warned. The creatures, weakened by bright light (don't say it, they did predate Gremlins by at least a decade), are attacked by little Bailee with a Polaroid One-Step camera plus Flashbar. First, a One-Step camera in the day of the cellphone seems like an anachronism, and the Flashbar only had five flashes before it neede to be reversed or changed. This camera keeps going like a bad guy's gun in a Rambo movie. Small point, but it pulled me out of the flick.

The above aside, this was a pretty good horror flick, with appropriate scares, I recommend it despite the fact I will never watch it again. It's that scary, and that's a solid recommendation. Check it out, if you dare.

Sara, Dean and the Professor

Gypsy 83 ~ Sara Rue, late of ABC’s “Less Than Perfect” is a Stevie Nicks-obsessed Goth girl who takes a cross-country jaunt with her gay Goth guy-pal to see ‘the Night of a Thousand Stevies.’ No, I shit you not. It’s actually pretty good and Sara gives an impressive performance except for one moment that invalidates the rest of the flick. In a scene that out-camps Phoebe Cates doing her Christmas and Lincoln’s Birthday speeches in the Gremlins movies, Sara tells of a talent show in high school where she pees herself on stage. The subplot of the Amish hitchhiker exploring the outside world for the first time is sometimes more intriguing than the main plot itself. And Karen Black is also here, not as creepy as usual, and definitely not as creepy as in real life. Great soundtrack and worth seeing unedited, as opposed to how it’s shown on Logo.

BOA ~ Here’s what OnDemand has to say about BOA: ”It’s the future. Deadly criminals shipped off to high security prison in Antarctica. But there’s a presence there more dangerous than all of them combined: A giant, prehistoric snake hibernating under the facility. Gee, I hope nobody wakes him up.” Wow, not much I can add to that, eh? Dean Cain is actually funny and watchable here, more so than he’s been since “Lois and Clark” probably.

Quatermass and the Pit ~ I first saw this one as a child, when it was called Five Million Years to Earth, and it scared the hell out of me. When I saw it for four bucks at Walgreens the other night I had to pick it up. While all that remained in my memory for three decades was the devilish image at the end of the film, I fully expected it not to live up to expectations – especially in the discount rack at a drug store, but I was wonderfully surprised. This is a very sophisticated sci-fi thriller that I’ll probably watch again and again. I also look forward to checking out the rest of the Quatermass films. A definite winner.